Chapter 30

OLIVER

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“Where am I?” The voice whispered again after a few minutes, but I couldn’t put a name to it at first. My mind was muddled with forty nights worth of sleep. It kept replaying foreign events; Me getting into a fight with some guy named Dylan, Casey passing out, JJ driving me, Jude on the back of the car, rambling incoherent words, Jude hugging me in his chest, Jude leaning down to kiss me…

Jude, Jude, Jude….

I woke up with a gasp. Absently, I heard a small muffled sound, then a loud thud. My eyes sporadically roved the room, not knowing where I was at first, before they landed on a familiar bookshelf on my left. My favourite unfinished bookseries; High Born lay on the bottom shelf, its two books, lit by moonlight streaming from the window, were splayed haphazardly.

Then my eyes landed on a figure flat on the ground, right next to the bookshelf. It was a guy wearing a grey hoodie littered with big brown stains and black denim jeans. His face was bent, his chest heaving as he took deep breaths.

Then he raised his head. It was Jude.

And then it all came crushing down on me. I remembered.

Jude sat upright and spread his knees. His face was drenched in sweat, making his dark, melanin skin gleam in the moonlight. His expression was a mixture of confusion and slight fear as his eyes scanned my room, maybe searching for a familiar element, before they landed on me.

“Oliver?”

I couldn’t speak. My muscles seemed frozen as I remembered everything from last night.

Jude released a sigh before his jaw clenched. “You fuckin scared me.” He scanned my room again. “Where am I? What am I doing here?”

“You’re in my r-r-room.”

Jude quirked an eyebrow. He didn’t seem amused. Then he suddenly clutched his forehead. “Shit. My head… ” he shut his eyes, his brows furrowing. “Feels like I just inhaled 500 illegal drugs all at once.”

His eyes flicked open before they landed on me again. “Did you drug me?”

I shook my head vigorously. His voice seemed to be gaining hostility the more he talked to me so I figured I’d better clear things up.

So I recounted everything. Well, almost everything. I left out the part where he hugged me- and nearly kissed me- and the part where he was in JJ’s car, muttering about Rick, his dad and a body.

When I was done, he stayed completely silent. His face was almost impassive before he glanced at the ceiling and shut his eyes. He was trying to hide it pretty well but I could sense the turmoil brimming inside him, trying to make sense of what I’d just said.

After a few minutes, he broke the silence with a heavy whisper. “So there were these two guys and one of them was…” he gulped, “…was coming on to me and you… you fended him off?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

I watched his Adams apple bob up and down as he swallowed. I thought he’d never believe me, that he’ll accuse me of that disgusting action. He released a shaky sigh before glancing at me. His jaw clenched again, but his eyes had softened a fraction. “Thanks.”

I couldn’t respond. My throat felt clogged up with an emotion I couldn’t decipher. A heavy silence settled between us.

“I feel so hot,” Jude suddenly grumbled before wrenching his hoodie off him in a smooth motion, dropping it several feet away. My heart nearly stopped, thinking he was shirtless underneath but he had been wearing a jungle green tanktop underneath.

A mixture of relief and disappointment fluttered in my gut as I suddenly remembered Dylan’s words: Have you felt him, dude? The guy’s got a six pack underneath that piece of clothing.

I definitely wasn’t like Dylan. I definitely didn’t wanna be like him. I definitely didn’t want to see if Jude did have a six-pack.

Definitely.

So why was I disappointed he wasn’t shirtless?

Jude didn’t notice my inner turmoil. He leaned back on his arms and smacked his lips, a soundless sigh escaping him at the feeling of cold air on his exposed arms and neck. I tried to ignore how his biceps flexed and became as taut as a wire.

Another five minutes passed. Neither of us had spoken.

“Why did you go to that club?” I blurted out.

Jude’s head was still thrown back. “Velvet Underground?” He asked, “What do you mean?”

This time, I tried to ignore his excessively deep, vibrating voice that always sent goosebumps in my skin, even before we did that dare that night. I’ve always been scared of his voice before then, but now all I wanted was to creep closer to him, just to hear it more clearly. My thighs began to burn.

“It’s a predominantly gay club. I thought… I mean… why would you…” I stuttered, instantly wishing I hadn’t asked him that question before turning my head away to hide the blush creeping into my cheeks.

There was another gap of silence. Then, Jude spoke in a low tone, “I-I don’t know. I thought going to a ‘Straight’ club was…was too much because,” he inhaled, like he was deciding whether or not to tell me, “I get bothered a lot in those kind of clubs especially if I don’t want attention.”

“Bothered? By who?” I asked, though I’d already guessed the answer.

“Girls, mostly. Their unsolicited flirting can be too much at times. And other times, it’s jealous boyfriends and old sugar daddies who think I’m taking all the club’s ‘stock’ of ladies.”

