Chapter 6 – Chapter 6

Gabe sat in his office, finishing up his work for the day. He had been at Bartley, Fitch and Meade for over two months and though he loved the work, Gabe felt that it was sometimes too much for him. He was going over the few accounts they had given him to review when his supervisor knocked on his open door. He looked up and smiled.

"Hey, Paula."

"Hey Gabe. How are you making out?"

"Not bad. Just still trying to familiarize myself with all of it." Gabe said and waved a hand at the many files on his desk.

"Don't worry. No one expects you to be an expert on them just yet. From what I've seen you're doing a hell of a job. We're all very impressed with that error you found on the Arbuckle Account."

"It wasn't much."

"Yeah, it kind of was. It saved us a hell of a lot of man hours catching it now rather than later. I let the important people know that it was you who found it." Paula said, speaking of the higher ups.

"Thank you. As the new guy, I appreciate that."

"I'm not going to lie, I can be a bitch, but I give credit where credit is due." She said and pulled her pocket book higher on her shoulder. "Come on. Close up and I'll let you walk me out."

"I just wanted to-."

"It's Friday, Gabe. There will be many occasions to pull all nighters in the future. You should see this place from February to May. But for the time being our department has nothing crucial coming up."

Gabe put away the files, closed his computer and grabbed his suit jacket. They walked outside to the parking garage and were about to say goodnight when Gabe stopped.

"Paula, I know I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth but do you have any idea why they chose me? I mean, I'm sure there were people with more impressive qualifications."

"No offense Gabe, but I asked that very question. It seems you and Mr. Fitch have a mutual friend."

"Who's that?" Gabe asked, wondering who he and Mr. Fitch could possibly both know.

"Loretta Makepeace."

"Who?"

"Loretta Makepeace. You are Gabriel Donovan, right? We didn't hire the wrong person, not that there's much we could do about it now."

"I'm Gabriel Donovan, but I'm not sure I know a Loretta Makepeace is."

"She's…. well, she's." Paula struggled to describe her, but then smiled. "That's funny. She's right over there. Getting into the car with Mr. Fitch."

Gabe turned and saw an older black woman speaking with the owner of his company. She turned her head and spotted Gabe, smiled and waved then went back to speaking.

"You know her, right?" Paula asked.

"I know her." Gabe said.

"Thank God, I thought I was going to have to fire you." Paula smiled. "Have a great weekend, Gabe." She said and walked off to her car.

Gabe watched the woman who called herself God and Mr. Fitch step into the limousine and drive off. He shook his head, then went to find his own car.

He pulled into the driveway and was surprised by the amount of cars there. Apparently, Darren and Phil were having some friends over. Gabe grabbed his briefcase and headed into the house. The music was blasting, the smell of good food was tantalizing and the sound of conversation was welcoming. Gabe threw his jacket on the banister and placed his briefcase down before heading into the back yard to see what was up. Kyle saw him first and smiled..

"Hey you. We were wondering when you'd get home."

"My boss let me go a little early tonight." Gabe said and took a look around.

Many, but not all of Darren and Phil's friends were here. Some twenty gay man between the ages of 22 and 69 enjoying the food and companionship of an impromptu back yard party. Darren saw him and came rushing over.

"Hey, I hope this is ok."

"Darren, it's your house. You can have parties if you want to." Gabe said as if talking to a child.

"I know, but we didn't even get to tell you about it. It was really last minute. You see we invited Kyle over for dinner so you guys could…. talk, but Terry overheard and wanted to come. So then I invited a few more people over so that it wasn't just us and Terry and before I knew it, everyone was telling everyone that we were having a kegger."

"Jesus, it's still like high school, isn't it?" Gabe smiled.

"Like you'd know. You never went to a kegger in high school."

"I went to Donna Burhans' party in junior year."

"The one where Eric Nettleman threw up on her mom's couch?"

"Yeah."

"That wasn't a kegger." Darren said, and scoffed dismissively. "That was a bunch of kids with a case of Coors Light and a bottle of Donna's mom's peach schnapps."

"Well, still I was there."

"Whatever. Anyway, I've been trying to keep Terry away from Kyle but it's been hard not being obvious and Phil is being totally uncooperative. So, go upstairs, slip into something sexy and get your ass down here pronto."

"Darren, I appreciate what you're trying to do but we're all adults here and if Kyle's interested in Terry than he can talk to him. He can even sleep with him. It's ok." Gabe glanced quickly over at Kyle and the man he was speaking with. "Is Terry a thirty year old bleach blonde with a hot pink tank top?"

"He's twenty-eight, but yeah."

"Ah." Gabe said and started mentally going through his wardrobe thinking of a suitable outfit.

"Get upstairs and change." Darren said and pushed him through the door.

