Chapter 39

OLIVER

After Vanessa raised that question, I stood and darted for the washrooms.

I absolutely had no idea where they were and, considering the state I was in, I could not muster up the composure to ask for directions. I just trusted my legs and flying eyes to guide me.

No. No. No. She knew. She definitely knew.

After navigating dozens of corners and nearly bumping into people like a human-sized meteor, I blindly stopped at a door that reeked of the stinging scent of soap and disinfectant. The door held the classic stick figure of a man.

The washrooms. My saviour.

I bolted in, glad that it was empty before making my way to a sink that stretched to the far end of the wall.

I looked at my reflection. Baggy, droopy eyes, slightly crusty lips and cheeks tinted with red hue that was fading.

And a faded jacket that looked like it should belong in a dumpster.

I opened the faucet and didn’t wait a second before dousing my face with frigid water.

I waited. One. Two. Three. Five. Seconds.

But I was still jittery and my palms were shaking. The blush in my cheeks was still there. I wanted to scream in frustration.

You look great, He’d said.

My heart fluttered. Why had he said that? At that point, I looked anything but great.

The hesitation in his voice suddenly made my hands tighten on the sink. The tight ball of resentment grew bigger. My lips trembled.

It hit me. I’d wanted him to say something. I’d been waiting for him to say something to me ever since what happened at my house. Something that was growing bigger and bigger. Something that if I wanted to, I would decipher in a matter of seconds…. but I didn’t want to pop that ball of anger in my gut.

I was afraid of what I would find if I intentionally popped it.

But I couldn’t get that image of his expression out of my mind – that slightly desperate look. He had looked equally cute and undeniably hot – something only Jude was able to pull off and –

I sighed. Just by having a haircut, he was driving me insane. I hated it.

Deep breaths, Oliver. Deep breaths.

I maintained a steady pattern of breathing. I stopped shaking. The pink tinge in my cheeks disappeared.

I took one last look at the mirror, ignored the tingling feeling in the hand that shook Jude, and left the bathroom.

Vanessa was trying – and hideously failing at hiding her smirk as I plomped back to my seat.

“So it is him?” She cooed.

I didn’t answer.

“You know, the darker the chocolate, the better it tastes.”

“Vanessa!” I gasped.

She raised her hands defensively.

I leaned back in my seat, crossing my arms and stared stonily at my macchiato, waiting for her to tease me some more but she didn’t speak.

The silence became unbearable.

I buried my head in my hands. “Don’t tell Rick.”

“Oliver -“

“Please,” I whispered. “Until I sort this out. Rick wouldn’t want to know this especially since he’s been avoiding me.”

“I mean he’s also been avoiding me…”

“Please, Vanessa.”

The mirth in Vanessa’s eyes did anything but dissipate, but she nodded. “My lips are sealed.”

“How are you not bothered by this?” I demanded, suddenly irritated.

“Oh, I am bothered. Shocked. Bamboozled. My head has been blown away. You’ll currently find it in New Zealand, babes. Knowing you’re messing with my boyfriend’s brother is quite the irony.”

I scratched my cup. “Well I wouldn’t consider it messing…”

Vanessa shrugged. “If it makes you feel any better, I think he likes you.”

“What?” I screeched.

I’d practically forgotten I was in a café with dozens of other people. Some peeping tom among the diners must have been having the time of their life overhearing our conversation.

I looked around furtively before lowering my voice. “Jude liking me? No way. He hates me. Or he used to hate me. Now he’s just… i don’t know… indifferent?”

Vanessa rolled her eyes. “The tension around you guys just now was so volatile I thought this entire café would explode. Plus, he told you you look great. You. When you look like you haven’t slept in days and wearing a jacket that might fall off its seams at any moment – “

“Ok, I think I get it,” I murmured in my most flat, annoyed tone before sighing. “I think you’re just being delusional. He doesn’t like me. And I don’t want him to like me. I just want…”

I bit my lip. “I want peace right now.”

Vanessa got quiet at that, all amusement vanishing from her face.

“He told me to join the glee club,” I admitted. “He heard me sing.”

“And what’s the issue?”

“Everything. He’s probably making fun of me for that, like he used to a long time ago. Like everyone else who heard me sing. And I vomited my book to him,” I buried my head in my hands. “This is so embarrasing. He thinks I’m such a loser.”

