Chapter 47

JUDE

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I ate Rick’s eggs in a frenzy. A buzz rang in my ears, so loud that I couldn’t hear anything other than my quickening breath. Oliver’s question had made me lose my appetite but turns out all I needed was my brother finally talking to me to make me devour the nearest food available.

I wiped my mouth and made my way to the sink to drop my plate. Then my feet were carrying me back to my room with renewed vigour in each step.

I knew it was dumb that I was celebrating my brother sending less than ten words my way. I knew there was a chance he was just being polite and things were still terrible between us.

But it didn’t stop me from almost bouncing off my feet.

It was progress.

And I was determined to make it up to him. I needed to show him I’d changed. Both him and myself.

I reached my room, a tiny smile the only evidence that I’d momentarily forgotten everything. Training sounded like a sweet treat now.

I popped into the shower for a quick wash before putting on some black shorts and a brown hoodie. Oliver’s questions were still rotten roots crawling at the back of my mind but, at the moment, I could pretend they didn’t exist.

I picked my phone off my bed before snatching my backpack off the floor. Right as I was turning to leave, my phone beeped. I checked it only to to notice it was a message from someone.

Maxine:
Hi, Jude. Been a minute since we talked. Can we meet up for coffee?

Maxine. A girl from campus I’d hooked up with months ago.

Seeing her name almost made me roll my eyes and drew out a tired sigh. She’d been pestering me with these kinds of messages once in a while – like every week or so.

And every time I’d shut her down.

Another message from her popped up as I stared blankly at the screen, the smile I had sported a while ago vanishing.

Maxine:
I miss you. =(

You miss my dick you mean.

A part of me, I wouldn’t deny, had thought about hooking up with her again just to escape my feelings, my grief. Technically, I wasn’t drinking so Rick and Mom wouldn’t feel bad.

But I’d ruled out that idea. It was still a way to avoid feeling. And I was tired of it. I was tired of letting my feelings pile up and finding a momentary escape that only covered that grotesque pile until my feelings exploded in an ugly manner.

My eyes lingered on her message for a moment before I finally left her on read. I let the screen turn dark before another another beep made my phone vibrate.

My teeth grinded with irritation. If it was another one of her messages, I was going to block her and –

Oliver:
Hi.

An almost static feeling of shock made my back straighten, my eyes focusing completely on the message.

Another message popped up immediately after the first.

Oliver:
I’m sorry for asking you that insensitive question.

Three dots appeared on my screen, signifying he was texting. It droned on for almost five minutes and I thought he was typing some kind of paragraph.

But my breath caught in my throat. And something told me I would have waited hours or even a fucking day for him to finish that text.

His message finally popped up just as my feet began to tingle with discomfort and soreness from standing so still for so long.

Oliver:
Are you mad at me?

It was such a simple question. And it was impossible to answer. Shit. Just seeing his name on my screen was enough to befuddle my head and cause a turmoil of emotion.

A part of me wanted to call him right then and there and tell him I wasn’t mad. I wanted to just hear him sigh with relief and forget everything that happened. Hell, I wanted him to share his thoughts about that book of his -A Tale of Two knights I think – and patiently wait for his voice to catch that airy tone that made my skin thrum and my heart skip with joy.

But another part of me felt disgusted by myself and hurt by him. I remembered with suddenness about yesterday and how he’d started to take a step back any time I came close to him. It shouldn’t have hurt me like it had but it did. So much that I’d nearly begged him yesterday to tell me why he kept putting distance between us.

Then he’d told me I’d touched him back in the club. He hadn’t seemed mad about it but my mind had been spiralling. I’d touched him without him letting me. It was just a hug and a sniff on his neck but regardless, I did it.

And being drunk didn’t excuse it.

It didn’t help that he’d been also recently touched by Lionel against his will and now I felt like we were the same.

I was just like Lionel.

I jerked my head away from my phone, laboured breaths escaping me. My eyes flew wildly across my room until they landed on a bunch of comics on my desk. Ruan’s to be specific.