Gabe came down a couple minutes later having chosen to dress casually and let the chips fall where they may. Though he felt in his heart that he wasn't ready, he had hoped that Kyle would be available when he was, but that wasn't fair to ask of anyone. If Kyle chose Terry, then he wished them well. Stepping onto the back deck, Gabe saw them both still speaking and decided to leave them undisturbed and snag some food before it was all gone. He had never understood how all the food could disappear with everyone claiming to be dieting.

"Hey." Said a voice behind him. He turned and found Kyle standing next to him, a beer in hand.

"Hey. What's going on?"

"The usual. You mind doing me a solid?"

"Depends. That's still a metaphor for favor right?" Gabe smiled and Kyle grinned back.

"Yeah. I'll leave any other possible inferences up to you." Gabe lowered his eyes and tried unsuccessfully not to blush.

"What's this `solid' you want?"

"Just talk to me. Terry's been at me for the last hour and a half trying to get me to ask him out and that's only since we've been here."

"He seems like a nice guy." Gabe said, hoping he sounded impartial.

"Have you actually met him?"

"No. I haven't."

"He's a spoiled trust fund kid who's parents think the sun rises and sets in his ass. He's been after me for the last eight months, when he's not seeing some other guy and sometimes when he is. He brings his car to be serviced every month. I swear, he alone has bought me a new three bay garage with lifts." Gabe laughed.

"Maybe I should go talk to him and see who handles his trust fund. Maybe he'd like to switch. If I could bring in a new account I'd be sitting in roses."

"Put down the calculator and unplug for a moment." Kyle said and popped a stuffed mushroom cap into Gabe's mouth. "We're talking about me and how to get me away from him."

"Ok." Gabe said around the surprisingly delicious appetizer. "So you don't like him because he's pushy? I thought you liked aggressive guys?"

"No, I like being aggressive. There's a difference. I know it's retarded but it kind of turns me off when I'm pursued."

"Ah, you like the chase and the hunt."

"You make me sound like a neanderthal who has to be watched so he doesn't go around clubbing his mates."

"If the shoe fits." Gabe couldn't resist and had a wicked smile on his face. Kyle laughed.

"I just might make you pay for that."

"Sorry, but you walked into it. Have you tried being honest with him?"

"I thought about that but saying that I'm not interested in him is just going to make him ask why not."

"And you'd have to tell him that you don't like being pursued." Gabe nodded.

"No, I'd have to tell him that I'm interested in another man." Kyle said and locked eyes with Gabe who felt a pang of nervousness. "It's ok, Gabe. I'm not pushing. I can wait."

"Kyle-." Gabe started but was interrupted.

"Kyle?" Terry said as he came over and stood next to them. "I was waiting for you to come back."

"I'm sorry Terry. I thought I'd mingle a little." Kyle said. "I don't think you guys have met. Terry Thompson, Gabe Donovan."

"Nice to meet you, Terry." Gabe said and offered a hand, which was ignored.

"Kyle, could I talk to you for a minute?" Terry said and walked off expecting Kyle to follow.

"Still think he's a nice guy?" Kyle asked.

"I'd shoot the bitch but it's not my party. It'd be sort of rude, you know? Listen, why don't you go try to calm him down a little, if you're not back in two minutes I'll send Darren to go get you."

"You'd better or I'll have your ass." Kyle started walking off but turned around with a big smile on his face. "I'll leave the possible inferences up to you."

Gabe laughed and watched him walk over to an obviously irate Terry. He used the time to walk around the party for a bit and get introduced to some of Darren and Phil's friends that he hadn't met but kept an eye on Terry and Kyle who's conversation did not seem to be going well. He walked up to Darren and pulled him aside.

"Terry looks like he's about to hit the fan. Can you go save Kyle?"

"Oh fuck. He does this at every party. No one even invites him anymore. I just couldn't see a way around it. Damn, social mores!" Darren cursed and went to extricate Kyle from the situation.

It didn't take long before Terry was screaming and making a scene. The drama, of course was eaten up by the other guests, but for Gabe it was an embarrassing moment that he somehow felt pulled into the middle of. And that was before Terry started mentioning him by name.

"And you're going to choose Gabriel the slut over me?! He moves here from some bumfucked place up north and mooches off of Phil and Darren; living at their house, driving their car, eating their food. I'm fucking sick of it!"

"Terry, shut your mouth! That's enough!" Kyle said, but Darren was livid and pushed passed Kyle to stand in front of Terry.

"Gabe is a guest in my house and no one, certainly not you, will say shit about him! It's been long passed your time to leave!"

"Darren! We're best friends!" Terry cried. "You're actually going to let that little cunt stay here and kick me out?!"

"I told-" Darren had lowered his voice and was obviously restraining himself from causing physical harm. "No one says anything about Gabe! Now take your canker sore ridden ass out of here!"