“Oliver,” Vanessa’s tone startled me a bit. It had gained a sudden neutrality to it, like she wasn’t sure how I would take what she was about to say. “I’m gonna hold your hand while I say this… but I think your insecurities are getting the better of you.”

I lowered my hands from my face. “What?”

“You heard me. First of all, your voice is amazing. Remember during that night we played truth or dare when you sang ‘Twinkle Twinkle little star’ ?”

Gee, how could I forget that? I thought sarcastically, The night that started this whole mess.

I’d straddled Jude when I sang that stupid song. I could never forget it.

“You sang it so beautifully,” she continued. “I was honestly surprised. Honestly, the men that make fun of you for that are just jealous they could never achieve those kind of high notes but I digress.”

She locked eyes with me. “My point is… you might be holding on to a version of Jude that no longer exists.”

I frowned.

“I don’t know the issue between you two. I mean obviously you may not have liked each other. Obviously, Jude might have been a jerk but… maybe consider that itty bitty chance that he’s starting to change.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“Think about it,” Vanessa supplied. “When he heard you sing, he immediately suggested you should join a club for singing. Why would he make fun of you after that?”

I couldn’t find any words to say.

Vanessa took the silence as leeway to continue. “How did he react when you told him about your book?”

He’d stood like a statue when I finished, the expression on his face so weird I couldn’t describe it.

After a moment, I found my voice. “He just stood there.”

“And …” Vanessa quirked an eyebrow. “Did he ask any questions to display interest? Did he roll his eyes when you were done?”

“No, he just stood there…”

“Well that doesn’t seem like he thinks you were a loser but you’ll never know until he tells you or you ask him -“

“Stop.” I clenched my jaw. This entire convo was making that tight ball of emotion resurface. It was making me feel a lot of things. Things I didn’twant to feel. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Vanessa’s jaw tightened but she said nothing. I didn’t want to dwell on her words so I finished my macchiatoa and dished out to Vanessa her own medicine. “What’s up with you and that friend of Jude, Ruan?”

She froze. “What do you mean? We just met.”

“And exchanged numbers.”

“So?”

I opened my mouth to say something before thinking better of it. Vanessa gave me a strange look that seemed to pierce through my soul but didn’t say anything else.

The silence began to feel suffocating.

She suddenly looked down. “What if… what if Rick is cheating on me?” She tried to play the question off as nonchalant but her voice was shaking.

I was shocked. She really had been scared and anxious all this time.

I suddenly felt a pang of pity. “I think Rick’s actions say more about him than about you. Plus I already think he’s cheating. I think you should leave him.” I finally said what I’d been scared to say all this time.

Vanessa stirred her empty cup with a spoon mindlessly.

The conversation ended after that.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Two days later

“I can’t believe that dumb sports exchange competition -“

“Program,” Casey corrected me, making me roll my eyes.

I stopped in my tracks and gazed at our college sports grounds. There were two usable routes from class to our school’s entrance ; one cutting straight through the heart of our school – which most people tend to use as it’s shorter.

And then there is the second one ; curving around the school.

The longer one.

It was way way more time-consuming than the first one but it offered a scenic view of our college’s pristine, large sports grounds.

We regularly used it a while back when we started college as an excuse to ogle on hot, sweaty sportsmen as they trained.

I’d met Lionel because he’d been spotting me ogle him numerous times and confronted me about it, leading to a short weird fling with him before, you know, whatever happened between us happened.

Anyways, we’d frequently use it. That is, until Casey got a boyfriend and everything now became about JJ. We’d eventually stopped using it, which was fine by me as at least that meant I wouldn’t encounter Lionel ever.

But why were we using it today at Casey’s insistence?

“Whatever,” I whined. “It’s in a week, and I am not thrilled to say the least. Don’t they know I’m not athletic?”

“Neither am I but guess who wants extra credit for their grade?” He shook his hands and pointed at him then me. “Did anyone force you to enter that program?”

“No.”

“I recall seeing you very enthusiastically sign up for it.”

I wanted to wipe that grin off his face by almost any means necessary. But the worst part of me thought about my noodle-like limbs kicking a ball or trying to run and I almost threw up at the thought.

