Chapter 2
Keegan informs me that he’ll be taking notes on responses to some of the questions Jada and Cass have for me, but for now, his turn is over. He leans back in his chair and Jada and Cass lean forward. Psychology and Sociology. Okay.
Jada: “Are you happy with your looks?”
Me: I pause to think.
Jada: “Don’t think. Just react. Answer quickly. Whatever comes to mind.”
Jada: “What about body image? Are you happy with your body?”
Me: “It’s a work in progress.”
Jada: “Why do you feel that way?”
Me: “I’m lean and healthy. I told you I’m a runner. I need to spend more time, or any time, in the gym.”
Jada: “Again, why do you feel that way?”
Me: I shrug. “I would like to be a little more toned. I feel like I’m a bit on the scrawny side.”
Jada: “You said you’re happy with your looks. Does that not include your body? Is ‘scrawny’ how you perceive yourself or how you feel others perceive you?”
Me: “I suppose I think of ‘looks’ as my face, my hair… And no one has…I guess I haven’t been teased or bullied about anything since middle school. I’m not ashamed of my body, I just have so little upper body build. Arm-wrestling champion is not in my immediate future.”
Cass: “Is that important to you? I mean, I think the arm-wrestling specifically was meant as a joke, but the comparison to others. Do you care?”
Me: “I guess I mostly think about it at the beach or the pool. Places where the shirt comes off.”
Jada: “What about your body are you proudest of?”
Me: I pause to think and get scolded again. “My legs,” I blurt out.
Me: I shrug again. “Just the right amount of hair, no gross veins, nicely contoured from years of running. My arms and my legs look like they belong on different bodies.”
Jada: “What do you like least about your body? Or, what would you change if you could?”
Me: I suspect hair or eye color are not what they’re looking for here and I’ve already implied that I don’t love my lack of upper body musculature. “The slight mound of belly between my navel and my waistband. I know I’m thin and I do not need to lose weight, but that bump bothers me.”
Jada: “How do you feel about your penis size?”
Me: I blush. I wasn’t expecting that. “I feel fine.”
Jada: “How do you compare to others you’ve seen?”
Me: “I’ve only seen a few IRL. I tend to not look around too much in the men’s room.”
Jada: “What is your length? You’ve measured, right? Do you know what the average is?”
Me: I promised I wouldn’t lie. I happen to know the answers to all of those questions. “I know that the average length of an adult erect penis is a little less than 5.5 inches. I am 6.25 inches.” I’m still blushing hard.
Jada: “Do you have a partner?”
Jada: “How many partners have you had?”
Jada: “Best guess here. How many times would you estimate that you’ve had sex?”
Me: My blush deepens. “Zero.”
Jada: “Don’t restrict your answer to only traditional intercourse. You can count oral and hand jobs. How many sexual experiences have you had?”
Me: I clear my throat, “Zero.”
Jada: She turns the page in her notebook. “There are a whole lot of questions that I now won’t be asking, but at the same time, there is a new and interesting path to follow. To be clear, you’re saying you are a virgin?”
Jada: “Is that your preference? Is it by choice?”
Me: “It’s not ideal, but it is what it is.”
Jada: “Are you trying to meet someone? Are you looking?”
Cass: “You’re really cute. Any number of people would… Why are you not out there?”
Me: “I have a full schedule.”
Jada: “Cass is right. It wouldn’t take much effort for you to find someone. What’s really stopping you? What are you afraid of? Penis size sounds fine. Is it disease? Or are you afraid of intimacy?”
Me: “I’ve never been attracted to anyone. That’s just it. I’ve never been compelled to ask anyone out. I haven’t felt what I need to feel to consider intimacy.”
Jada: “Do you have erectile dysfunction?”
Me: Another blush, “No. It works just fine.”
Jada: “How often do you masturbate? On average.”
Me: The blushing will never end. “Four times a week.”
Cass: “What are your pronouns?”
Me: That throws me off balance. “He, him, his.”
Cass: “So, you identify as male?”
Cass: “What is your sexual orientation?”
Me: “From what choices?”
Cass: “I set no parameters.”
Me: “I’m not a huge fan of labels. Can I pick ‘questioning’?”
Cass: She makes a note and nods. “What do you think about while you’re masturbating?”
Me: “Nothing. It’s like a meditative experience. I clear my thoughts and focus on the sensation.”
Keegan: “Dude! Seriously? No fantasies? That’s gotta be a lie!”
Jada: “Shut up, Keegan.
Cass: “Do you know what The Kinsey Scale is?”
Me: I shake my head.
Cass: It’s a sexuality scale that ranges from 0 to 6. Zero being 100% heterosexual, 3 being evenly bisexual and 6 being 100% gay. I find the scale too limiting. I like to use a 1 to 99 scale. 1 and 99 because I believe that no one is 100% anything. The most heterosexual person you can imagine would be 1/99 and the gayest person you could imagine would be 99/1. And there is no 50/50 either. Everyone has to lean at least a little one way or the other. Where are you on the scale?”