Terry was escorted out by some guests who realized that he wasn't going to go on his own. His irate shrieks could be heard from the front driveway as he was being helped into his car.

"Darren, I'm so sorry." Gabe said.

"For what? You didn't do shit! That piece of crap wasn't welcome here in the first place and will never come back here, my hand to God! You don't have anything to be sorry for. Now that the drama's done, let's get back to the party."

The last guest left around three in the morning and Gabe sighed as the door closed behind them. He had been struggling to stay awake for the last two. The food had been put away and most of the party was cleaned up but for the trash and empty bottles. Darren, Phil, Kyle and Gabe all crashed on the couch and gave themselves a minute just to zone out.

"Well, that was a party." Darren said, though no one really had the energy to agree.

"I'd help clean up but I'm beat." Gabe said.

"Don't worry about it. We'll do it in the morning. Or the afternoon. Or Sunday. Whichever comes first." Darren said.

"I didn't ask, but I'm hoping it's cool if I stay over?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah, anytime." Phil said. "The other spare room's made up, right Darren?"

"I made it up earlier in case someone did need to stay and Kyle, you never have to ask. You've an open invitation."

"Cool." Kyle said and closed his eyes. Darren caught Gabe's gaze and wriggled his eyebrows. Gabe frowned as if to say, piss off.

"Well kids, I'm thinking it's time for me to go to bed." Darren pulled himself up. "Coming, baby?"

"Only if you pull me up." Phil said and Darren helped him up off the couch. They walked upstairs together with their arms around each other.

"They're cute." Gabe said.

"Yeah, they've always been like that. Once Darren met Phil they fell for each other like a ton of bricks."

"Kyle, about Terry."

"I don't want to talk about Terry. He's an ass."

"Be that as it may, I feel guilty."

"What could you possibly feel guilty about Terry for?"

"Not so much about Terry as about you. I feel like I'm making you wait for me and I don't know when I'll be ready to have a relationship. I couldn't be with someone just to be with them, especially since I'm getting over someone else. That'd be wrong."

"You're not making me wait, Gabe. I've chosen to wait for you."

"There's nothing I can say or do to make you change your mind?"

"Do you want to make me change my mind?"

"I think I should. It's the right thing to do." Gabe said and saw that Kyle seemed like he was getting angry.

"Well, I guess if you looked at me and told me that you couldn't imagine a future for us ever that would do it." Kyle said and Gabe looked away. "Can you do that, Gabe?"

"No." Gabe felt like he was fucking everything up, making Kyle mad and not being able to let him go when he was given the opportunity. Kyle sighed.

"I've been there, Gabe. I've been hung up over a guy and not ready to move on. You have people telling you to get out there and live and meet people and you feel like going home, listening to depressing music and sleeping. I understand. I'm not asking you for anything, Gabe, other than to just let me wait and be your friend." Kyle stood up from the couch and leaned over and placed a chase kiss on Gabe's lips.

"Good night, Gabriel."

"Good night, Kyle."

Gabe went to sleep with the soft feel of Kyle's lips on his.

Gabe woke up the next morning and headed down to the kitchen. He found Darren and Phil sitting around the kitchen island drinking coffee and held out his hand as Darren handed him a cup.

"Thank you." He said after taking the first sip.

"Not a problem." Darren answered.

"Kyle's not up yet?" Gabe asked.

"He sleeps like the dead. If he doesn't have something to do, he won't get up till two. And he's a bear if you try to get him up earlier."

"How do you know?" Darren asked.

"He's been my friend for seven years. I've occasionally had to go over and wake him up."

"Phil, have you and Kyle ever…?" Darren asked.

"No!" Phil said.

"You sure. The only reason I'd be mad is cause you didn't tell me sooner."

"We never did anything!" Phil said and rose to get more coffee.

"Who never did anything?" Kyle asked as he came down the stairs.

"You and Phil never slept together." Darren said.

"No!" Kyle said as if he had never considered the idea. "We were buddies and then you came along. It just never happened."

"Just checking." Darren said and kissed Phil's cheek who looked at his husband as if he weren't sure whether to laugh or check him into a mental ward.

They finished cleaning from the party and by the time they were done, had rid themselves of the last bits of their hangovers. The thought of food became appetizing.

"Why don't we order pizza?" Gabe suggested.

"I couldn't do pizza tonight." Darren said. "What about that Thai place in town?"

"No Thai. There's only two Thai things I eat and I have to be in the mood for them." Kyle said.

"What about Chinese?" Phil suggested.

"Nah." Gabe shook his head. "I've been eating Chinese for lunch for the last two weeks. I'm done."

"I know." Kyle said with a smile. "City Island."