He’d given them to me to read in my spare time and I hadn’t had time to do that. Or so I claimed.

Oliver’s question echoed in my head, bringing me back to square one. Looking at the comics, I knew there was time to read them. I just hadn’t wanted to spare time for them because I was afraid to try anything new. Afraid that reading them or trying a new hobby like painting and shit would in turn make me forget to run. Or cause me to hate it.

And in turn cause the space I had for my dad in my heart to shrink and eventually cease to exist.

My fingers curled into tight fists.

Who was I without running? I’d devoted so much time to myself to run in hopes that I’d make my father proud. If I tried something new, would the dad-shaped space in my heart disappear? Would that ‘new’ thing made me forget how I loved and missed him and continued to do so?

Or would it make that space expand more and lead to something more exciting in my life?

I rubbed a hand across my face, frustration making my head ache. I wanted to punch something.

My eyes zeroed in on the nearest wall before I forced myself to take a deep breath. I waited for my chest to relax and the buzz in my ears to quiet down.

Then without another thought, I left my room.

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It was 12:50 by the time I got out of the house and training was starting at one in the afternoon. I usually walked to school because it wasn’t far from my place but now I couldn’t afford to do that. I silently cursed my overthinking for wasting my damn time and strode over to my car.

It was a grey Honda Civic. Technically it was our dad’s but he gave it to Rick after he got another one who then gave it to me but I only used it for long-distance errands or trips. which happened once in a while. My excuse was that I needed extra motive to walk or run to school.

I couldn’t recall the last time I used it. Maybe a month ago? Was it even functioning?

I crouched several times to inspect the tires before making my way to the front of the car. I opened the hood and surgically inspected the engine, radiator, battery all that shit.

Everything seemed fine except for the left front tire which looked dejected but enough for a trip or two. I decided I’d fill it on my way back from school.

I rushed back to the house for the keys before dumping my training gear at the back of the car and starting it. Within minutes, I was already on the road. It was a pleasant surprise that my driving skills still seemed as fresh as they did when I got my license.

I reached school with just a minute to spare. With fingers twitching with anxiety and impatience, I hastily – and almost recklessly – parked the car at the school’s lot before sprinting off to the fields. No better way to showcase my running skills than by practically teleporting to training. Anything to avoid getting an earful from Coach.

I made my way to the locker rooms which were empty and changed into a loose T-shirt and tight compression shorts before slapping the same black shorts I wore over them. Then I practically leaped to the fields.

It wasn’t hard spotting Ruan. His bright smile could point anyone to him though he was busy talking with two other colleagues of mine – Austin and a guy with blonde hair that I didn’t know. I made my way towards them

Austin was the first to see me. He sent me a tight-lipped smile though his eyes seemed edgy. “Hey, Jude.”

“Hey,” I said coming to stand beside Ruan who gave me a weak handshake which was so unlike him. I couldn’t help but notice how his smile had slightly wavered the moment his eyes landed on me.

There was a brief silence that reeked of awkwardness. I couldn’t help but feel I’d interrupted something I shouldn’t have.

“So, did coach bench someone or what?” I raised an eyebrow.

Their eyes briefly met before the blond guy decided to answer. “Nah it’s just the race on Monday. Everyone’s on edge at the moment.”

Austin laughed nervously. “Yeah man. Everyone’s been losing shit. Yeah.” His gaze dropped to the ground.

It was like they all couldn’t meet my eyes. I turned to Ruan but even his eyes were looking at anything but me.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

“Huh? Uh, yeah.” He rubbed his head before shifting on his feet and finally fixed his eyes on me. “You look okay too.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you seem stoked for Monday. Right guys?” He looked at the other guys for support.

“Yep.” The blonde guy nodded so vigorously I thought his head would fall off.

Austin tried for a sideways smile but it came out as a twitch at his mouth.

Another awkward silence stretched out, this time longer than the previous one.

I crossed my arms. “Okay, what the fuck is going on?”

Austin sent Ruan an alarmed look before focusing on me. “What do you mean?”

