Chapter 61
niallhoran:
i’ve been thinking
louist91:
that’s never a good thing
harrystyles:
please don’t hurt yourself, niall
niallhoran:
for fucks sake
niallhoran:
i swear, you fuckers are absolutely
despicable
niallhoran:
can i please just go ONE DAY without
slander
harrystyles:
no❤️
louist91:
😂😂
niallhoran:
i hate both of you
harrystyles:
what have you been thinking about, niall?
niallhoran:
we should name this group chat
louist91:
really?
louist91:
you rushed over to me and told me to check instagram because it was an “extremely important matter” before sprinting off to god knows where
louist91:
and the matter is that you want to name the group?
louist91:
this is not important
niallhoran:
i beg to differ
harrystyles:
i like it when you beg
niallhoran:
AND YPU TOLD ME YOU ONLY SEE ME AS A FRIEND?????
harrystyles:
CAN YOU TAKE A FUCKING JOKE😭
niallhoran:
I HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT YOUR JOKES ARE AWFUL
louist91:
i’m not sure why i’m even in this group chat, seeing as all you two ever do is scream at one another
niallhoran:
why are you complaining?
niallhoran:
last time i checked
niallhoran:
it’s top tier comedy
louist91:
you’re not funny
harrystyles:
okay, so it’s been three minutes now…
harrystyles:
did you really just render niall speechless
louist91:
maybe?
harrystyles:
he would have come back with a snide
comment by now
louist91:
what if i hurt his feelings?
harrystyles:
i don’t think you could have
harrystyles:
i’ve told him numerous times that
he isn’t funny
harrystyles:
but he knows i’m joking when i say that
harrystyles:
is this the first time you have said
that to him?
louist91:
i think so, yeah
harrystyles:
but it’s you
louist91:
what is that supposed to mean?
harrystyles:
NOTHING BAD
harrystyles:
i’m sure he would think you were kidding
louist91:
are you?
harrystyles:
you’re making me second guess myself stop it
harrystyles:
@niallhoran
harrystyles:
niall come back
louist91:
fuck mate @niallhoran i’m sorry if what i said upset you
louist91:
i didn’t think you’d take me seriously
harrystyles:
where the fuck did he go
niallhoran:
IM ALIVE
harrystyles:
there it is
louist91:
you good, nialler?
niallhoran:
oh, yeah, i’m peachy keen
louist91:
look, mate, i’m sorry if i hurt your feelings with what i said
niallhoran:
huh???
niallhoran:
what are you talking about???
niallhoran:
you haven’t hurt my feelings???
niallhoran:
oh wait
niallhoran:
maybe i’d understand better if i actually read what you guys were saying earlier
harrystyles reacted to this message with 😭
harrystyles:
i stg this guy😭😭
niallhoran:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT FUNNY LOUIS WHAT THE FUCK
louist91:
okay, hold on
louist91:
if you’re just now reacting to me telling you that you’re not funny
louist91:
where did you go when you stopped replying
niallhoran:
okay so funny story
niallhoran:
i may or may not have dropped my phone in the loo
harrystyles:
harrystyles:
you see?
harrystyles:
niall can be quite funny
louist91:
mate i was over here, about ready to hunt you down and tackle you in apologies because i sincerely though i hurt your feelings
louist91:
come to find out you’re just a complete DUMBASS
niallhoran reacted to this message with ☹️
louist91:
how did that even happen???
harrystyles:
did it happen before or after you used it?
louist91 reacted to this message with 👆🏼
niallhoran:
after, obviously
harrystyles:
BEFORE OR AFTER YOU FLUSHED
niallhoran:
again, after, obviously
niallhoran:
went to put my phone on the counter
niallhoran:
lost my grip
niallhoran:
missed the counter entirely
niallhoran:
it hit the toilet seat and fell in
niallhoran:
don’t worry, i cried
harrystyles:
SEND HELP
niallhoran:
I DON’T NEED HELP MY PHONE IS FINE
harrystyles:
I MEANT AEND ME HELP BC I CANT STOP LAUGJING
niallhoran:
my phone is fine!
louist91:
but is your mental health?
niallhoran:
oh, absolutely not
niallhoran:
consider it destroyed😀
harrystyles:
THIS IS THE TOP TIER COMEDY I NEEDED
niallhoran:
i’ll piss on your camera
harrystyles:
you put your dick anywhere near my camera, and i will cut the entire thing off and feed it to a cow
louist91:
this is chaos
niallhoran:
imagine if we were in a band😂
louist91:
can harry sing?
harrystyles:
no
niallhoran:
[replying to “no”] he lies, he definitely can, he just doesn’t like singing in front of crowds
niallhoran:
he’s actually a big fan of the xfactor and i told him he should audition
niallhoran:
but i guess his heart is for the camera
louist91:
think it’d be rather fun if we were all in a band together, the three of us
harrystyles:
we’d have to come up with a band name though
louist91:
shouldn’t be too hard, yeah?
niallhoran renamed the group
‘niall horan and the potatoes’
harrystyles:
niall horan and the potatoes???
