Chapter 85

The day of the dance arrived so fast Ryan didn’t know how it happened.  “This is it,” Jacky said as the school rolled into view. “You ready?”

Ryan nodded firmly.

“You’ll be fine,” Mrs. Jennings said from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah.” Ryan was holding Jacky’s hand so tightly their palms were sweating. “We’ll be fine.”

And everything was fine, up until they got to the table where they would hand over their tickets. “You two look so cute!” said Madysen Morse, a sophomore. Then she handed each of them a slip of pink paper. “Don’t forget to vote for Winter King and Queen!”

Ryan had completely forgotten about Winter King and Queen. Distantly he recalled Monica saying something about it, but that had been months ago. The winter formal wasn’t prom, but they still had a king and queen, which was pretty stupid, because the formal was open for all grades, and usually only seniors won.

“Hey,” said Jacky, nudging him. “Your name’s on here.”

Of course, because king and queen were voted as couples. Stupid tradition. Alex and Peyton had been nominated. As had Ryan and Monica.

He and Monica hadn’t been an official couple for at least six months. In the past couple of weeks, Ryan guessed that everyone had found out that he was gay. He’d thought they would have updated the ballot.

Madysen noticed Ryan’s hesitation. “It’s okay to vote for yourself!”

“I don’t know why I’m on here,” Ryan mumbled. “With Monica.”

“It’s fine,” Jacky said. He checked off the box next to Ryan’s name. “I’m gonna vote for you anyway.”

At that moment, Ryan wanted to hug Jacky and give him a huge kiss. “I’m sure I won’t win.”

“Never say never.” Jacky smirked at him. He reached over and checked off the same box on Ryan’s ballot. “You have two votes, anyway.”

“Let’s go,” said Ryan.

His mouth settled into a grim line as they approached the gymnasium. He’d never been nominated for winter king and queen, but he had been a member of the Homecoming Court every year. Even this year. Homecoming was always super early in the season, the beginning of October. Even though he and Monica hadn’t been dating then, either, they had still been voted in. Alex and Peyton had always won. King and Queen danced together, then the rest of the Homecoming Court would join them. The winter formals had an almost identical format.

“Jacky!” Haylee Hansen pushed away from the wall she’d been leaning against. Her short purple dress had a tight, strapless bodice and a poofy skirt. “Have you seen Cody?”

“No, we just got here,” Jacky said.

“He said he was going to meet me here.” Haylee smoothed down her skirt and checked her cell phone.

“You can come inside with us,” Jacky offered. “Cody’s always late.”

Haylee looked at her phone again. “Oh! Nina just got here.” Jacky and Ryan exchanged a look at the mention of Nina. “Don’t worry, we’ll catch up to you.”

“Okay.” Once Haylee was out of earshot, Jacky whispered to Ryan, “Do you think they know?”

“Cody isn’t exactly what I would call stealth. How could they not know?”

The pounding music grew louder as they rounded the corner. A photographer was set up beside the open gym doors, with a lattice archway decorated in fake snow and icicles, and a wintry light blue backdrop. Already there was a long line for photos.

Earlier in the evening, Mrs. Jennings had posed the boys in front of the fireplace for photos. Her iPhone that had a screen nearly the size of an iPad. There was a hairy moment when she started to say, “You look so handsome, both of you. If only…” And both Ryan and Jacky knew she was thinking of Jacky’s dad and Ryan’s mom, and there had been a group hug and splashing cold water on their faces before they left the house again.

Ryan had slowed down at the sight of the photographer, nearly frozen, like a deer in the headlights. He didn’t recognize anyone in the line, but he was sure some of them recognized him.

“You want to get a photo?” Jacky asked. Jacky’s hand tightened around his. “I’ll pay.”

“Maybe… later,” Ryan said, each word an effort. “When the line’s not so long.”

Jacky hadn’t been able to tell Ryan the real reason why he was nervous for the dance. It was because he was nervous that Ryan would back out of this grand plan to come out to the whole school by showing up here with him.

It was like a surreal nightmare to see Ryan’s name on the ballot alongside Monica’s for the stupid Winter King and Queen. Wasn’t Monica on the fucking dance committee? Why hadn’t she taken herself off the ballot? The only thing that stopped him from cursing out loud had been the expression on Ryan’s face. He’d looked upset at the whole thing, so Jacky tried to cheer him up by acting like everything was fine and fucking dandy.

Maybe he hadn’t been to a school dance since eighth grade, but he knew how this king and queen shit went down: the happy crowned couple danced with each other in front of everyone in the whole school.

Jacky wasn’t interested in watching his boyfriend dancing with goddamned Monica Johnston.

Cody’s whole situation wasn’t helping matters, either. It would have been nice if Jacky and Ryan could have hung out with Cody and Nina, or Cody and Haylee, instead of Jacky worrying that Nina was going to somehow find out that Cody was two-timing her and unleash her fury, which almost certainly would involve Matt Welch storming in and beating Cody to a pulp.

Giant snowflakes and a metric ton of white and blue crepe paper hanging from the ceiling, almost disguising the fact that it was a gym. A low platform had been set up at one end, with a DJ spinning the most obnoxious songs currently on the radio and a lone microphone stand in the middle, awaiting the coronation.

One bank of bleachers had been pulled out, but there weren’t many people sitting down. People weren’t dancing yet, they were taking selfies and hugging and shrieking about each other’s outfits.

“Want some food?” Jacky asked, because Ryan’s attention had slipped again. Ryan was scouting the room, looking for his friends. Jacky didn’t have any friends to look for, and he felt keenly insecure.

“I’m not hungry,” said Ryan.

Neither was Jacky, not the way his stomach was flopping around. At least he was still holding Ryan’s hand.

Lance walked up with a girl on his arm. It took Jacky a minute to recognize Emily Pittman from his English class. “You seen Alex?” Lance asked.

“Not yet,” said Ryan.

“Matt’s gonna snap his neck,” Lance said. “Alex’s promise to get him a date fell through.”

“Damn. Is he taking it hard?”

“He’s already mixing up his special punch.”

That meant Matt was going to be drunk soon. This was bad, real bad.

“Oh! Here’s Haylee and Nina,” Jacky said. As soon as the words escaped his mouth he wanted to smack himself in the face. Matt and Nina being anywhere near each other wasn’t going to make anything better.

Haylee and Nina ran into the gym holding hands and laughing. They made a beeline for the dance floor and starting jumping around singing along.

Their enthusiasm caught on, and soon more people were dancing. “Want to dance?” Jacky yelled over the music.

Ryan looked at the crowd, then at Jacky, then shook his head and started talking to Monica, who had joined them. The deafening music meant that Jacky couldn’t hear what they were saying.

He tugged his hand away from Ryan. The ease with which his fingers released made him realize that it had been him clinging to Ryan and not the other way around, and he felt a cold stab of fear. “I’m going to go dance.”

Once again, Ryan looked out at the dance floor, then at Jacky, then said, “Okay.”

When Jacky walked off to join Nina and Haylee, he hoped Ryan would follow him.

He didn’t.

Nina and Haylee cheered when they saw him. He grinned and threw his one hand up, shoving down the sudden realization that the last time he had danced, he’d had both his arms.