Just then, a whistle was blown and, as I watched, a football game began. It was all a blur of beefy biceps, broad shoulders, and plump asses wrapped in the bright green uniforms of our college.

As I watched, our school’s quarterback – Malcolm- stood for a moment to coordinate their team’s attack and my eyes slid towards his uniform and how tight it hugged him, bringing out every muscle.

My heart began to race before looking away. Lately, I’d begun to think that I could only find Jude attractive, but it was nice to know my homosexuality wasn’t limited to a singular man.

“I’m thinking of joining the glee club,” I suddenly announced.

Casey, who upon glancing at him, swerved his eyes away from the field, exactly where Malcolm had been a few seconds ago. “What?”

I repeated what I’d just said.

He frowned. “But I don’t like singing and dancing and stuff.”

“So?”

Casey threw his hands in exasperation. “So, you shouldn’t. We major the same thing, we shop at the same place, we get haircuts at the same place. We do everything together.”

I raised an eyebrow. “But you go clubbing together with JJ. I’m never with you.”

“You never want to come,” he said impatiently.

“And remember when you went to that country fair. With JJ. Again.”

Casey crossed his arms. “That was one time.”

I gave him a sharp look. “And what’s the difference between that and me wanting to try out a club you’re not interested in.”

“I….” For once, he was at a loss for words.

He wrenched his gaze away from me and stared at his shoes. “Oh. Okay. I guess… I guess you can try the club.”

“Are you okay with it?”

“I am,” he muttered in a tone that said he was anything but fine.

I sighed. I don’t know what would have come out of my mouth – maybe a sorry – but before I could speak, Casey’s eyes rose from the ground and locked onto something behind me. I was suddenly hearing footsteps.

He froze.

I turned and my heart nearly stopped.

Jude – Jude – was jogging towards us, his backpack flung over his shoulders. Any hope that he was so busy on his run that he hadn’t seen me was thrown out the window the moment I saw his eyes locked onto us.

I glanced at Casey but a thin line had formed on his lips, his expression a light mask of distaste.

“I’m gonna go,” he whispered and scampered away before I could even say a thing.

Traitor, I yelled inwardly.

He’d abandoned me. I couldn’t believe it.

A part of me, however, suspected he was also doing it to escape me too, which sent a brief flash of pain coursing through me before I brushed it off.

Jude was still a bit far off. I could still make my escape.

I turned, about to scurry off.

“Wait,” I heard him say.

His voice made me freeze the way it always managed to. He sounded close. Way too close.

In a daze, I turned just to catch him stopping a few feet away. His low taper fade still looked fresh, his short curls glistening with what looked like drops of water, along with his light moustache and stubble on his chin which I’d always dreamed of running my nails over.

When I met his eyes, they were already on me.

Oh my gosh. He’d caught me ogling at his face.

“Hi,” he said. The classic greeting yet again. He sounded exhausted, like he’d just been from training. His chest heaved.

After a moment, I stopped staring like a dumb duck. “Hi.”

I didn’t offer my hand. I was never doing that mistake again.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m good,” I said, my voice frail. I almost sounded like a screeching bird.

The air became tense as it always turned when we were together. The silence was an unavoidable giant between us.

When Jude realised I wasn’t going to speak, he started rubbing his head. His fingers were slightly jittering. “I… I wanted to give you something.”

He sounded so uncharacteristically nervous, all my muscles became alert. He shouldered off his backpack and started rummaging through its contents, his fingers still jittery.

I held my breath.

My eyes finally found the break they needed to skim over his body like they always did when Jude was around – as if they became unemployed at his presence.

I’d never considered Jude particularly stocky or burly like maybe Malcolm for instance but he was still lean and well muscled in all the right areas. His arms, exposed by the brown Tee he wore -which clung to his skin with sweat- were lithe and veined. I watched their muscles flex and shift as he foraged for whatever he was looking for in his backpack.

He paused, suddenly cursing and muttering to himself. “Please tell me I didn’t forget. Shit.”

Still in my trance, I glanced down at his legs and died for the second time that day. They were sweaty and tense, exposed by the skin-tight shorts that track athletes and ordinary joggers sometimes wore. The ones that leave almost nothing to the imagination.

I ripped my gaze away from them and Jude entirely, my hands starting to sweat.

