Chapter 20

“Because, I like you.” He said, causing my heart to almost come to a stop.

What?

Cody liked… me?

I was too stunned to speak. My mouth was agape as I thought of something, anything, to say, but i just couldn’t form the words. I mean, what do you say to your best friend who simultaneously just came out and admitted that he liked you?

“I know that we’re best friends… but I see you as more than that, I have for awhile now.”

Oh…

“I didn’t know.” Was all I could manage to say.

This was hella confusing for me. How long had he liked me? And how have I not noticed it before?

“I’m sorry.” He says, a hint of panic in his tone. “I just ruined everything, didn’t I? Can we just forget I said anything?”

“No, it’s fine… I just. It’s a lot.” I say.

“Do you hate me?” He asked, desperately.

“No, I could never hate you.” I smile. “I just… I need time to wrap my head around this.”

Even as I said it, I felt guilty. Cody had just expressed his feelings to me, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

“Okay.” He says, his tone of voice low and withdrawn.

“Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow before you go to camp?”

He forced a smile on his face. “See ya tomorrow.”

I exited his vehicle, standing on the driveway and waving him goodbye.

I needed to talk to someone about this, but how can I? I can’t just randomly ask someone for advice by saying that my guy best friend just said that he liked me, as in more than a friends. That would mean outing him.

He reversed out of the driveway, and the second that he was out of sight, I exhaled a breath I didn’t realise I was holding. As I slowly walked towards the front porch, panic began to set in.

I open the front door and step inside, taking a moment to breathe.

“There you are.” Mom appeared in the foyer, a smile plastered on her face.

“Hey, mom.” I gave a reluctant smile, my thoughts still stuck on the fact that my best friend likes me.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, as if she could see into my mind.

“Nothing.” I lied.

“I’m your mother, I know when you’re lying to me.” She says.

“I’m fine.” I say, slipping off my shoes and setting them in the shoe box.

“If you say so.” She offered me a smile before heading into the living room. She paused, turning back to face me. “Oh, before I forget. Your father and I will be heading out of town tomorrow, and we won’t be back for a week.”

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Your father decided to take us on a late honeymoon.” She says. “And I know that your brother and Grayson are going to the camping trip…”

“So I’ll be alone?” I frowned.

“Unless you want to go camping with your brother, and your friends? Aren’t your friends going to be there?”

Yes, my friends will be there, Cody included. I didn’t even know my sexuality at this point, how on earth was I going to deal with the fact that he has a crush on me?

Did I like him back? I’m not sure. I’ve never really seen Cody in that way before. I’ve never really seen anyone that way before. And what happens if I don’t feel the same way, will that ruin our friendship?

Fuck!

“I don’t like camping.” I tell her.

I remember the last time I went camping and I almost got bitten by a snake. That was more than enough to make me never want to camp ever again so long as I live and breathe.

“Oh, come on. A few days in the woods? What’s not to like?” She slowly made her way to the couch.

“Fine, I guess I’ll go.”

“You’re going to have so much fun. I want to hear all about it when your father and I are back.” She says.

I smile before turning to head upstairs. Instead of going to my own bedroom, I make my way to Mitchell’s.

He and Grayson were playing some game I had never heard of before when I threw open the door.

“Dude, ever heard of knocking?” Mitchell complained.

“Like you’re one to talk.” I scoffed. “Mitchell, have you noticed anything weird going on?”

“Uh, yeah? You’re in my bedroom. You never come in my bedroom.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, I mean with mom and dad.”

“Aren’t they always weird?” He dismissed my concern and continued to focus on playing the game.

I walked over and took a seat on the bed.

“What are you doing?” Mitchell asks, pausing the game.

“I have an idea.” I tell him. “How about, instead of going on the camping trip, we follow mom and dad and see what they’re actually up to. There’s no way they’re going on a late honeymoon, they did that six years ago when they went to Italy.”

Grayson laughed at my plan. “Sounds a bit psychotic.”

“Yeah, Dal, you’ve watched far too many detective shows.” Says Mitchell.

“Fine.” I sigh with defeat before standing up and leaving them to their crappy video game.

They’re right, maybe I’m just being crazy.

When I reached my bedroom, I pulled out my phone and texted my friends in our group chat.

