Chapter 18

Aiah’s POV

I’m going to be a mother.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero ang gaan sa loob. Is this because of the sign from God? Na kahit ang gulo-gulo ng simula namin ni Janna, may ganitong blessing na darating. yes I claim this child as a blessing? Pero kasabay ng katahimikang ‘yon, may kakaibang shift akong nararamdaman sa loob ko.

And it’s all directed at Janna.

I don’t know what’s happening to me.

I want her near, but at the same time, sobrang nakaka-irita siya yung bawat galaw niya. Like, literally every move she makes is annoying. Bakit ba kailangang ganyan siya maghugas ng plato? Bakit kailangang ganyan siya tumayo? Every little thing is getting on my nerves for no reason at all.

Nasa sofa ako ngayon, mindlessly eating ice cream habang pinapanood siyang mag hugas ng pinggan sa kusina.

My brain is actively looking for a reason to be mad at her. Is this my way of punishing her for what she did to me? O sadyang naging unbearable na lang talaga siya sa paningin ko?

“So, what’s the plan?” she asked, breaking the silence. Like what I told her, ako ang magdedesisyon.

“I don’t know… what do you think?” masungit kong sagot. Hindi ko man lang siya tiningnan, busy lang ako sa pag-scoop ng ice cream kahit ang totoo, bawat salita niya ay pinakikinggan ko.

“Maybe we should do a meeting?” she suggested, hindi man lang tinitigilan ang pag-iscrub ng sink. “Better if we invite some close friends. You know, para may mag-guide sa atin. Hindi natin ‘to kaya ng tayo lang I mean it’s first time for both of us.”

I paused. She has a point. Hindi ko pwedeng sarilinin ‘to. “Alright. I’ll let Maloi and Stacey know that we’re having a meeting tonight.”

“Sure, tonight then. I’ll cook,” she replied with that small, annoying smile. “And… can I ask Joanna to come, too? If you don’t mind?”

“Go ahead. Unfair naman kung friends ko lang ang andito,” I said, trying to keep my voice flat.

“Okay,” she said.

“Okay,” I replied.

Maya-maya, natapos na siya sa paglilinis. She wiped her hands dry and reached for her keys na nilapag niya sa table kanina. The moment her fingers touched the keys, parang may kung anong kumurot sa dibdib ko.

“Where are you going?” mabilis kong tanong. It sounded way more urgent than I intended.

“Grocery?” She looked at me, looking a bit surprised. “Stay here. Bibili lang ako ng ingredients for our dinner later.”

Hahawakan na sana niya ang doorknob nang biglang mag-traydor ang bibig ko.

“Sasama ako!”

Napatigil siya. She looked at me with those wondering eyes. Her face was literally a question mark. Sino ba namang hindi magtataka? Kanina lang, kulang na lang ay isumpa ko ang paghinga niya, tapos ngayon, heto ako at ayaw siyang paalisin nang mag-isa.

“No, stay here. Babalik din ako agad,” she said gently then smile, parang inaamo ang isang bata.

“I don’t care about you!” I snapped, trying to save my dignity. “I’m just… I’m just so bored! So sasama ako, whether you like it or not!”

My God, Aiah. Ano ‘yun? Why are you being so mean? Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. I felt so toxic, pero hindi ko mapigilan.

Napakamot na lang siya ng ulo. “Yes, Ma’am,” she surrendered.

Lumapit siya sa akin, kinuha ang jacket ko, at dahan-dahang isinuot ‘yon sa akin. She even knelt down to find my shoes and put them on my feet. I just looked away, my heart doing a weird drum roll. Para akong batang dinadamitan, and weirdly, I didn’t hate the feeling.

I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’s just the stress? I’ll just take all the perks while she’s offering. I convinced myself na kaya lang ako sasama ay dahil bored ako, but deep down, there was this annoying whisper: I just didn’t want her to leave my side.

….

Joanna’s POV

Ting!

I checked my phone. Isang message mula kay Mikha.

Mikha: Buddy, can you come tonight? Aiah is pregnant. Nag-usap kami and we decided to have a meeting with her friends and with my closest friend-and you know that’s you. Please, for me.

Sa sobrang gulat, literal na nabuga ko yung tubig na iniinom ko. What the-?! Aiah is confirmed pregnant? Wow. Magiging tatay na si Mikhaela Lim? How can I say no to this? Kahit nandoon pa ang bwisit na si Stacey, pupunta pa rin ako. Pake ko sa kanya? My best friend needs me.

Binigay niya ang address at ang oras. I didn’t even bother checking the map. Hello? Kabisado ko na ang daan papunta sa condo nila Aiah I’ve been there.