"Oh God, yeah! We haven't been to City Island in forever." Darren smiled.

"Sounds good to me." Phil added.

"What's City Island?" Gabe asked.

"You'll have to see it to believe it." Kyle said and they packed into the car and headed toward the Bronx.

They were in the middle of an urban area populated with large apartment buildings when Kyle turned off on an exit marked City Island. In a minute they were surrounded by a small wooded area and then crossed a small bridge onto a quaint little fishing village which reminded Gabe of Cape Cod. For this to be so close to the city caught him by surprise and the magic of it delighted him. Kyle drove to the end of the main street which literally ran into the Long Island Sound and parked at a restaurant just off to the side.

"They make great food here." Kyle smiled and walked along side Gabe as Darren walked along side Phil.

The four of them walked into the seafood restaurant and Gabe looked a little dubious at the long line of people in front of them.

"It goes quick." Kyle said, guessing what Gabe was thinking. "They've got twenty guys behind the counter. It's worth the wait."

"All right, I guess I'll have to trust you." Gabe smiled.

"You don't trust me yet?" Kyle smiled back and his eyes caught Gabe's. They suddenly weren't speaking of food. Gabe was saved from having to say anything when one of the guys behind the counter asked Kyle what he wanted.

Kyle got a plate of fried scallops, Darren's choice was fried shrimp, Phil ordered porgies and Gabe chose a combo plate. They took their trays with their plates piled high with fish and fries and headed out to the back patio to sit in the sun and look out over the bay. Kyle and Phil took their drink orders and headed back into the bar. Gabe took a deep breath of sea air and smiled as he bit into a fried clam.

"So?" Darren asked.

"Oh don't start that shit. If you have a question just ask it." Gabe answered.

"Oh my God! Calm down, bitch. I just wanted to see how you and Kyle were doing?"

"What's to see? We're not in a relationship and I don't know if or when we will be."

"But you like him." Darren stated.

"Yeah, I like him. I just feel like I'm going to fuck it up because I don't know if I can let myself love anyone right now. I don't think I can trust anyone right now."

"Me thinks the bitch doth protest too much."

"Cut it out, you sound like a fag."

"I'm just being nosy and checking up on you both. You guys looked like you were having a good time."

"Can't that be all were having? Isn't that enough?"

"Yeah, baby. I'm sorry. You'll move on when you're ready. I get a little crazy sometimes." Darren said and Gabe felt his hurt, which made him feel like a piece of shit.

"Hey, I'm sorry. You're looking out for me and you want to see me happy. I get that. I love you and I love Phil. That's enough love in my life for right now." Gabe gave Darren a hug. "You guys have been great friends."

"Well, what are ex lovers for?" Darren asked.

"We just kissed once, freak. Get over yourself." They were laughing as Kyle and Phil came back with the drinks.

"What's so funny?" Phil asked.

"Your boyfriend was hitting on me again." Gabe said.

"If he starts humping your leg just spray him with a water bottle." Phil answered and Darren flipped him off.

"Does it work?" Kyle asked, laughing.

"No, but it stops you from getting friction burns." Gabe said and they all laughed as Darren pretended to be pissed off.

They ate and stayed sitting on the back deck of the restaurant till the sun set and then decided to make their way home. They piled in the car, Gabe and Kyle in the front, Darren and Phil in the back. None of them spoke for a while, feeling tired and delighted with the day. Gabe heard a noise coming from the back and turned his head to see Phil and Darren making out. He smiled and nudged Kyle who glanced back quickly.

"They think they're still in high school." He said and Gabe chuckled.

"Fuck you guys." Darren said, barely removing his mouth from his husbands.

"No hickeys, you two. That's just juvenile." Gabe added.

"I don't mind a hickey once in a while." Kyle said and smiled at Gabe.

"Really? I would totally have pegged you as a `Don't mark me' kind of guy." said Gabe.

"Nah. A little love bite is a mark that you belong to someone. I don't mind belonging to someone as long as it's the right one."

"But how do you know when it's the right one?" Gabe asked.

"Well, that takes faith. It's a risk but there's so much to gain that it's worth it." Kyle reached over and took Gabe's hand and held in on his thigh as he drove. Gabe felt a bit uncomfortable and tried to pull it back.

"Friends can hold hands, Gabe."

"Friends can. But we're not really friends, are we?"

"What else would we be?"

"Well, friends don't usually have conversations about waiting for one another or how they should remain just friends."

"True, that's probably not a typical conversation between friends. A common one, I bet, but not a typical one."

Gabe relaxed and left his hand in Kyle's. It felt nice to have another person to touch, the warmth of another person to feel. They held hands the entire way home but didn't speak until Kyle pulled into the driveway and shut off the car. Darren and Phil got out, said their good nights and ran into the house like horny teenagers. Gabe and Kyle remained, hands still clasped.

