Chapter 14 – Chapter 14

Over coffee, we decided Trick would spend Christmas break with me. But, he would not tell his parents that; instead, he'd tell them he was staying at school to get in extra work and prepare for the season. He'd spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with them.

I returned to Kansas City to wait out Trick's finals. I was woefully lonesome for him. It was only two weeks, but it seemed like much more.

Raylan dropped Trick at my house as he headed to Wichita, his hometown, for the break. I wanted to know if anything had happened between the two of them the prior two weeks, but I also didn't. Ultimately, I decided not to ask, just assuming I wouldn't like the answer.

We went immediately to bed. Trick was needy, and so was I. As fast as we could be, we were naked, and Trick was over me and pressing at me. I eagerly took him in. We were quickly in rhythm, Trick meeting me as I met him. It did not take long for Trick to rasp and come.

Feeling him come inside me was all I needed. I quickly came, too, soaking my stomach and chest. To my surprise, Trick lowered himself to me when I was finished, covering me with his hard, rippled body.

We headed to the shower. Once there, I noticed that Trick had manscaped. His chest and stomach hair was tamer. His bush was shaped and tighter. His balls were smooth.

"You clippered?"

"Nope. Ray-Ray did it. We were bored studying, and one thing led to another. We thought you might like it."

I was disappointed, knowing Raylan had had access to Trick's naked chest and junk. I tried to hide my disappointment. "You look good. But, you looked good the other way, too."

"I don't think I'll keep it. I prefer the more natural look. And, I like being different from the rest of the team. But, I'll keep shaving my balls. I like them smooth."

"You shaved them yourself?"

"Sure. I'm not crazy. I'm not letting someone else near my balls with a razor."

I was a little relieved at that. I think.

In the shower, we slowly washed each other with our bare hands, exploring every crack and crevice. As Trick washed my legs and feet, he took my into his mouth and slowly, methodically sucked me. He took more of me into his throat than I remembered, and I wondered if he had been practicing on Raylan. The thought of Raylan in Trick's face was so hot my balls immediately started to clench and my orgasm raced from my abdomen into Trick's throat. He seemed not to notice and kept sucking me until I was dry and had to lean against the shower wall to catch my breath.

Trick stood, lowered his face to mine, and kissed me. He shared my cum with me as he did. I swallowed some, and so did he.

As we stood under the water wrapped in each other, I broached the subject that was troubling me. "That was awesome. You been practicing?"

"No. Just doing some light online reading. Getting some hints on how to be better for you."

I didn't believe him. He was smart and (I was sure) a quick study, but it seemed impossible that he could have read about giving head and then put it into practice expertly the very first try.

I dropped the subject and tried to look forward to the three weeks we were going to live together in my house. And, I returned to the internal debate I had been having with myself, namely whether to tell Trick about me and his dad. I didn't want to, but I figured he'd find out eventually, and I feared that waiting would make it a bigger thing than it would otherwise be.

After we were clean, we made dinner together.

"How'd your parents take your absence?"

"They were pretty cool. They knew it was coming at some point. With all my travel for baseball, they're used to getting me in small spurts. But, dad is insisting on driving me back to CoMo the day after Christmas, no matter how many times I tell him I can have Raylan swing back through for me. So, I'll have to take the bus back."

"No way. I'll come get you."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Awesome. I'll make it worth your while."

We celebrated Christmas together the morning of Christmas Eve. For Christmas, Trick gave me season tickets to his MU baseball games, which was thoughtful. I gave him New Year's weekend in Austin, TX, my favorite place to visit.

I spent Christmas Day alone, trying to figure whether to tell Trick about his dad and, if so, then when. After a bottle of Malbec, I decided I needed to tell him. I also decided to do it before New Year's Eve. I was in love with Trick and, while I doubted we could actually survive long-term, I did not want to start the new year with a big secret threatening us.

My doubt about our long-term viability was not based on any weakness of feeling for him or any concerns about the strength of his feelings for me. I thought we were on strong footing on both fronts.

But, I was a realist. If Trick was gay, then he was a new gay. And, new gays, once they settle in and get comfortable with their new reality, often feel the need to break free, live fast and loose, and see what all there is out there for them. I had already done the math. I would be 50 when Trick was 25. I would be getting more settled as he got more unsettled. It was not a recipe for success.

