Chapter 47

-Dante-

I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. Chase… My Chase…

After my anger was gone, disbelief and confusion took its place. And not only those two. Suddenly, I had to get out of the house. I needed fresh air and to be left alone. And I especially needed distance to Chase.

I barely saw where I was going as I hurried out the door, through the old wine cellar and up the old stairs. A few steps later I stood outside, but didn’t stay there. I started walking down the road, still unable to really understand…

Chase had killed people. He had murdered Lena and had been planning on not telling me about any of it. The image I had of him was now shattered. How was I able to trust him? He had been lying to me this entire time, keeping such dark secrets from me that I couldn’t see how I was able to even look at him anymore.

I kept walking, even though my body was begging me to rest. My mind could not rest, so I kept going.

How could he be so indifferent about it? He’d killed people and acted like it was completely normal. Natural. But it was natural for someone like him, wasn’t it? Warlocks had to kill thirteen people in order to become like their masters. He said that him being a warlock had nothing to do with their deaths, but how could I trust his word? Three people were dead because of him, and it surely didn’t look like it bothered him. How easily he could kill ten more if the first three didn’t seem like such a big deal to him?

Had I been blind this entire time? Was my boyfriend, the only one I wanted to share my life with, evil?

“Aren’t we being dramatic today…”

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Roe’s voice behind me. I spun around, but couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Yes, he killed a few, but that doesn’t make him evil.”

I sprung around again, but Roe was still not showing himself.

“Three is a slippery slope to thirteen,” I barked at him.

“Hmmh…” he uttered, and when I turned around again, he finally emerged in front of me. “You are dating a warlock. You have seen the chaos in him. So, why are you so upset?”

“What I’ve seen is an innocent man who would never speak so lightly of murdering people,” I told him angrily, and continued walking. “That was a big, fat lie.”

I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. “You humans…” he sighed, following me. “Three, thirteen, three hundred… It doesn’t change who he is. You already know what kind of person he is.”

“Yeah, a murderer,” I said, and was suddenly stopped by Roe.

“You act like the world around us is black and white, but you, of all people, should already know it’s all gray,” he said, sounding agitated.

I yanked myself free. “You’ve already killed your thirteen,” I spat at him.

“Oh, I have killed so much more than that,” he scoffed at me, and gave me a mocking smile. “Does it bother you?”

“It does,” I spat at him. “But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“You don’t, but I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for as long as you stay with Chase,” he smiled in a not-so-friendly manner.

“I’m not so sure about that either,” I said, and again tried to walk away from him.

“Yes, you are,” he said. “Because no matter what you say, you will go back to him. Your love for him is greater than your fear of what he can do. You’re already under his spell – figuratively speaking.”

“How can I be so sure he’s not using a spell on me, huh?” I asked, turning around to face him. “How can I tell if my feelings for him are genuine, or just his magic?”

He stared at me with a disgusted look on his face. “Now you’re being plain stupid.”

“How would I know? How can I trust him?! He’s been lying to me this whole time!” I asked, my anger leaking over again.

“How can you indeed?” he asked with sarcasm. “How could you ever trust a man who has done everything he can to save your pathetic ass? A man who is risking his life just by staying next to you. A man who murdered for you.”

He nearly had me until that last part.

“I didn’t ask him to murder Lena,” I hissed at him.

“No. He did it from the goodness of his chaotic heart,” he said, stepping closer. “He did it because he couldn’t stand the thought of what she did to you.”

“He shouldn’t have killed–”

“Quit your crap!” he suddenly yelled at my face. “I’m so fucking tired of your fake little morals! I’m so fucking tired of you not accepting what we are – what you and I and Chase are – and what we are capable of! And I am so fucking tired of you clinging onto your human side and acting like you’re better than the rest of us because of it! You’re not human anymore, Dante! Even if we find the cure, you will never be human! You’re a werewolf! You are a fucking beast with killer’s instincts and don’t you fucking dare be mad at him because you and I both know you’re only acting like you care about your morals!”

He stopped to glare at me with crazy eyes, taking in several deep breaths. I stared back at him, too taken aback by his words to reply to him.

“I don’t see you crying over your ex-wife. You don’t care what happened to her,” he continued with calmer, but poisonous voice. “You would’ve ripped her head off before he could if you’d been there, and you know it. Be angry at yourself, not at him. He’s done everything for you, and you have gladly accepted it even though you knew so fucking well what kind of person he is. He is chaos. You’ve seen it. You’ve felt it. You knew about the thirteen souls and you knew he might want to go through with it and become a demon.”

“I–” I began, but he lifted his hand up, shaking his finger at me.

“If you’re not going to admit I’m right, I don’t fucking care to hear it,” he said with a threatening tone, stared at me for a second or two, and continued without giving me a chance to speak. “You know what? I’m not so sure if you even do love him, after all. He’s in great pain because of you. You don’t do that to the people you love.”

