Chapter 40

OLIVER

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I trudged through the school hallways like a very heavy storm cloud after the class of the day, feeling like my heart was going to fall over.

My knees quivered, almost buckling twice before I finally stood before the entrance to the Hillsbury Campus Glee Club.

I stared at it, a hollow feeling in my chest. The reason why Casey had avoided me for the last two days was right here before me.

A maelstrom of emotions swirled in my chest, guilt being the worst one. The one most likely to swallow me whole.

Was I selfish? Didn’t I deserve to do this for myself? I at least deserved something that would bring me joy. Even if I had never tried singing before. Even if I still wasn’t sure I was good at it, despite Vanessa’s, my mother and most of all….

Too late, I failed to push him out of my thoughts, as I’d been doing ever since the field incident.

I could feel the weight of the book in my bag pressing down, adding unimaginable heaviness. Like I was carrying two tons of titanium.

I’d been so angry at him. So furious that I had been seeing red when I got to my house. Until I remembered I still had the book in hand.

And I read it. Within a span of a day, I’d read it. And I thought I would enjoy it. I did enjoy reading it, losing myself in that rich world, losing myself to the story.

But when my eyes drank in the last word on the last page, I realised I felt completely empty. It hadn’t served as a good distraction.

I could still remember his eyes briefly flashing with hurt before I turned and ran. The tight ball of fury and resentment had finally burst.

I should have felt better. I should have felt relief.

But it only left a dark vacuum, a depthless blackhole that was consuming me bit by bit.

I shook my head and opened the door before stepping inside… and suddenly I was met with a cacophony of voices. They were low at first, so low that I thought I’d been hallucinating…

But it was there. A harmony of voices down a narrow hallway.

I followed the voices down the hallway like my life depended on it – like they were the gold chest at the end of a rainbow. The nearer I got, the stronger and richer the choir of voices became, nearly carrying me off my feet.

I needed to see them. I needed to see who were behind those voices.

My steps turned low and heavy, my mind so preoccupied, my ears distracted to the point of near sensory overload that I didn’t realise I’d reached the end of the hallway and rounded a corner.

Only to be met by twelve tall chairs arranged elaborately in a circle.

And they were all occupied.

They still hadn’t spotted me. Suddenly, I wanted to bolt away from this. My inner drive to join this club waned after every second that passed. What had I been thinking? I didn’t belong here.

I turned, about to leave. The singing vanished in an instant.

Oh my god. They’d spotted me.

“Hey,” a female voice , “Are you lost?”

Every minute detail in my body screamed I should run. I didn’t belong here. I wouldn’t fit in. I should ignore the person and clomp out of the room.

I should have never come here.

You should join the glee club, his voice reverberated in my head, sound and clear.

A pit formed in my gut. I felt revolted and disgusted… at myself. Jude’s words should not have given me courage. I’d lashed out at him. I’d scorned him when he gave me the book.

All because I’ve holding on to the past for so long… I couldn’t imagine him being nice to me…

I turned. Six pairs of eyes were staring at me.

After a moment of silence, a guy rose from his seat. “Hi,” he flashed me a glittering smile. “I’m Francis. Hillsbury Glee Club president. This is the glee club.” He spread his arms.

A stab of embarrassment prickled my cheeks as i realised he was the female voice I’d heard earlier. His hair was laid out in short, golden waves with a hint of brown like thick threads of sunset. He sported a conspicuous nose ring, an olive green shirt and dark brown pants.

When he spread his arms, I couldn’t help but notice a variety of rings adorned in each of his fingers.

He was undoubtedly extravagant.

And taller than me, I thought.

A few seconds passed before I realied I’d been gawking. “Hi. I’m – I’m Oliver. And no, I’m not lost. I’m here because I…” I swallowed. “I…”

I couldn’t help but search their faces. Most seemed blank but a few looked observing – almost judgemental. My arms began to tremble, my teeth chattering slightly.

Then my gaze finally bounced to Francis’s face. He had an imploring, encouraging expression. His smile had not wavered. It gave me the courage I needed.