harrystyles:
really????
niallhoran:
an awesome name, i know😌
louist91:
no, it’s god awful
niallhoran:
what do you have against potatoes?
louist91:
it’s not the potatoes i’m against
harrystyles:
help😭😭
niallhoran:
THIS SLANDER HAS GONE ON TOO LONG
niallhoran renamed the group
‘niall and his losers’
louist91 renamed the group
‘harry and louis and loser’
niallhoran:
THAT’S NOT A BAND NAME
harrystyles: but niall and his losers is?????
niallhoran renamed the group
‘the 3 losers’
louist91:
i am not a loser
louist91:
i’m a professional singer
louist91:
harry is a professional photographer
louist91:
and niall is a professional dumbass
niallhoran:
HEY
harrystyles:
at least you’re a professional one
niallhoran:
THATS BESIDES THE POINT??
louist91 renamed the group
‘louis & his bitches’
niallhoran:
absolutely not
niallhoran renamed the group
‘niall, the bitch, and the princess’
louist91 renamed the group
‘louis is going to kill niall’
niallhoran renamed the group
‘that’s not a band name’
louist91 renamed the group
‘it is now’
niallhoran renamed the group
‘it is not’
louist91 renamed the group
‘i’m in charge so what i say goes’
niallhoran renamed the group
‘since fucking when’
louist91 renamed the group
‘i have years on you niall’
niallhoran renamed the group
‘where does that put you in charge’
harrystyles:
are you guys really communicating through the group name?
niallhoran renamed the group
‘yes, harold’
louist91:
imagine if our band name was called ‘yes, harold’
harrystyles:
i would offer my immediate resignation in existence
niallhoran:
i think it’s perfect
harrystyles:
well i don’t like it
louist91:
what’s a good band name, then?
niallhoran:
yeah, you’re the only one that hasn’t given any input
harrystyles:
i have, i’ve told you which ones aren’t band names
harrystyles:
like niall horan and the potatoes
niallhoran:
THAT’S THE BEST ONE
louist91:
no
harrystyles:
never in a million years
niallhoran:
so you guys hate me, i get it
niallhoran:
louist91:
aww we hurt little nialler’s feelings
louist91:
how could we ever do such a thing
niallhoran:
i hate you
louist91:
i love you too
niallhoran:
that wasn’t an apology
louist91:
that’s because im not apologizing
louist91:
don’t you remember what i told you earlier? you’re an easy target
harrystyles:
have you guys finished?
niallhoran:
no
louist91 reacted to this message with 🥲
niallhoran:
it can only go one direction from here
niallhoran:
and that’s south
harrystyles:
wait niall
harrystyles:
you’re on to something
harrystyles:
what if that was our band name?
niallhoran:
what
harrystyles:
what you just said!
niallhoran:
south?????????
niallhoran:
of all the fucking band names we could have
niallhoran:
and you don’t think niall horan and the potatoes is good enough
niallhoran:
but here you are
niallhoran:
tHe BaNd NaMe ShOuLd Be SoUtH
niallhoran:
WHAT KIND OF BAND NAME IS THAT
harrystyles:
wasn’t talking about south, you dumbass
louist91:
we aren’t even a band, niall, so i’m not sure why you’re so pressed over this😂
niallhoran:
how do you even know what pressed means
louist91:
you act like i don’t have social media whatsoever
niallhoran:
you’re the LAST person i was expecting to use the word pressed, you can’t blame me😭
niallhoran:
but whatever, it’s fine, i don’t care
louist91:
you do care
louist91:
you just hate that you do
niallhoran:
WOUOD YOU STOP CALKING ME OUT I STG IM TIRED IF THIS SLANDER
harrystyles:
i really wish you guys would have told me to pop some popcorn and grab a seat bc this is just a show
niallhoran:
welcome to the show live on tour, harold
niallhoran:
starring yours truly, niall horan
niallhoran:
and that weirdo over there named louis
louist91:
you’re unbelievable
harrystyles reacted to this message with ‼️
louist91:
anyway, before we got so off topic
louist91:
what would be the band name, harry?
harrystyles:
one direction
niallhoran:
what kind of band name is that
harrystyles:
oh so you have an issue with something as simple as one direction, but not niall horan and the potatoes????
niallhoran:
THE NAME IS LITERALLY NIALL HORAN AND THE POTATOES
niallhoran:
POTATOES AS WELL AS MYSELF ARE LITERALLY THE TWO GREATEST THINGS IN EXISTENCE AND NOBODY COULD CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE
louist91:
so that means i can dump all these guinness cans, right?
niallhoran:
you touch my guinness and i stg you will die
niallhoran:
we literally can’t be named one direction btw
harrystyles:
WE ARENT EVEN A BAND NIALL
harrystyles:
but i’ll hear you out on this (i have no choice) so tell me why
niallhoran:
we’d need at least one more person
harrystyles:
what.
niallhoran:
we’d need to cover all the directions, wouldn’t we?