"I had a really good time, Kyle. That place was great."

"I'm glad. I've been wanting to take you there for a while, but the opportunity never came."

"I'm glad it came tonight."

"Gabe, can I ask you a question?"

"I think I'm going to regret this but, yeah."

"Are you not ready because of `the guy' or are you not ready because of `you'?"

"What's the difference?" Gabe asked.

"One means you're still dealing with his stuff, the other means you're dealing with your stuff." Kyle turned and looked into Gabe's eyes. "So?"

"I don't know how to answer that."

"You could try honestly."

"Are you saying I'm not honest?"

"No, I'm saying you could tell me how you really feel."

"Wait a minute," Gabe said, pulling his hand back. "I thought we had this settled. I thought when I told you that I wasn't ready that I had done my part, been honest and basically let you go do whatever you needed to do. You're the one who said you wanted to wait. Why is this suddenly about me not being honest?"

"Hold on, I'm not saying you're not being honest and I know you're not ready and yeah, I said I'd wait. I meant it, too. But I just want to know why I'm waiting? Why am I waiting- Why are we waiting when we could both be seeing what we could mean to each other?"

"Listen, I can't tell you or anyone else in any way clearer than `I'm not ready'."

"But you're not answering my question. You don't think I deserve an answer?" Kyle asked, clearly getting upset at how the conversation was going.

"I think you deserve a lot, Kyle and I think that you should find someone better than me to give it to you."

"Well, I picked you and I'm going to fight for what I know can be an life-changing connection between us, a LIFE-DEFINING connection." Gabe sat stunned at Kyle's passionate declaration and Kyle sat silent feeling a bit exposed. "I just want to know if it's because of him or you that's you're not ready. That's all."

"It's because of me." Gabe whispered and got out of the car.

As he closed the front door of the house behind him, he heard Kyle's car start and pull out of the driveway. He cried that night for the first time since the wedding.

Gabe woke the next day and slipped out early before Darren and Phil were even up for a walk. He knew where he was going and he knew that she would be there. And she was, he saw, sitting on the bench overlooking the river.

"Good morning." She said.

"Morning."

"You look horrible."

"Bad night sleep."

"Hmm." Was all she said in response.

"Why am I waiting?" Gabe asked God, almost ready to admit that she was the Divine as long as she had an answer.

"Because you don't think you can be loved." God answered simply. "Despite everything I've tried to tell you, despite the amount of times that I've said I loved you, you don't believe it. You have very little faith left Gabe."

"But I want to be loved so badly."

"I know you do, but it's a contradiction in human nature that something wanted is the one thing that people don't allow themselves. I'm not condoning hedonism, mind you, that never gets anyone very far."

"Why do we do it then?"

"Fear. Fear of being vulnerable because of the thing wanted, fear of the loss of the thing wanted, fear of rejection of the thing wanted. Fear of not being worthy of the thing wanted. Humans fear a great many things." God shook her head.

"What do I fear?"

"You fear that you are not worthy of love and that you'll be rejected again."

"How do I stop being scared?"

"You have to realize that you are worthy and that no matter how many times you are rejected you still deserve to be loved." God said and laid a hand on Gabe's shoulder.

"And how do I do that?"

"You love with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul."

"I don't think I can do that."

"I wouldn't have told you if I knew you couldn't do it. You have an incredible capacity for love within you. You can do it."

"I'm not ready."

"To what? Love? Why do you need to be ready to love? How does one prepare to love?"

"I've been hurt."

"Love cures hurt and pain. Love forgives and heals. Love brings wisdom and truth. Love warms the heart and cools anger. That's what they mean when they say `Love conquers all'. True love, selfless love will conquer all."

"So you're telling me I should be with Kyle? You're telling me I should take a risk?"

"Love is never a risk. Love is simply loving. It's when people love to receive love back that it becomes a gamble. And as to being with Kyle, is that what you want?"

"You told me to love with all my heart, mind and soul! Who am I going to love if not Kyle?"

"Everyone. Why not start small? There are so many people out there who need love. Why can't you simply be there a little more for people? Take the time to see them a little clearer? Give them aid when you can? Sometimes just a friendly ear or a strong shoulder is enough."

"That will help me?"

"It will."

"I guess I could give it a try."

"You were more enthusiastic when I asked you to help out at the soup kitchen."

"I thought it couldn't hurt."

"Giving love freely never does, dear." God said and stood and walked away.

Gabe filled the next few weeks with work, staying at the office late and getting in early. His supervisor, Paula mentioned it a couple times suggesting he not spend all of his time at the office, but Gabe felt comfortable there, in control. His hard work was applauded by others in the office, but Paula would just grumble something about him becoming `burnt out' and leave him alone. But he didn't think he was going to burn out. How could numbers and figures ever hurt him? You placed them where they were supposed to go, they acted in the only way they could which was true to their nature, and if there was an error you simply corrected them. They were a great deal easier than dealing with human drama.