“This shit,” I gritted out, giving them a pointed look. “I feel like I’m stepping on eggshells this whole time.”

The air became charged. Everyone found other interesting things to look at other than me but I didn’t back down.

Finally, Austin sighed. “Don’t get mad but…”

I waited.

“We heard stuff about you.”

Another pause.

“About this guy – Oliver, I think. He… touched you and… and…” He couldn’t finish.

Ruan jumped to his aid. “Assaulted you,” he finished in a grim tone.

I froze, my heart going into overdrive. I couldn’t let them see how anxious I was so I made my face as neutral as possible.

“And…”

“And we’re worried about you. That’s all.” The blond guy added with hesitation.

After a moment, I scoffed. “You don’t actually believe that, do you?”

They didn’t answer.

I turned to Ruan. “You too? You really believe that this ‘Oliver’ guy touched me and stuff?”

I made sure to highlight the name Oliver to him because unlike Austin and the other guy, Ruan knew who exactly we were talking about.

He sighed after a while. “Esto es confuso. I don’t really know, dude. At first when I heard it, I thought it was la mierda but then people started saying he’d been doing this to a lot of other athletes and…” he shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know.”

I rubbed my forehead, my face hardening. “I think I need to be clear on this. No one drugged me. No one fucking touched me. And it wasn’t this Oliver guy. It wasn’t anyone at all because there’ve been no athletes getting drugged and assaulted. It’s just a stupid rumor.”

“But there have been athletes,” Austin interjected. “Lionel – “

“Fuck Lionel,” I growled in a low tone before turning away and storming away in hot steps.

I didn’t stop until I was out of the field. I was sweating like a pig. My chest was heaving. My blood was roaring. I couldn’t see a damn thing.

I needed to calm down. Shit.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, trying to get my thoughts in order but, at that moment, a loud and ugly laugh pierced my thoughts.

I would have ignored it but then several voices came up. The footpath I stood on meandered through the various fields used for sports so I knew it could have been anyone.

I was still breathing hard. I needed to calm down so I could go back and train. There was a race on Monday –

“How’d that date with Audrey go?” One voice asked.

“It was fantastic,” said a snide voice that made my entire body go utterly still. “Went with her back to my crib and fucked the hell out of her. Shit was so good.”

It couldn’t be…

I looked up, my eyes landing on a group of guys coming my way. They seemed to be the soccer team but Rick wasn’t among them. The only familiar face was…

“Oh man,” the other guy who’d spoken first rested his arm on Lionel’s shoulder. “She’s such a baddie. I wish I were you.”

Lionel released that crass laugh again. “The whole mother fucking package. Too bad I don’t share my goods, Seth.” He gave him a smug look. “I can hook you up with her sister though. She’s a catch…”

He continued but I couldn’t hear the rest of his words over the buzzing in my ears. My vision swam with black and red spots. I began marching towards him.

It wasn’t long before they saw me. They stopped in their tracks. Lionel’s eyes flashed with recognition. He looked startled. “Hey, Jude. What’s up? You look – “

He didn’t get to finish his statement before my fist cracked against the side of his jaw in a flash. He staggered back, the group around him dispersing in shock.

“What the fuck?” He cradled his mouth, his eyes flying to me. Without warning, I swung again, this time snagging his nose. He stepped back, spittle riddled with red landing on the ground in front of him.

I advanced but he must have been less disoriented than he let on. His posture tensed. As soon as I got close, his arms were suddenly around me, tackling me to the ground. My head hit the hard cement with a thud that left my vision blurred.

Before I could regain my senses, a sudden collision against my cheek had me groaning. My vision zoomed back into clarity just in time to register Lionel on top of me, his fist ready for another strike.

I suckerpunched his gut which he had left wide open. He doubled over, gasping for air. I pushed him off me, watching him land before getting up and planting my knees on either side of his torso.

Lionel’s eyes fluttered. “Ju – “

I jabbed his face once more, nearly catching his left eye.

“Are you fucking crazy, asshole?” He shrieked.

I battered him with a stronger one to shut him up, causing him to choke. Blood mixed with thick mucus bubbled out of his nose.

