Chapter 4 – Chapter 4

Part Four

For the first two years Vi and I were in Chicago, I upheld my vow. My will was strong, and I was a very disciplined man.

Vi and I remained the "Dynamic Duo." My classmates envied us.

There was also a stunning superficiality to us. There was no there there. We were far and wide, but not deep. I knew it, but I needed Vi to buttress me, to reinforce my will.

As I wrote earlier, my will crumbled when I saw Mace in Bryan Cave's library. I raised my eyebrows and my hand to him as I passed by. He smiled back, his cheeks matching the dimples on his chin. I knew then and there I was lost. I did not know and so could not explain how or why, but I was more overwhelmed by him than I had been by anyone, including Thatcher.

I went out of my way to solicit him. I visited his office. I invited him out.

He was either aloof or diffident, I was not sure which. He was difficult to pry open. I had to force his thoughts out of him, and when I did, they came out in drabs and dribs. But for being overwhelmed by him, I would have abandoned him, the effort to extract him too much.

I also wondered about him. He regularly drifted away. He would be engaged and engaging and then wander away mentally, present but not there.

I christened him "the Carrot." I invited him for a Friday night out.

We changed at my apartment. Mace was living with his parents in St. Charles, which was one of the dreariest things I could imagine. One, it was a 45 minute commute each way through heavy traffic. Two, St. Charles is generally low end. Three, Mace had grown up poor, and I imagined his parents were still living that way.

Mace surprised me when he played Yaz's "Mr. Blue." It seemed fateful that we shared that song.

I encouraged Mace sleep over. He really had no choice. He was in no shape to drive to St. Charles.

He was nearly asleep on the couch when I nudged him toward my bed. "This will not do," I said. "It will be too bright come morning. Stay with me. There is plenty of room."

He followed me to my room. He did not know it, but we were on our way.

The next morning, I asked him to tell me about himself. I was saddened and stunned when he told me about the death of his younger sister, only a year before in a car accident. When he finished, he was crying. I pulled him into me.

"I am sorry for bringing her up," I said. "But, I am glad to know. It explains a lot."

He raised his eyebrows, silently asking "what?"

"There is something going on behind your eyes most of the time. Even when you are enjoying yourself, there is something holding you back, lurking. And, you get lost a lot."

"Lost?"

"Yes. It is like you drift away. You are there, but you are not."

*****

Mace moved in. To my dismay, he moved a bed with his clothes. We had been sharing my bed, which I assumed would continue. His bed was a setback I had not anticipated.

We talked room to room. It was doable, but I used the awkwardness to resolve the setback. I suggested he should just stay with me, like he had. He agreed. It had not taken much to obtain his agreement. I had not had to cajole him.

I did not tell him, but I was naked that first night he rejoined me. I usually slept naked. I had not with him previously. I would going forward.

The next night, I insisted he get naked, too. It was a salient moment. If he resisted, my objective may be delayed or even denied.

He did not resist. We remained on our way.

I raised the topic of same-sex sex. Unlike Thatch, Mace did not divert me. He jumped right in, agreeing with my theory that a man would likely be better at pleasuring another man than a woman was. We were headed toward each other.

The pillow was removed.

The sheet fell.

Our dicks touched. We came on each other. Mace's dick was incredible, long and thick and perfectly shaped. It dwarfed mine. And any that I had ever seen.

Vi visited. I thought of Mace as I fucked her. I could not wait to fuck him.

I also could not wait for Vi to leave. I needed and wanted to be in bed with Mace. I needed and wanted to place my lips to his. I needed and wanted to trace his collar bone, his chest, his hip bone. I needed and wanted to feel him, to please him, to touch him, to love him.

I took him in my hand. He took me in his.

I lied about never having been with a man. Mace believed my lie. I felt deceitful, but I also felt that he would retreat if he knew I had been plotting all along.

Our mouths touched.

I desperately wanted my mouth on Mace's dick. I resisted. I was driving the car, but I needed Mace to think he was. I had to wait for him.

As I hoped, he jumped first. His mouth on my dick was the purest pleasure I had ever felt. My lust was gone, replaced by an abiding, deep love that eclipsed completely anything I had ever felt for Thatch. I knew I was in love with Mace. I soared at the sight of him.

Lightning had struck. We had caught it in a bottle. We put the cap on tight. We would never let it out.