"All right, Gabriel Donovan. I'm pulling rank." Paula said as she marched into his office.

"I'm sorry?"

"You're coming with me. We've got to go meet a client we do pro bono work for. They've got some discrepancies that we need fixed before we put the forms through."

"Paula, I know you're my boss but I'm-."

"That's why it's called `pulling rank'. Come on." She said and walked out the door without waiting to see if Gabe followed.

He followed her down the elevator and out to her car, which she drove like a speed demon bent on killing every pedestrian she could. Gabe was fearful for his life.

"I wanted to get you out of the office. It's not really p.c. to tell employees not to work so hard but I'm worried for you kid. You're doing a great job. Why are you killing yourself?" Paula asked as she aimed her B.M.W. toward a bike messenger.

"I'm going through a lot in my life and work keeps me distracted. The more I'm distracted, the less I have to think about my problems."

"And the less you have to deal with them." She said and veered into another lane seconds before totaling her car and the taxi that pulled out in front of her.

"Something like that."

"Well, that's running away. Look, I've been there. You don't work as a C.P.A. and not have problems in your love life. Dates either consider you as some sort of lower life form because you can do math in your head, or the person you do land up catching doesn't understand why you're emotionally unavailable during tax season. Course there's also the myth that accountants have no imagination."

"I'm pretty sure that's a statistical fact." Gabe said and grabbed the oh-shit-handle by the door.

"Don't interrupt. Anyway, love lives suck no matter who you are. Eventually you're heart becomes engaged and it's just a ticking time bomb till someone fucks up. And someone always fucks up. It's not nice, it's not pleasant but it's the truth. You can't hide yourself away just cause some asshole hurt you, and correct me if I'm wrong but this would be an asshole of the male variety?" Paula asked, pointedly.

"Um… yeah."

"Cool. I'm hip. So, you hear what I'm saying?" Paula finished her soliloquy and gunned the gas to slide into a parking space before another car could finish parallel parking.

"I'm trying to but all I've been able to think about since getting into the car with you is that I seriously need to change my life insurance beneficiary." Gabe said, trying to unclench his hands from the handle and his bowels from fear.

"I know. I kinda have a lead foot."

"I was going to say death wish, but if you prefer." Gabe's face was still pale. Paula laughed.

"I really like you, Gabe. You fit in well and you're a hard worker. But I don't want to see you spend all your time at the office, especially now. You should be getting out and meeting people."

"Actually Paula, there is someone. He's nice, gorgeous and he's into me."

"Marry him."

"He scares me to death."

"Yeah, the good ones usually do." She said, grabbed her briefcase and headed toward a nondescript building with a faded sign reading. `Tribeca Women's Shelter'.

Gabe followed his supervisor's purposeful stride into the building and assumed that it had once seen better days. The paint on the walls was chipping off and the floors had been cleaned as best they could but still showed signs of the passing of too many feet. Women walked the hallways, some looking relieved, others looking as if they had given up their spirit long ago. Some held the hands of little children and had a spark of determination in their eyes, for their children's sake, if not for their own. Gabe was struck with sympathy. Paula led the way into an office with a desk, two chairs, and more files than Gabe currently had on his desk. In the middle of the files sat a woman who looked like she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"Paula." The woman said in greeting.

"Helen." Paula responded.

"To what do I owe this visit?" The woman asked.

"Your files, Helen. They suck."

"You try filling out all this paperwork and then come to be about my files sucking. Of course they suck."

"Calm down, we just have some questions."

"I'm calm, honey and I'll try to have the answers but it's not like I'm running a for profit here. You might have to take what you can get."

Paula and Gabe sat with Helen and did their best to correct the discrepancies. It took over two hours which put them passed the end of their day when Paula finally admitted she was satisfied.

"It must be nice working nine to five." Helen chuckled.

"It's not bad." Paula agreed. "Bartley, Fitch and Meade really do admire your work here. That's why we do what we can."

"I know. Please tell Bartley, Fitch and Meade that we appreciate all their help as well as their generous donations."

They left the office when Gabe was distracted by the sound of someone crying. He looked over his shoulder and saw a small girl sitting on the floor, clutching her arms around her bent legs. He stopped and knelt down next to her.

"Are you ok, sweetie?" The girl shook her head. "Do you hurt somewhere?" Again, the girl shook her head. "Are you sad?"

"Yes." The girl answered. Gabe turned and saw that Paula looked impatient to leave.

"I'll take the subway back, Paula."