“Dipshit,” I muttered.

I drew back for another punch before sudden strong hands wrapped under my shoulders and had me off him in a breath’s span.

“Calm down,” someone whispered in my ear.

“Don’t touch me,” I sputtered out, my voice haggard.

“You’re Rick’s brother, right? You look alike.”

I didn’t answer.

The guy continued. “I’m his friend and teammate.”

“Like I care.”

“Look,” The guy drawled. He had a distinct calming voice that sounded like he had everything in life figured out. Despite everything, the buzz in my ears started to fade the more he talked. “I know you’re a runner and you’re probably stressed. You have a lot going on. But think. Think for a second. What would happen if your coach found out you beat someone? Especially another athlete? Isn’t that grounds for team disqualification?”

I struggled against his grip.

“You have the state championships coming up. Do you want to mess that up?”

At that, any fight left in me effectively dissipated. “No,” I croaked weakly.

“Then get yourself together,” he commanded, his tone stern, almost cold. “Don’t worry your brother over someone like him.” He gestured with his chin towards Lionel.

“My brother doesn’t care about me.”

He went silent like he was analysing my muscles, looking for any tension, ascertaining that I wouldn’t leap at Lionel the moment I was free. Then after a moment, he released me.

“Trust me he does,” he stated. “More than you know.”

I faced him, my eyes taking note of his sandy hair and grey eyes that looked way more mature than his age. Something in my chest seemed to deflate. Without another word, I walked past him and the others, ignoring their aghast looks and Lionel’s pained groans.

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I didn’t head over to the field again. I was too exhausted. The adrenaline had definitely left my body because pain flared in my left cheek, oscillating between blunt throbbing and hot intermittent stabs of soreness.

When I drove back home, my mom was in.

“Jude,” she gasped immediately she saw me enter the house. Her hand covered her mouth.

I crashed onto the nearest seat as she hurried to the kitchen before coming back with a pack of ice.

“What happened?” She demanded after a moment but any words or general speech for that matter just made my pain more intense.

“Got into a fight,” I admitted.

She frowned with concern before placing the ice on my face. A hiss leapt out of my mouth. I tried inching away from it but my mom’s disapproving voice made me go still. “Oh no, young man. You get into fights, you can handle a bit of ice on your injuries.”

I groaned.

She let a beat of silence pass before asking. “Care to explain what caused all this?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

I could feel her discontent at my answer but thankfully she didn’t press on. “Hold onto the ice and keep pressing it. I’m fetching some pain killers.” She moved away before going back to the kitchen.

Afterwards, I took the pain killers and, at the insistence of my mom, went to my room with the ice still on my cheek.

I sat on my bed, my thoughts racing. It wasn’t long before I heard a knock on my door.

I muttered slowly. “I’m still pressing it, mom.”

“It’s me, Rick.”

I froze. I wanted to tell him to come in but the words got stuck in my throat. And at the same time I didn’t want him to see me like this.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

The door creaked open. Rick stepped in, almost hesitantly.

He looked at me, his gaze scrutinising. “Mom just told me you were in a fight.”

I nodded, my breath caught in my throat.

He studied my face. At that moment, I could almost spot a wave of concern wash over his face. Then his face went back to a stately gaze. “You’re going to be okay, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

He nodded, like he was satisfied with my answer before turning and shutting the door in his wake.

I released my breath, my arms slightly shaking. I couldn’t believe that had happened.

Shit.

I laid on my bed, too tired to change out of my clothes. I closed my eyes, willing myself to sleep. But it wouldn’t come.

I sat up in frustration before turning on the lights. I needed to relax. But I only did that when I was running. And I was too exhausted to run.

My eyes swerved to my desk. The comics sat undisturbed. I rose from my bed, carefully pressing the ice on my cheek before making my way to them. I sat down and grabbed a Green Lantern Issue before turning the first page and drinking it in.

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Hello.

What did you think about this chapter? A lot happened.

Thank you for reading as always and have an amazing weekend. =)