But, I wanted to ride the wave until it crashed. And, I wanted the wave to be fueled by honesty. If I expected Trick to be honest with me, I could not be dishonest with him. Even by omission.

*****

Rob dropped Trick off in Columbia at 5 p.m. the day after Christmas (a Sunday). I trailed them by about an hour, so I showed up at the apartment at 6. I had a key, so there was no need for me to knock. When I went in to Trick's room, he was naked, on the bed, and covered in chocolate syrup and whipped cream. He was so pleased with himself, he could not help but laugh.

I quickly stripped and started licking the chocolate and whipped cream off of him, beginning at his feet. While I was licking his thighs, he slathered chocolate all over his dick and balls and then put a dollop of whipped cream on the tip of his dick. I swallowed the length of his shaft, sucking the chocolate and whipped cream off of him as I did. It was a sweet, sensual experience, and I decided I wanted Trick's cum to mix with the chocolate and whipped cream in my mouth. So, I set to serious work, playing with his balls, and then burying my finger in him. When I found his prostrate, Trick tensed, his balls clenched, and he gave me what he had. I kept sucking, getting as much chocolate and whipped cream as I could.

When I had drained him, he pulled me by my shoulders onto him, covering my chest and stomach with the chocolate and whipped cream that was still on his. He flipped me off of him and started cleaning me of the sweetness.

When he was done, he flipped me back over, grabbed the syrup, and covered my dick with it. Then, he pulled my chocolate dick toward his face and started to blow me. He grabbed my ass and drove me deeper with each thrust. There was chocolate all over his face. Watching myself disappear into Trick's mouth was unbelievably hot. I tried to force myself in as deep as I could. As I did, Trick's eyes were locked on mine. When I was ready, he grabbed my ass and drove me as deep as he could into his mouth. I erupted, mixing with the chocolate that had to be trickling down his throat.

Trick would not let go. I was buried in his mouth, but he was trying to force me deeper.

I collapsed around his head, but he would not let me pull out. He swirled his tongue around me. Before I knew it, I was hard and coming again. When I was finished, I pulled out and fell backward, spent.

We laid there motionless, overwhelmed by the sexing and the raw emotion that accompanied it. I unbent my legs and moved them toward his shoulder. I turned my head, saw his athletic foot, and started to lick it. I loved his feet.

Trick hooked his feet under my shoulders and raised me up. I followed, moving toward him. He turned his back to me, and I hooked my right arm under him and my left arm around him. He pushed his ass back against me, and I buried my face in his mane.

I was just about asleep when Trick asked "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

"I suspect a fraction of how much I love you."

"If so, then I am really loved."

"You are."

"So are you."

*****

As we drove back toward Kansas City the next morning, I decided it was time to bring Trick up to speed.

"I have something I need to tell you."

"Uh oh."

"Why uh oh?"

"No good conversation has ever started with 'I have something I need to tell you.'"

I paused. "You're probably right."

"It's probably time we hit a bump anyway. What is it?

"It's about your dad. I'm not sure how to say it. So, I'm just gonna say it. He and I used to fool around. A lot."

"Really?" Trick asked, drawing the word out to show both intrigue and surprise.

"Yep."

"I'm shocked. I thought my dad was the straightest person in the world. When?"

"A few years ago. It lasted a few years."

"A few years?" He asked, again drawing out the word years.

"Yep."

"Did he reciprocate?"

"He did."

"So, he like, sucked your dick?"

"He didn't 'like' suck it. He actually sucked it."

"And fucked you?"

"He did."

"Did he let you fuck him?"

"He did."

"Why did you stop?"

"I fell in love with him. I wanted more than he could give. He shut it down. He was right to do it."

"Is he gay?"

"No. I think he was in a tough spot. Your mom . . . . "

"What about her?"

"I don't want to talk about her."

"You have to. I need to understand how this happened. And what it means."

"Your mom is, well. . . . I am not sure their relationship is physical. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's not. It hasn't been for awhile. I was – am – your dad's best friend. We had a very strong emotional connection. Like all best friends, we loved each other. And, I was relentless. He got drunk one night, and I kind of took advantage of an opportunity. Once we crossed the line, it was easy to keep crossing it. But, I pressed too hard, your dad pulled back, and it was all done."

We drove in silence for about 30 miles. The silence concerned me, but I thought Trick may need it to digest what I had told him.

Trick broke the silence. "I can't believe I'm in love with my dad's old lover. I can't believe my dad had a male lover. Why'd you tell me?"