Me: This time I don’t get scolded for taking a moment to calculate my answer. “25/75.”
Jada: “You haven’t had feelings for anyone yet, but have you ever been attracted to anyone?”
Me: “Not anyone who I actually know.”
Cass: “Do you imagine yourself ever being with anyone?”
Me: “I don’t imagine being a virgin my whole life, but I can’t say I imagine marriage and kids either. I really don’t know.”
Cass: “Of the three girls here, who do you find to be the most attractive?”
Me: Without thinking I blurt out, “Quincy.”
Cass: “Interesting. Same question for the boys. Who do you find more attractive, Keegan or Zain.”
Me: Again, zero hesitation, “Zain.”
Keegan: “Hold up a sec. Did you understand the question?”
Jada is laughing her ass off. She says, “You have to understand, 86, Keegan here thinks he’s the hottest guy on campus and God’s gift to all women everywhere. Out of like 5000 guys! You just exploded his brain.”
Cass: “You have to admit, Quincy and Keegan are pretty much each other’s counterparts. They both have the blond hair, the blue eyes, the perfect tan, the high cheek bones, the athletic build. They are the male and female equivalents of each other. Why did you pick Quincy over Jada and I?”
Me: “Honestly? Because she’s the only one who hasn’t asked me intimate, embarrassing questions yet.”
Cass: “Fair. And why Zain over Keegan?”
Me: “Keegan is probably right. Out of 10,000 kids on campus I wouldn’t be surprised if 9900+ picked Keegan over Zain. But to me, his looks are too perfect. Almost unreal. Like he’s a Ken Doll or something. No offense.”
Keegan: “Whatever.” But he looks offended.
Cass: “So just to clarify, was picking Zain about picking Zain or was it about not picking Keegan?”
I glance at Zain and he’s busy staring down at his feet. I clear my throat.
Me: “I can’t imagine who I would have picked over Zain.”
Cass makes a note and Jada says, “That concludes the interview portion of tonight’s proceedings. Quincy and Zain are about to do their thing.”
What is “their thing”? They said they were business majors, right? I have less than no money. Certainly they don’t want to know about my thoughts on economics, investing or finance. Besides, Jada said the interview is over. I peek at my phone and it’s only been about 30 minutes. I still have a good 90 minutes to go. But 90 minutes of what?
Zain must be reading my mind because he says, “Jada told you that Quincy and I plan to go into business together after graduation. That business will have a few different components to it, but it will focus on massage therapy. We are both already certified massage therapists, but we are looking for test subjects as we attempt to offer some unique specialties. These specialties are not taught in school. We’ve watched some online videos, but now we feel we’re ready for a live patient.”
“So, you want to give me a massage?” I ask.
“Not a regular massage,” says Quincy. “This one is specifically for men. Have you ever heard of Lingam Massage?”
Zain continues, “Lingam Massage is a type of tantric penis massage that was developed just in recent decades. The process of a Lingam Massage is designed to combine feelings of well-being with deep relaxation, and helps receivers let go of pent-up stress related to relationship or self-esteem issues, including those related to sexuality. Lingam Massage is not the same as a typical erotic massage with a happy ending. To be clear, the goal of this practice has nothing to do with ejaculation. It is an authentic tantric penis massage that only sometimes culminates in a physical climax. We are looking to practice our delivery technique as well as gather data on why one test subject may reach orgasm while another does not.”
“And all five of you will be in the room?”
Jada says, “As an aspiring sex therapist, I’d like to be. Keegan is interested in the physical science of it all and Cass has interests from a sociological point of view.”
Zain adds, “We realize you weren’t expecting this. Believe me, no one wants to hurt you in any way. If you consent, you will be brought to pleasures like you’ve never known before but only with your permission.”
“What if I say ‘No’?”
Quincy says, “You give Keegan back $50 of the $100 he gave you earlier and we call it even. The night ends now.”
I really need the money but I can’t imagine being naked and on display in front of these five strangers. Not to mention erect and being manhandled like a piece of farm equipment. But damn I need the money.
“Okay. I’m willing.”
A few minutes later, we’re all crammed into Zain’s bedroom. I am told to lie down on my back on his bed. I am still fully clothed and they’re all staring down at me.
Zain says sheepishly, “There’s one more thing we haven’t told you about yet.”
“In order to understand what the data is telling us, we need a baseline first.”
“Whether or not you reach orgasm and how long it takes. Remember, this is supposed to be sensual, not erotic. Hold out if you can, though often, inevitably there is a release.”
“Right,” I say. “Baseline?”
“We need to know how sensitive you are so we can calculate your limits. Where we should start, what we could build to, how far we can take things.”
“How do you establish this baseline?”
“With a blindfold and… Well. May I ask, how ticklish are you?”
I have no idea. I’ve never been tickled before. Not really. I have no siblings and it’s just not something that I’ve experienced. I say, “I guess average.”