“I want to join this club,” I said, clamping the words out tightly to avoid any sort of stammer.

Francis clapped his hands frantically. “Great! A new addition everyone.” He turned to the group and, without warning, they broke into a vibrant, decorative “Welcooomeee.”

Francis practically glided from his seat to a far corner of the room where an assortment of chairs lay. He picked one and brought it to the circle. A raven-haired guy and a girl with a high pony tail scooted apart to create space as he placed it in between them.

“You can sit here and introduce yourself,” he patted the chair, the smile never leaving his face.

I hesitated for a moment before shuffling to the circle and taking my seat. My eyes dropped to my lap. Now that I was in the circle, a bout of self-consciousness rippled through me. I couldn’t bring myself to look up at all the heavy gazes I felt burning through my skin.

My arms started to tremble once more. My fingers curled into fists atop my lap.

Francis didn’t seem to notice. He started announcing something before I realised he was introducing his friends to me.

“This is Trina,” With a big gesture, he pointed at a girl in mauve glasses. “She’s the vice-president. A gorgeous darling and assists me in everything despite the fact that I can handle anything myself.”

“Please,” Trina rolled her eyes though she sounded playful. “You’re so disorganised that you couldn’t tell your left foot from your right if they weren’t attached to you.”

That brought out a few chuckles and laughs. Francis clutched his chest in mock horror. “How dare you. I mean its true but still.”

Trina shot me a brief, genuine smile. “Nice to meet you, Oliver.”

Francis turned to a guy in a T-shirt with a batman logo and black pants “This is Marcus. He’s the secretary. Apart from singing, he’s a comic book enthusiast.”

Marcus gave me a brief nod of acknowledgement.

“This is Daisy,” he gestured at a girl with bronze skin and luscious, obsidian hair adorned in gold jewellery. “She’s the Social Chair. Basically, she handles and plans any event we may have. And she can play you a mean guitar roll.”

Daisy gave me a close-lipped smile and blew me a kiss. I blushed despite myself.

“And this is Joseph, Amy, Lucius, Zecora -though we call her Zee, Clare – a pretty soul. If you want a professional cake, waste you time on her, Macy, Anthony and finally Flavian.” He finished with a long-haired guy who smiled shyly at me.

I swallowed. “Nice to meet you all.” I tried maintaining eye contact with each one of them but my brain wasn’t built to withstand that amount of stares shot in my direction. My eyes returned to my lap. Rivulets of sweat ran down my neck.

I was surprised when a hand came up to my shoulder. “It’s ok.” It was Anthony -the auburn haired guy on my right who had scooted to make space for me. “We don’t bite.”

Francis cleared his throat. “Ok. We’re going to play a little game. A game of confidence, a game full of fun, fun, fun. This is a game for newbies and since this is the glee club this will be a game for singing!” He clapped his hands which did anything but ease my nerves but he continued, “In this game, we’re going to turn our backs to you and you bestie,” I could feel Francis’s smile bearing down on my head. “You are going to sing your favourite song to us. Sounds good?”

I blanched. My arms that were trembling went suddenly still. I was a stone statue at that very moment.

“Great,” Francis cheered, taking my silence as a yes. Before I could work my voice, before I could muster the chance to refuse all that, everyone rose and aligned their seats so that they were facing away from me before sitting once more, their back towards me.

The breath was almost knocked away from my lungs. Oh my god.

I counted silently in my head from hundred to one, my heart going into overdrive. They weren’t expecting me to actually sing infront of them. On my first day?

And they had sounded so great. My voice could never compare to theirs. I shouldn’t be here.

I clutched my shirt, feeling faint. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I…

Breathe Ollie, a voice whispered in my head and I realised with a start it was my mother’s. Pretend they’re not here. Pretend you’re in your room, belting out your wildest verses of your favourite songs. As far as you know, these people don’t exist.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I can do this. Even if they won’t like it, even if they won’t like me…

On the twenty second count of my mental countdown, I launched into the song my mother and I coined during our hike in the Rockies when I was twelve – one of the happiest days of my life.