"Secrets have a way of coming out. And, I did not want you to hear from anyone other than me. . . . You okay?"

"I'm not sure. It's a lot to chew on. I mean, I would never in a million years have imagined my dad having sex with another man. And, for it to be a man I'm having sex with seems, well, just incredibly fucking weird. I know I'm not a runner-up, but I kind of feel that way. I mean, I'm pretty sure you'd be with my dad today if you could. You couldn't, so you're with me. I'm kinda conflicted by that. It's fucked up."

"I don't think it's a runner-up thing at all. If it is, then we're all runners-up. Look, I'm 46. There have been a lot of you's before you, and I'd be with any of them today, and not with you, if things had worked out. But, they didn't work out, so here I am. With you. Where I want to be. Today."

"I need some more details."

"I'll tell you anything you want to know."

For the rest of the ride, Trick asked me questions about his dad, what we did together, what I would do if he knocked on my door late one night and pledged love for me, and what I'd do if he tried to have sex with me again down the line. It was an awkward conversation, but a good one.

"Do you think he'd ever had sex with another man?"

"No."

"Really?"

"I honestly don't."

"You think you're that special?"

"No. But, I think the planets lined up for me and your dad. I don't think there's any way he'd have sex with another man. None."

When we got back to Kansas City, Trick kept all of his clothes on. When we went to bed, there was no intimacy, much less sex.

I could feel Trick tossing and turning next to me. Finally, he sat up. "I need to tell you something."

"Uh oh."

"Yeah, uh oh. Maybe."

"What is it?"

"I lied to you. I have been practicing. With Ray-Ray."

Deep down, I had known it. Same-sex sex was an acquired skill, and you generally could not acquire it online. Plus, they had jacked each other off as I was driving to CoMo.

He continued on. "I didn't plan to. But, we live together, we're naked a lot, and he's hot as shit. Plus, I wanted to get better at it."

"'It' being 'all of it'?"

"Pretty much."

"Did you let him fuck you?"

"I did."

I winced. His answered stabbed me in the gut. I had been happy to be his first and only, and now that was gone.

"Are you in love with him?"

"I'm not. I love him. He's my best friend. But, I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with you."

"How do you know?"

"Sex with him is great. It really is. But, that's all it is. We get our rocks off. There's nothing more. It's like beating off, only it's a better nut. When it's over, he goes to his room, or I go to mine, and we separately go to sleep. I don't want to kiss him, fall asleep with him, or make love with him. It's just sex. It's good. But, sex with you is better. There's physical pleasure. But, there's also emotional pleasure. And psychological pleasure. I've got none of that with Ray-Ray. It's just physical."

"You have a very casual attitude toward sex."

"We all do. When my parents were growing up, their parents and teachers put a cloak of bullshit around sex that made it such a big deal mentally. We reject that bullshit. Sex can be just sex. There's no shame in a booty call. Just pleasure. And, it doesn't mean anything other than 'let's fuck.'"

"I just don't have that attitude. I wish I did, but I didn't grow up with it."

"I thought gay guys would be closer to that attitude."

"Some are. I grew up Catholic, so . . . ." I trailed off. To me, "I grew up Catholic" said all I needed to say. The Church taught us from an early age that sex was dirty, that our sexual organs were dirty, that anything related to sex was dirty, that thinking about sex was dirty, that talking about sex was dirty, that even using the word sex was dirty. I was 46. I still felt enormous guilt if I had a casual sexual encounter. I felt whorish.

I took the conversation a different direction. "Do you think Raylan's in love with you?"

"Nah. He's just a horndog livin' with a hot guy with a nice dick. We're friends who use each other for pleasure . . . and practice."

We sat in silence. Trick took my hand in his.

"Thank you for telling me," I said.

"Well, it seemed like a 'no secrets' kind of day."

"Please don't lie to me again."

"Well . . . . I'm not a full disclosure kind of guy. I think some things are best left unsaid. I'll answer if you ask. But, I'm not gonna become some 'diarrhea of the mouth' guy babbling here and there about everything I do and think. I'm going to do a lot of shit you don't want to know about, and I'm never going to volunteer that shit to you."

After I responded "seems reasonable," Trick and I settled back into our pillows. I felt him pull his shirt off and then his boxer briefs. He pulled me into him.

"I love you, Christopher."

"I love you, too, Patrick."