I decided to suit up. Isinuot ko ang pinakapogi at pinakamahal kong damit. Then, I pulled out my most expensive perfume-yung amoy na hinding-hindi niya malilimutan. Para kapag nakita niya ako, maglaway siya. Para ma-realize niya na ako yung sinayang niya.

Nakarating ako sa lobby ng condo nila Aiah. At dahil mapaglaro talaga ang tadhana,

pagminamalas ka nga naman… agad kong nakita si Stacey.

She was walking toward the elevator with her friend. Mabilis akong humabol at pinindot ang button bago pa sumara ang pinto.

Step. In. Act cool.

The elevator doors opened. Pagkapasok ko, ramdam ko agad ang tingin niya. She recognized me instantly. I could see her eyes widening, and the tension inside that small space was thick enough to cut with a knife.

Well, me? I’m chill. I don’t feel any pressure. I acted nonchalantly, staring at the floor numbers while her friend was whispering something to her.

Ting!

The elevator opened sa floor nila Aiah. Naunang lumabas sina Stacey, kaya sumunod lang ako nang may distansya. Pero mukhang hindi na siya nakapagpigil.

“Hoy, ikaw!” Stacey shouted, pointing her finger at me the moment she turned around.

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, acting surprised. “Me?”

“Oo, ikaw! Sino pa ba?! Sinusundan mo ba ako? I mean, obviously, sinusundan mo ako!” She let out a sarcastic laugh, flipping her hair.

“Ano, hindi ka pa rin ba naka-move on? Sorry, I’m not single anymore. No more slots!”

I just looked at her, my face devoid of any emotion. Then, I gave her a small, mocking smirk and walked right past her. Hindi ko siya binigyan ng kahit anong reaction.

Sakto namang bumukas ang pinto ng unit at lumabas si Mikha para salubungin kami.

“Budd!” kaway niya, looking relieved to see a familiar face.

Nag-brother hug kami. “Congratulations, Miks! Tatay ka na!” bulong ko habang tinatapik ang balikat niya.

Napansin na rin ni Mikha sina Maloi at Stacey na nakatayo pa rin sa hallway.

“Ah, Maloi, Stacey… Good evening,” bati niya. “Pasensya na, pinakialaman ko na yung condo niyo. Nagluto na ako.”

I glanced at Stacey. Her face was a masterpiece of embarrassment and annoyance. She looked like she wanted the floor to swallow her whole. Like, what? Coincidence, right? I gave her a teasing, “I-told-you-so” grin.

Pumasok na kaming lahat sa loob. The atmosphere shifted. Naupo kami sa sala habang sina Aiah at Mikha ay tumayo sa harap naming lahat. They looked nervous, their hands almost touching but not quite.

Dahan-dahan nilang ipinaliwanag ang lahat-the IVF process, the unexpected result, and the confirmation na buntis nga si Aiah.

I was the first one to react. I stood up and clapped my hands. “I’m so happy for you guys!”

Si Maloi, nakisabay na rin sa pag-palakpak. Pero si Stacey? She just rolled her eyes at me, huffing under her breath. Pero nang makita niyang lahat kami ay nagse-celebrate, wala rin siyang nagawa kundi pumalakpak na lang din, kahit halatang napilitan lang.

….

Aiah’s POV

Everyone accepted my decision. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil doon-parang nabunutan ako ng tinik sa dibdib. We all gathered around the table to eat the food Mikha cooked. I won’t deny it, she’s a genius in the kitchen. Sobrang nagustuhan ko ang mga luto niya. She’s really talented… ano pa bang hindi niya kayang gawin?

I felt so flattered. The effort she’s putting in is just… different.

Inimungkahi ni Maloi na dapat na rin kaming magsabi sa mga magulang ko. She was right. Hindi ko ito pwedeng itago habang buhay; kailangan nilang malaman ang totoo. I told them I’d set a schedule to visit my family, and everyone promised to support me and even come with me once the date is set.

The meeting eventually turned into a mini-party. Everyone was having fun. Napansin ko rin na nagkakasundo na sina Maloi at Joanna, while Stacey… kanina ko pa napapansin na panay ang simangot niya sa bisita ni Janna.

And Janna? She’s busy washing the dishes-again.

Since she stepped back into my life, para na akong naging baldado. She does everything for me. Minsan, nakakalimutan ko nang may sarili pala akong mga kamay dahil lagi siyang nandiyan para asikasuhin ako.

But then, my mood shifted. Napansin ko si Stacey na lumapit kay Janna sa may sink.

“Janna, tulungan na kita,” Stacey offered with a smile.