He vanished as soon as he was done talking. I stared at the road, unable to form a thought.

“And don’t go anywhere near Chase unless you’re going to apologize to him,” he spoke in my head.

I turned to look over the ravine. I stood there for the longest time, just staring at nothing, thinking about Roe’s words.

And when the sun started to set, I finally returned to the house, though I couldn’t sense Chase there. I could only feel Ben when I closed the front door behind me. He was in the lab, so I slowly made my way down to him.

“Dante? Where were you?” he asked, lifting his eyes up from the shelf of containers he was working on.

“Just outside…” I muttered, glancing at the containers. “Are they ready?”

“Not quite yet. We need to apply one or two more layers of antamare to make the containers strong enough,” he explained.

“Antamare?”

“Njizrski iron. Well, this is a see-through form of it, used for glazing surfaces to make them practically bulletproof.”

“Why do you need bulletproof containers?” I asked, mostly just pass the time as I waited for Chase to come back home.

“This material we are going to use, Yazma’s component, is constantly expanding, so we need to be able to contain it or it will swallow the whole house,” he explained. “Everything that is caught in it will freeze without becoming actually frozen. We haven’t tested it on the glands yet, but according to miss Aaliyah, it should not ruin even something as sensitive as the glands.”

“So this could be a complete waste of time?” I asked carefully.

He sighed, staring at the glass-looking boxes. “I trust Aaliyah. She said the material is very gentle towards everything that is inside it.”

“Is it possible to preserve a whole human in it?” I asked.

“What an exciting question,” he said, looking at me. “Yes, it is possible to preserve human in it, but it is a magical component, so the effect will wear off at some point. Without careful observation from the outside, the person inside the material could possibly drown in it. Also, since it is constantly expanding, the person would need a special protective gear, so the material won’t get inside them. Imagine that stuff in your lungs or stomach, slowly growing…”

“Yeah, let’s not do that…” I muttered.

“With careful preparation, it could be a way for us to buy some time,” Ben spoke tentatively.

“With very careful preparation,” I said.

“Of course,” he nodded.

“So, how long will it take before they’re ready?” I asked, nodding towards the containers.

“A day or two,” Ben said. “We need to get ready to go harvest the glands.”

“Easier said than done,” I mumbled, thinking about Chase.

I wondered if he was going to speak to me. Or even come back home.

I turned to look at the lab. The one Chase had furnished to make sure I was feeling as comfortable as possible while in there. I sighed and went to sit down on the chair, rubbing my temples.

“Everything all right?” the old man asked.

“I don’t know,” I muttered.

“I uh… I couldn’t help hearing your conversation earlier…” Ben said carefully. “It’s none of my business, of course.”

“Chase has killed people,” I muttered. “And Roe got really mad at me for being mad at him. I just… I don’t know what to think.”

“Perhaps it’s not time for us to think,” Ben said quietly. “Your life is still in danger. In my opinion, we should leave our moral dilemmas for later.”

“How can you be so calm about it?” I asked.

“I see no reason to not be calm. What I understood, he has not killed innocent people,” Ben said as he sat down as well.

“I’m worried he might,” I muttered.

“Do you really?” he frowned. “What I see in him is a lot of good. He is quite temperamental, and warlocks, of course, are enjoying a bit more sinister reputation, but I can’t see him killing for the fun of it.”

I sighed again. I was developing a headache, and I still had no idea if I’d been right for getting mad at Chase, or just an asshole. “Maybe it doesn’t matter what I think. Maybe I have already ruined everything between us.”

“Or maybe you still have a chance to fix things,” Ben countered.

“Or maybe I shouldn’t. I’m going to die anyway,” I muttered.

He stared at me for a moment in silence. Then, he leaned forward in his seat and scratched his chin. “He killed the person responsible for your condition. A person who destroyed a lot more lives besides yours. A person who tortured other living beings for profit. What part about it makes you angry at Chase?”

“None of that,” I said truthfully. “I’m just…”

“What?”

“I thought he would never in million years be able to take a life,” I said.

He raised his eyebrow at me in a disbelieving manner. “Are we talking about the same person? Because I can see he will go to a great extend to protect his loved ones.”

“I guess I was seeing someone else in him, then,” I said.

He sighed as well. “I believe you’re just shocked, that’s all. Death is a scary subject – a heavy subject – and you’ve been forced to live under the fear of your own death for as long as you two have known each other.”

I didn’t know what to believe. My head was empty. I had all kinds of nasty feelings inside me, and no matter how long I tried to think, I couldn’t even scrape the surface.

“I don’t know what to do,” I said.