It started as a whisper. I sang of how beautiful the sky had been, it’s color so blue I dreamed of injecting it into my favourite ice cream. I sang of my mother grabbing my hands and spinning me around, the rush of the clean mountain air slapping me into clarity.

I had to dig some of the lyrics from the back of my mind because it had been so long since I sang this song but as I continued, my voice lost its shakiness, my tone becoming stronger.

And soon I felt invincible. I felt like I was atop of the mountains as I had been that day. I felt alive and happy and exhilarated. I hadn’t felt like this since…

My voice faltered. I hadn’t felt like this since I bore my heart out to Jude about my book. Since I word-vomited to him about the story I wanted to live instead of this sick, awful life.

Had he truly liked that I did that?

But you’ll never know until he tells you or you ask him, Vanessa’s words rang like the school alarm in my head

I wanted to know. I wanted to know so much it sliced into me like a butcher’s knife.

I wanted to know now.

“Why did you suddenly stop? Fuck, that was beautiful,” A voice spoke abruptly and I realised the circle had been silent. After a momentary gap of confusion I realised it was Flavian – the guy who’d shot me a brief shy smile.

I rose to my feet so fast I knocked my seat to the ground. And I was running. Running past the circle, through the hallway and out of the room.

Only when I reached the school gate did I realise I’d left my bag back at the club but I didn’t care.

Blindly, I fished out my phone before requesting an uber to Rick’s house. Before I could catch my thoughts, before I could backtrack on my actions and realise I was acting like a lunatic, the car arrived.

“Lincoln street,” the uber driver asked.

“Yes,” I panted.

He flinched a bit when he met my eyes. I must have had a wild, barbaric look.

After a moment, he gestured to get in the car. I hopped in it without a second thought before it sped away, my eyes trained forward and never looking back…

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I stood at the door to their house, the adrenaline from my previous actions ebbing.

The reality of it all came crashing down on me. What had I done? I’d just abandoned those guys like they were an after thought. They would probably never let me back in their club but I couldn’t care. Not now.

That deep-seated uncertainty was gnawing at my being so much and it hadn’t stopped, not even during the car ride.

I wanted to know.

Without much hesitation, I rang the doorbell.

It didn’t take a while before someone opened the door. It was Rick and Jude’s mom.

“Oliver?” She said with a slight frown. “I haven’t seen you in a while. What brings you here? Are you okay?”

“Is Jude in?”

She looked completely stunned at the question. “No. He didn’t feel like going to school today though he’s out for a run and his jogs can take hours.”

Disappointment raked its sharp talons at my chest

“Is something wrong? Did you want to talk to him urgently? I can call him – “

“It’s okay,” I stepped back. “That won’t be necessary.”

Concern warped her features. “You can wait in the house for him. I have refreshments.”

“No, it’s fine. It was nothing important.” I turned, my voice heavy with something I couldn’t identify. “Sorry for disturbing your time, Ms Adams.”

Ms Adams hesitated. I could feel she was about to say something but at the last second she sighed. I heard the door shut, along with all my hopes and drive.

I felt so stupid. What had I been thinking?

I closed my eyes. I felt like the courage was leaving me through my feet like a leaking pipe. I would never get this opportunity again. I would never be this courageous to ask him at all. I was sure of it.

And it made me want to cry.

After a moment that seemed to stretch for eternity, there was a shuffling sound infront of me that cut through my thoughts. It was probably a neighbour of the Adams taking out the trash or something.

Not that anything mattered now.

The shuffling sound abruptly stopped prompting me to open my eyes, curiosity getting the better of me.

I took a sharp breath.

It was Jude.

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Hi, my lovess👋 Been a while. Caught the nastiest writer’s block I’ve had in a while but I’m back.

Do you think Oliver overreacted in the previous chapter or was he justified?

What do you think about the glee club?

Lemme know your thoughts. I just finished writing but I’m in such a rush to publish just to get this over with that I’ll edit this later so bear with any tiny errors🥹

And thank, thank, thank you for keeping up with me and my sometimes long breaks. And taking the time to actually read my story.

love y’all❤️