niallhoran:
north, south, east, and west
niallhoran:
with only three of us, we are missing one direction
niallhoran:
therefore, we cannot be named one direction, because there are four and we are only three
louist91:
eight
niallhoran:
niallhoran:
the fuck does that EVEN MEAN
louist91:
there’s eight, not four
niallhoran:
EIGHT WHAT
louist91:
directions, you utterly hopeless buffoon
louist91:
or did you forget that northwest, southwest, southeast and northeast exist?
niallhoran:
alright then, fine
niallhoran:
according to fucking dr doolittle here, we then need at least TWO more members
harrystyles:
oh, now two??
harrystyles:
elaborate please, i can’t wait to
hear this
niallhoran:
obviously, us three would be three of the four main directions, and giving us one more would take the one that isn’t used. giving us a fifth member would have there be an ultimate “one direction” because the fifth guy would choose whichever direction he likes the most
louist91:
i hate that that actually makes logical sense
harrystyles:
he’s only saying that bc he hopes the fifth guy would pick him
louist91:
oh?????
niallhoran:
harry stop talking
louist91:
as in a friendly pick or cross the silver line and become friendlier???
harrystyles:
friendlier, obviously
louist91:
so you knew this whole time that he isn’t straight?
harrystyles:
i thought it was obvious???😭
niallhoran:
HOW THE FUCK IS IT OBVIOUS
harrystyles:
first of all, the way you’ve been dressing lately???
harrystyles:
no man really ever dresses the way you do and not be just straight
harrystyles:
secondly, i knew from the moment i met you
harrystyles:
you didn’t have to tell me bc my gaydar went off
harrystyles:
not straight, but not completely gay either
louist91:
what the fuck is a gaydar
niallhoran:
radar that is gay
niallhoran:
though, i thought you knew that seeing as you’re dating harry
harrystyles:
EXCUSE ME
louist91:
FUCKING HELL
niallhoran:
OH COME OFF IT
harrystyles:
HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND OUT
niallhoran:
wait
niallhoran:
i was fucking joking
louist91:
good job, harry
harrystyles:
oh no😭😭😭
niallhoran:
ARE YOU TWO DTAING
louist91:
oh, here we go
niallhoran:
OH MY GRUFKING GODM
niallhoran:
AS CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP
niallhoran:
I MIGHT JUST HSIT MY PANTS
niallhoran:
IM GOING TO SCREAM
louist91:
i swear to god if i hear ONE MORE THING ABOUT A GODFORSAKEN SHIP I AM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND
niallhoran:
honestly mate, how has it not clicked for you yet?
louist91:
what do you mean?
niallhoran:
YoU aCt As If I dONt HaVe SoCiAl MeDiA
niallhoran:
for someone who said that in an offensive manner, how do you not know what it means
harrystyles:
i can’t believe this is happening right now
harrystyles:
although, now that i think about it, louis how have you not figured it out yet
niallhoran:
YOU GET IT
niallhoran:
YOU WOULD THINK HE WOULD HAVE GOOGLED IT BY NOW OR SOME SHIT
niallhoran:
BC IF I WAS HIM I WOULD HAVE GONE STRAIGHT TO GOOGLE AND BEEN LIKE WTF IS A SHIP THATS NOT A BOAT
louist91:
what would our ship name even be
niallhoran:
hold ur horses there fine sir
niallhoran:
while u are attractive, i fear nouis would never sail
louist91:
what
louist91:
the fuck
louist91:
is a nouis
harrystyles:
the ship name between you and niall😂
harrystyles:
niall is set on ours and has called himself the captain of this ship, you and me, since day one
louist91:
it better not be houis
niallhoran:
LARRY STYLINSON
harrystyles and louist91 reacted to this message with ❤️
niallhoran:
HAS BEEN BORN
niallhoran:
OFFICIALLY
niallhoran:
MAMA IS SO PROUD
niallhoran:
OH MY BOYS
louist91:
have you finished?
niallhoran:
I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT LARRY STYLINSON OKAY
niallhoran:
I AM THE CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP
niallhoran:
AND YOU FUCKERS ARE GOING DOWN WITH ME
niallhoran:
it’s been decided
niallhoran:
i need a guinness to celebrate
niallhoran renamed the group
‘one direction’
harrystyles:
i need a fucking nap
harrystyles:
lou, be sure to lock your door
louist91:
why would i need to do that?
harrystyles:
niall is going to come bug you about our VERY NEW (cough cough niall) relationship
harrystyles:
my door is already locked🤪
niallhoran:
too late
niallhoran:
i’m at tommo’s door🙂↕️
louist91:
well
harrystyles:
BAHAHHAHAHHAHA
harrystyles:
good luck babe!
louist91 reacted to this message with 😤
louist91:
i’ll so get you back for this
harrystyles:
is that a promise or a threat?🥰
louist91:
why not both?
niallhoran:
okay, none of that
niallhoran:
when did this become a WHORE HOUSE
louist91:
the audacity of you now complaining about us when you were just swooning over us being together🙄🙄🙄
niallhoran:
louist91 and harrystyles reacted to this message with 😂