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

"All right. I'll see you later." Paula left and Gabe sat down on the floor next to the little girl.

"What's your name?"

"Darlene."

"Mine's Gabe. You want to talk about why y you're sad?" The girl shook her head. "Sometimes talking about it can help."

"Can it stop my daddy hurting my mom?" She asked.

"No. Not usually."

"Then I don't want to talk about it."

"How old are you Darlene?"

"Eight."

"That's really young to have seen the things you've seen. People hurting other people is horrible, isn't it?"

"Yeah. My mommy hurt so bad she had to go to the hospital. Then my daddy hit me when she got home and she brought me here."

"She did that cause she loves you."

"She didn't love my daddy?"

"She probably did but sometimes people have a sickness in them that makes them hurt so bad they do bad things. You're daddy had it."

"Why's he sick?"

"I don't know, sweetie."

"Will he get better?"

"I don't know. Probably not. People like your daddy just hurt so much that they keep hurting others. That's why your mommy brought you here. So he couldn't hurt you or her again. But you know what?"

"What?"

"The people here are going to try to help you and your mommy so that you can go somewhere safe and not have to worry. You can start over and take care of each other. I know that probably doesn't sound so good now but soon it will."

"Will I get to see my daddy again?"

"If you want to, when you're older and stronger. But he probably won't be healthy yet so you'll have to be careful and not see him until you're old enough to take care of yourself. Ok?"

"Ok." The little girl gave a shaky sigh. Gabe wiped her tears.

"You'll be fine, sweetie." He said and smiled. The girl got up and walked down the hallway toward her rooms.

Gabe stood and turned around to see Helen standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry. She was crying."

"Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for? I was going to offer you a job."

"I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this all day."

"Honey, I'm not strong enough to handle this all day." She said and returned back to her office.

Gabe turned around and saw a little boy standing in the hallway smiling at him. He smiled back.

"Hi." He said. "What's your name?"

"You know me, Gabriel. I'm very proud of you. It was a good start to talk to one so young and help her shoulder her burden for a little while." The vocabulary was inconsistent with the boys age and the way he spoke struck Gabe as familiar.

Gabe sank to his knee and frowned at the impossibility of what he was thinking.

"I know you?" He asked.

"Of course you do." The little boy said and came closer. He placed his little hands on either side of Gabe's face. "All my children know me."

"You can't be…" Gabe said and stood up and back from the boy.

"Why not? Because I appear as a child? I've already told you I'm trying to make you see a larger truth."

"I can't do this. I have to leave." Gabe turned and started walking out the door.

"It's your choice, Gabriel. I love you anyway." God said, and watched Gabe walk out the door.

Gabe thought of what had happened the entire train ride back to his office and the entire drive home. When he walked in the door he was greeted by the cacophony of dogs barking and Darren asking him how his day went. Gabe walked to the wet bar and poured himself a whiskey from Phil's personal decanter. He drained it quickly.

"What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Darren, how do you know if you're crazy?"

"I'm sure there are many ways but the first couple that come to mind are auditory and visual hallucinations and thinking you're Napoleon. Why? Feeling crazy?"

"Kind of. I'm starting to think something that can't be true."

"Something that can't be true or shouldn't be true?" Phil asked as he came in from the kitchen.

"I don't know. Both? Maybe?" Gabe answered.

"Does it effect you personally? Can you function and still have this thought?" Phil asked.

"I guess so. Yeah."

"Does this thought disrupt your morals or your social ethics?"

"Um…no. It actually kind of strengthens them."

"I would say you're fine. Just deal with the thought as best you can until you can either disprove it or accept it. Keeping an open but critical mind might help too." Phil said as he sat on the couch.

"Honey, when did you get all psychology smart like?" Darren asked.

"I took some psych classes in college. Never really liked it but it kind of came back to me when Gabe was talking crazy."

"You were like Peppermint Patty when she gets out her little psychologists stand." Darren smiled, then frowned as Gabe started walking away. "Where are you going? I thought you thought you were crazy?"

"I just might be. I've got to make a call." Gabe said and went to his room.

He held the phone in his hand for an hour as he drummed up the courage to dial. He hadn't seen Kyle much since they had the discussion in the car and when Darren and Phil invited him over for dinner he had begun refusing. Gabe drew in a breath and let it out slowly as he dialed. When the phone started ringing he lost his nerve but was too slow to hang up.

"Hello?" Kyle answered.

"Kyle, this is Gabe." There was silence. "Gabriel Donovan, I'm staying with Darren and Phil? You lent me a car?"

"Yeah. I know. I'm just surprised to be hearing from you."

"You haven't been over lately." Gabe stated.

"No. I thought it best to give you- give us a little space. If you didn't need space then I guess the space was for me."

"I did need space, actually and I appreciate you giving it to me."