I want to run away from him and move away to another town right now, I thought.

I want to worship those legs right now, a rouge part of me thought, the idea spontaneous and absolutely, undeniably true.

“Shut up,” I snapped.

Jude suddenly froze, his eyes on me. “What?”

With a sudden horror, I realised I’d said that aloud. “Nothing,” I quickly apologised. “It’s nothing.”

He hesitated before casting his attention back to his backpack. After a moment, his muscles relaxed before he sighed. He drew something from it, and handed it to me.

I stared at the book in my hand, confusion briefly setting into my mind before I recognised it.

It was book three of the Highborn series. The one Rick had promised to buy me back when I agreed to accompany him to Rockwater mall. The one I’d been dreaming to read since I finished book two. The one that kept me awake at night, that kept me wondering how the suspense from book two’s cliffhanger could be resolved.

The object of all my desires.

Oh. my. gosh.

The light suddenly got sharper. I could not explain what happened next.

One moment, I was gaping at the book in my hands, the next my arms were wrapped around Jude’s waist, my head deep in his chest, a thousand giggles and screeches erupting from my lips.

I sounded absolutely deranged.

Jude immediately tensed. I could feel it under my arms but I didn’t care. A wave of listless euphoria overtook me. The air was bursting with flavour. Even Jude’s sweaty chest was a breath of fresh air.

A minute passed.

I pulled back. I didn’t care that I’d just embraced Jude. I didn’t care about anything else but that book. I twirled and spinned, holding the book to my chest, a dumb smile etched to my face.

Jude stared soundlessly at me. He still looked tense. His mouth was slightly open, like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. He stared briefly at his chest then at me, a red hue spreading across his cheeks – so faint that I thought I was hallucinating.

After a dozen spins, I finally calmed down enough to breathe.

“Thank you,” I glanced at Jude, whose mouth was still slightly agape. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Jude maintained his listless stare for a long moment before he regained clarity. He blinked several times and met my eyes, his jaw set. “I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it!” I hugged it to my chest again.

Jude swallowed. He stared at me again. “I – I….” he stuttered. I’d definitely never seen him this nervous before. It was mind boggling. “I wanted to hear you… talk about it.”

I froze.

“After you finish reading it.” He broke off his gaze on me, choosing to glance at the ground. His hands ran through his hair.

Now it was my time to stare. He’d bought me this book… to hear me yap about it?

What in the world?

The thought was so insane, it instantly cleared my stupor. I remembered what Vanessa had said – that I’d been holding onto a version of Jude that doesn’t exist anymore.

It couldn’t be true. Jude would never something like this with a thought like that in mind.

I stared at Jude again. I found his eyes on me. Expectant. Almost desperate.

He was waiting for something. He was waiting for an answer.

Like I had been waiting for him to say something back at the café. Waiting for him to say…

Without warning, the tight ball of hot emotion, the one I’d been burying since Jude left my place, since I comforted him in my house suddenly burst.

And I finally knew. I knew what I’d been wanting Jude to say to me all this time. Knew with such a blinding wave rage and bitterness and resentment that it almost knocked me off my feet.

“You never said sorry.” I whispered.

Jude frowned. “What?”

“When you broke down at my place, when you passed out due to grief, I comforted you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I was there for you. I helped you through it.” My voice was rising. “I was there for you. Despite the fact that we hated each other. And you never apologised. You never apologised for being a jerk to me!”

Jude’s expression was a mask of complete bewilderment. He was about to say something but I cut him off.

“You were such a jerk. Making me feel weak for being who I am. For liking pretty things. For doing pretty things!” I was half shouting half whispering at this point. “I know a good deed isn’t supposed to be transactional but I helped you. The least you could do is apologize!”

Jude was breathing hard now. His mouth was tight-shut, his jaw clenching and unclenching, his hands balled into fists. His eyes refused to meet mine, instead choosing to stare stonily at the field.

It only enraged me more. “You’re not going to apologize. You’re never going to apologize, aren’t you?”

He didn’t answer.

I couldn’t stand it. I stamped my feet and turned before running off without another word, the world around me a blur.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

These chapters are starting to become absurdly long to write OMG.

Anyways, if anyone thought it was gonna be easy for these two pookies to be with each other, SIKE!