“Talk to Chase. Explain how you feel and let him know why you are upset with him. And in return, listen to what he has to say. Trust your instincts,” Ben listed. “And if that doesn’t help, we can always save the moral dilemmas later. After we have found your cure.”

And as on cue, I could suddenly hear Chase upstairs. I stared at the ceiling, my heart feeling heavy. Ben was probably right.

“Everything will work out just fine,” Ben said encouragingly as I stood up.

I wasn’t so sure about that.

Chase didn’t come down, so I walked all the way up to our room, where he was sitting on the bed, hugging his knees and looking so goddamn miserable I wanted to forgive him everything right then and there. He didn’t even look up at me when I stepped in and closed the door.

“I don’t know why I’m so angry at you. I just am,” I told him, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t even blink. “Roe thinks I’m mad because I’m holding onto my humanity and can’t accept what we are capable of. Ben thinks I’m just shocked.”

“And I should care why?” he muttered, still not looking at me. “You don’t date murderers, right?”

His words hurt, but I deserved it. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t handle the situation better, but I do believe I have the right to be upset.”

“I’m sorry I’m not the cinnamon roll you wanted,” he said, nearly spitting the words out. And he still wasn’t looking at me.

“I don’t want a cinnamon roll! I want…!” I snapped my mouth shut.

What did I want? What on earth did I want?

“You know what? Roe’s right. I don’t care if that bitch is dead. She fucked me up and ruined my life. No, that’s not true either. I’m glad she’s dead. I can finally breathe knowing I don’t have to see her ever again.”

Chase finally looked at me, but didn’t get up from the bed, nor did he say anything. At least he seemed willing to listen.

“But I didn’t want you to kill her,” I said quietly, and went to sit down in front of him. “I wish you wouldn’t talk about it so lightly. It feels wrong, and it scares me. I still have a lot to learn about your world. And you. Especially about you. I mean, if you can kill three people, what else are you capable of?”

“I already told you, I have never killed anyone who didn’t deserve it. And I will not kill innocent people, if that’s what you’re afraid of,” he told me harshly.

“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. Wouldn’t you be afraid of exactly that if you were me?” I asked, hoping he would see my reason.

He was quiet for a moment, and finally sighed, “Maybe…”

His reply made me to relax. I watched him closely, his beautiful features and gorgeous eyes, still unable to believe he could actually kill people. Murder was so… dirty…

“Do you… have something to say?” I asked carefully.

“About what?” he asked defiantly.

“I mean, you listened to me, so I will listen to you,” I said.

He stared at me for a moment, then straightened his posture. “You’re an ass. That’s all I got to say.”

I nodded slowly, hoping we could’ve had an actual conversation this time. I was about to give up, when he suddenly breathed out, staring at me.

“I don’t feel bad about killing them. I don’t even see why that’s an issue, but that’s just me. I knew you wouldn’t take it lightly, so I chose not to tell you. I do feel bad about lying to you, however. I knew you’d find out eventually, and that thought made me sick to my stomach, because I was afraid I’d lose you,” he spoke quietly. “You can be mad at me if you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t feel remorse. They deserved it, and I am glad it was I who got to take their lives.”

I shook my head, leaning away from him. “You do understand how goddamn scary that sounds?”

“I understand,” he said quietly. “But I would never hurt you. I would never hurt innocent people.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” I asked.

He gave me a sad smile. “There’s only one way you can find out if I’m telling the truth.”

“What is that?”

“You have to let me prove it,” he said.

I let out a deep breath. “That’s a lifelong commitment.”

“Indeed,” he replied.

I stared at his icy eyes. Roe’s words circled slowly in my head, and so did Ben’s.

“I think the scariest part is that I’ve already decided to forgive you. I guess Roe is right. My morals are fake,” I spoke, feeling like I had just lost a little bit of myself.

“You are a good man, Dante,” Chase said gently, placing his hand on mine. “But there are times when our morals are only in the way. Sometimes you have to discard them for the greater good.”

“And what happens when we forget them completely?”

“Do you honestly believe we could turn completely evil? Especially you. You wanted to help the old pixie to get his fucking pet rock back, for crying out loud,” he smiled. “You are not a monster, Dante. And I promise, you are not dating one either.”

I nodded, taking in a deep, deep breath. “I know,” I said, and smiled as well. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” he whispered.

I felt relieved. Part of me was still scared, but… He deserved a chance to prove himself, especially since I wasn’t so upset about his killings anymore. It took me a few hours to get over it, so who was I to be angry at him?

Chase’s phone started to ring at that moment. He sighed but picked it up.

“Aaliyah?”

“Chase! Please, send Roe to come get us! We’re being hunted!“

“What? Where are you?!” Chase asked, hurrying up to his feet, and so did I.

“Please! Send Roe! They’re almost here!“