"Yeah, well I'm here to help." Gabe winced at Kyle's snide tone. This wasn't going as well as he hoped it would. Kyle sighed. "I'm sorry, Gabe. You didn't deserve that. I had a really bad day and I'm sorry to take it out on you. I was about to take a shower and cook some dinner when you called. What's on your mind?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's ok, really." Kyle chuckled. "Now I feel like an ass. I told you, it was a really bad day. I'm glad you called. I actually missed hearing your voice."

"Did you?"

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be sure?"

"Our previous discussion didn't go so hot."

"Well, I shouldn't have pushed you. I thought about that a lot and you were right. I said I'd wait, which is my decision and then I tried to push you into something. That wasn't right and I'm sorry."

"I'm not." Gabe said and closed his eyes praying for strength.

"You're not what?"

"I'm not sorry you tried to push me."

"You're not?" Kyle asked.

"No, actually, I was sort of calling to ask you out."

"Ask me out? Like on a date?"

"Or ask you to ask me out, since I know you like to be the one to pursue."

"Really? Are you sure? You're not just doing this cause I said something the other night?"

"No. Yes. All of it. I think I needed a little kick in the ass and I've realized today that I need to be more courageous and fight for what I want, so…."

"Jesus, Gabe. It sounds like you're going off to war." Kyle laughed which made Gabe smile.

"Will you please put me out of my misery and just ask me out or hang up?" Gabe pleaded.

"No."

"No?"

"No, I'm not going to. I know I said I like being the pursuer but the fact that you asked me is kind of cool. Why don't you ask me again?"

"Why? I already asked you."

"You sort of asked me. I'm really not sure you ever came out and said `Kyle, would you go out with me' or something like that."

"Oh Go-." Gabe frowned and looked around his room. He hoped that taking the Lord's name in vain wasn't one of the solid commandments. "Kyle, would you like to go out with me sometime?"

"I would love to go out with you sometime, Gabriel. When did you have in mind?"

"Um…. I hadn't actually thought passed the asking part. When do you have free?"

"I know it's a little sudden but I haven't eaten yet and I was just about to jump in the shower. How about tonight?"

"Tonight's fine." Gabe said and swallowed nervously. He was usually very comfortable with Kyle but tonight was different. Tonight was going to be different.

"Pick me up in an hour and a half?"

"Sounds great."

"Yeah, it does. See you then."

"Bye." Gabe hung up the phone and let out the breath he was holding. "Holy shit."

Gabe ran around trying to get ready as quickly as possible. He ran through his shower routine faster than ever and still had an hour and twenty minutes to decide what to wear. By the time he had, he only had fifteen minutes to get to Kyle's house. Gabe made his way downstairs and found Darren and Phil in the living room.

"Wow! What are you all duded up for?" Darren asked.

"I've got a date tonight." Gabe answered.

"With who?" Darren asked frowning.

"Kyle."

"Oh my God!" Gabe winced at Darren's exclamation. "This is awesome! We should take pictures. This is like your prom!! Oh honey, I'm so proud!!"

Darren flew around the room, getting the camera and hugging him while Gabe and Phil just watched with amused expressions on their faces.

"He is REALLY gay." Gabe said to Phil.

"I know, but it's cute." Phil smiled. "Congrats on the date. You feeling good about it?"

"Yeah, believe it or not. I feel… nervous but good nervous, not queasy I'm going to throw up in the car or I'm under an emotional attack nervous."

"Well, that's good." Phil nodded.

"I didn't even hear the phone ring. When did he ask you?" Darren asked, rushing back to take a picture.

"He didn't. I asked him."

"You did what?" Darren paused. "You asked Kyle out?"

"Yeah."

"And he said yes?"

"Yeah."

"Kyle hates when guys ask him out. He's a dinosaur who thinks `southern gentlemen should do the askin'."

"Well, I did and he said yes. Actually, I kind of asked him out but then told him to ask me out cause he likes asking people out and he said that me asking him out was sort of cool and so I did and he said yes." Gabe explained.

"Wow. Ok. New directions for everyone tonight." Darren said, eyebrows raised.

"No Glee references till Tuesday! You know I hate it when you do that." Phil said.

"It wasn't a Glee- oh yeah, it was. But I didn't mean it. I just meant that things seem to be changing for people around here and that's a good thing."

"Have an awesome time on your date, sweetie." Darren said and hugged Gabe one last time.

Gabe ran to the car and peeled out as he sped to Kyle's house to make it on time.

Darren and Phil stood in the doorway after he had driven away, Darren with a wistful look on his face and Phil with a smile.

"They're going to make a beautiful couple and adopt some absolutely GORGEOUS Asian kids." Darren said.

"Yeah. They're living the gay American dream." Phil agreed.