I tried to look for smugness in his tone, but there wasn’t even a hint like he didn’t know what could possibly prompt those people to act like that which was so odd with the picture I’ve always had with Judah that I couldn’t internalise it properly. The guy was supposed to be conceited, but here he was, absolutely oblivious.

“I thought,” his tone changed, and though I couldn’t see his face, I could tell he was frowning, “I thought a gay club could be different. I wasn’t bothered at all when I started drinking… ” he shrugged.

Well obviously since everyone was afraid to approach you until they were under the influence too, I thought.

Jude had to know about his good looks because I refuse to believe he was this oblivious. And he went to a gay club expecting to not get a smidge of attention?

What the actual hell? The guy was dumber than any horror movie/show character.

He licked his lips, absentmindedly and a rush of thoughts ran through me making me shut my eyes. I suddenly remembered his nose on my neck and how those lips had lightly touched my forehead and, without thinking, my hand travelled to the exact spot on my neck before rubbing it.

I opened my eyes to see Jude already looking at me, his eyes narrowing at the hand on my neck. I immediately dropped it but he stared at my neck for a while before he mused, “You’ve touched that spot on your neck several times? You got a skin problem?”

I had?? I hadn’t noticed. I had to be more careful now Ohmygosh. If he knew…. I don’t know what he would do.

As if he could sense my thoughts, his eyes narrowed even more before he canted his head. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

My hands skittered on my bed before I restrained myself. “What do you mean?”

He pinned me with a stare.

Oh, so now he’s deciding to be smart and totally unoblivious, I thought.

There was absolutely no way I was telling him so I expertly tried to come up with a lie but his stare was so unnerving every thought vanished from my head. His hazelnut eyes were too unsettling, especially with the moonlight bouncing off of them.

When he realised I wasn’t going to tell him, he scowled. “Whatever.”

“You’re mad?”

“No.” He stood, his body stiff and rigid, like he was trying to get himself under control. He grabbed for his hoodie but my voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Yes, you are,” I said in absolute bewilderment, “You’re mad. Pissed off…”

He faced me. “I’m not… ” he took a deep breath, his face falling into a pout which made his nose scrunch and his cheeks slightly puff out. He looked absolutely adorable and he didn’t realise it, though I wasn’t going to tell him that. “I’m not mad.”

“Yes you are,” I smirked. I was enjoying teasing him, enjoying this in general, more than I would have liked to admit. I never realised how much he could act like a child.

His jaw ticked. “I’m not.”

“Yes you are,” -baby boy – I almost said, before I caught myself. “You’re mad because I’m not letting you in on this supposed ‘secret’. Like a child not being invited to a playdate with his friend that he’d been oh so impatiently waiting for.”

Jude’s right eye ticked. I thought he’d finally gone over the edge before he sighed. Without another word, he grabbed his hoodie and turned away from me.

“Wait,” I said.

He continued marching towards the door.

“You didn’t think I was the one who came on to you…”

He stopped in his tracks. His body went completely still. “What?” He breathed out.

“I-I thought for a moment that you…” I swallowed, “That you thought I was lying about all that and that…that I was the one who came on to you. Like…like Lionel did to me.”

Silence. Jude didn’t move an inch of any part of his body. He might as well have been a statue.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, he faced me and I almost flinched. His eyes were shimmering with thinly veiled rage. “Don’t ever say that again.”

“I-I-“

“Don’t ever say that again,” he repeated, his hands balling into fists. “You’re nothing like that guy. Lionel is disgusting and a pervert and you’re nothing like that.”

My heart fluttered. I was too shocked by the force he was putting into his words. I couldn’t find the words so I just stared at him.

“Besides,” his voice became low, the fury vanishing from his voice, “you could never do that. I…I trust you.” He bent his head down so I couldn’t see his expression.

Oh my gosh. If I couldn’t find the words earlier, now I was a mumbling idiot with absolutely no thought in his head.

After a while, Jude raised his head. All emotion had vanished from his face. He turned away from me, heading towards the door.

“Wait,” I said, stopping him in his tracks just as he reached the door. “Where are you going?”

“My house,” he said in a tone that said ‘Well obviously. Where else would I go?’

I suddenly gripped my bed, my voice getting more anxious. “You don’t remember anything else. You said…” I took a deep breath. I decided to tell him. “You said you didn’t want to see your mom and Rick. Because…because..”

“Because what?” He said, clearly irritated.

I gulped, and finally said it, “because of something to do with your d-d…”

I couldn’t say the rest. I just couldn’t. All I could think of was how much he was in pain when he mentioned him in JJ’s car.

Jude suddenly faced me and I inhaled sharply the moment I saw his expression; a bleary, haunted look. I knew right then and there I would never forget that look.

“No,” he whispered…

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