Me:
Guess who’s going camping!

Hannah:
Omg! yaaaay! We’re going to eat so many s’mores.

Phillip:
Awesome!

Jake:
Have fun without me 😫

Oh right, I’d almost forgotten about Jake’s suspension.

Lucy:
Boring.

Lucy also sent a gif of someone giving a thumbs down.

Cody:
I can’t go anymore… have fun tho.

Is he not going anymore because of me? Is everything going to be weird with us from now on?

I clicked out of the group text and clicked onto Cody’s contact.

Me:
Are you not going anymore because of me?

I took him ten minutes to respond.

Cody:
Won’t it be weird?

Me:
It doesn’t have to be.

Cody:
But it is…

I’m sorry, I never should have said anything.

Now everything is ruined.

I didn’t know what to say to that. What even is there for me to say? That everything will be fine?

Me:
We have been best friends for years. I know I said that I needed time to figure things out, but that doesn’t mean have to stop hanging out.

Cody:
I think it does.

For now, at least.

Me:
Oh…

Cody:
Have fun on the trip.

Maybe we can talk when u get back.

Me:
Okay.

I locked my phone and set it aside.

The next morning, I woke with a pit in my stomach. I couldn’t stop thinking about Cody, and that no matter what happens now, our friendship will change forever. Mitchell had already packed for the camping trip, as did Grayson, who stayed another night. Hopefully after the camping trip he can go back to his place.

I had packed a duffle bag full of absolute necessities: a change of clothes, socks, toiletries, that sort of thing. I had expected to take a sleeping bag and a pillow along also, but according to Mitchell, we won’t actually be camping. Not in tents, anyways. Instead, we were staying at a place that had cabins, which made the idea of spending a few nights in the wilderness much better.

“Don’t forget to have fun.” Mom says as we packed our things into Grayson’s car.

“We will.” Mitchell says.

If I know my older brother, and I’m certainly positive that I do, he’s already probably planning on getting drunk in the woods or something along those lines.

“Did you pack sunscreen?” Mom wondered, placing her hands on my shoulders. “And don’t forget insect repellent.”

“Mom, I’m not a baby.”

She put her arms around me and squeezed me as tight as she possibly could. “I know. You’re all grown up.”

It sounded like she was about to cry.

Our hug ended, and I could see tears in her eyes. “Are you crying?” I asked her.

“No, I’m not. You are.” She lets out a short laugh.

“I’ll see you when we get back.” She says.

“Love you mom.” I say.

“Love you too.”

“And keep an eye out for bears!” Dad joked from the front porch, making me regret my decision to go on this stupid trip.

After saying our goodbyes, we heading to school where the bus would be waiting to take us on our trip.

It’s just a few days in nature, how bad can it be?

We arrived to the school and threw our things in the luggage compartment before climbing aboard. Hannah and Phillip were already seated next to each other, which left me to find a seat of my own.

I found an empty seat up near the back, which was awesome because I didn’t like sitting next to other people that I weren’t familiar with.

I connected my earphones and put them into my ears, preparing myself for the long trip ahead of me. If I didn’t listen to music on long trips, I would be certain that I’d end up falling asleep. I closed my eyes and began to immerse myself into my playlist, when I felt a shoulder collide with mine as it sat beside me. I open my eyes and turn to find Grayson, a foolish grin on his face.

I pulled my right-side earphone out. “Do you have to sit here?” I asked him.

“It was either here or next to that guy who thinks that he’s a magician. I don’t want to spend the next few hours picking cards.” He pressed the back of his head against the seat and settled in for the long ride.

As I go to place my earphone back into my ear, Grayson snatches it and puts it into his ear. “Are you listening to Green Day?” He wondered.

“Yes.” I snatched back my earphone.

“Come on, let me listen.” He gave an imploring pout.

“You should’ve just brought your own earphones.” I told him.

“Why would I do that when I can listen to your amazing music?” He inclined his head to the side.

I rolled my eyes.

“Please.” He begged childishly.

Shaking my head, I responded with defeat. “Fine.”

I gave him my left earphone instead of the right one, because, well, he’s on my right side, and it just made more sense.

“Can I choose a song?” He asked, making me immediately regret giving him an earphone.

This was going to be a long and annoying drive…