“Hindi na, Stacey. Malapit na rin akong matapos. By the way, I made Graham cake. Malamig na yata ‘yun sa fridge, do you want some?” Mikha replied, her voice soft and friendly.

“Hmm, sure! Pero konti lang ha? Diet ako, eh,” Stacey laughed.

“Nagdi-diet ka pa sa lagay na ‘yan? I mean, you’re slim and you have a great figure,” Janna said casually.

Then it happened. Stacey playfully slapped Janna on the arm-yung tipong mahinhin na hampas-pa-cute.

Biglang may kumurot sa dibdib ko. Why am I feeling this? Jealous? No, I’m not. Pero hinding-hindi ko maitatago na ayaw ko siyang nakikitang may kasamang iba-kahit si Stacey pa ‘yan na kaibigan ko.

So, hindi pala ako special? Ganun pala talaga siya. She’s a sweet-talker to everyone. I felt a sudden pang of pain na hindi ko maipaliwanag. Akala ko, para sa akin lang yung mga salitang ‘yun. Akala ko, sa akin lang siya ganoon ka-gentle.

I couldn’t take it anymore. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko. Agad akong tumayo, causing my chair to scrape loudly against the floor.

“I’m tired. I’m going to sleep,” I said, my voice cold and sharp.

“Ate Aiah? Are you okay?” Maloi asked, looking concerned.

“Oo nga, Aiah. Maaga pa, ah? Matutulog ka na agad?” habol ni Janna habang pinapatuyo ang mga kamay niya.

I looked at her, my eyes narrowing. “It’s none of your business, Mikhaela.”

I turned my gaze to the others. “Thank you guys for attending my invitation. Mauna na ako sa inyo matulog.”

Bago pa sila makasagot, tinalikuran ko na sila. Pumasok ako sa kwarto ko at binalibag ang pinto nang pagkalakas-lakas. BLAG!

“Anong nangyari dun?” I heard Maloi’s muffled voice from the living room.

“Ganun talaga yata ‘pag buntis,” Stacey replied.

Sinuot ko ang kumot ko hanggang ulo. My heart was racing. I hate this. I hate how she can make me feel so safe one minute, and so incredibly replaced the next.

I tried to sleep early. Pinilit kong ipikit ang mga mata ko at magkunwaring mahimbing na ang tulog ko, pero ayaw makisama ng utak ko.

​The way she acted in front of Stacey earlier is still pissing me off. Paulit-ulit na nag-uunahan sa isip ko yung paghampas ni Stacey sa kanya at yung pagiging “sweet-talker” niya. It’s like a broken record playing in my head, and I hate it.

​Huminga ako nang malalim at kinausap ang sarili ko-a heart-to-heart talk with my own reflection in the dark.

​Aiah, why are you acting like that? Do you like her?

​To be honest, hindi ko na alam. I’ve never thought of myself as someone who could fall for another woman. I mean, I’m not gay… but the way she does things, the way she makes me feel? Parang ganun na nga.

​Am I crushing on Janna? Is this still about the baby, or is it already about her?

​Ting!

​The screen of my phone lit up on the nightstand. Kinuha ko ‘yon at binasa ang message.

​Janna: Thank you for today. I hope you sleep well. Take care always.

​Napanguso ako habang nakatitig sa screen. I felt a tiny flutter in my chest, pero agad ko ring sinupil ‘yon.

​I don’t buy that, Aiah. Siguro sinasabi niya lang ‘yan dahil sa baby. Pinapaalalahanan niya lang ako kasi dala ko ang anak niya. Don’t fall for it. Don’t be so weak.

​I decided not to reply back. Pangangatawanan ko na ‘to-na tulog na ako at wala akong pakialam sa mga messages niya. I turned my phone face down and pulled the blanket up to my chin.

​But the truth is, despite the silence of the room, my heart was beating so loud. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I could still feel the warmth of her hands when she tied my hair earlier.

​Bwisit ka, Mikhaela. Bakit ba ang hirap mong tiisin?

…

NEXT DAY

​Naalimpungatan ako dahil sa sinag ng araw na tumatama sa mukha ko. I checked my phone— 8am medyo tanghali na rin pala. I felt a bit heavy, siguro dahil na rin sa puyat at sa sitwasyon ko ngayon I can’t sleep last night.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto habang kinukuskos pa ang mga mata ko.

“Good morning, Ate Aiah!” masayang bati ni Stacey.

“Morning, Ate Aiah!” hirit naman ni Maloi na busy na sa pag-aayos ng table.

​”Morning, guys. Aba, ang aga niyo atang nag-prepare ng breakfast? Parang ang sarap niyan ah,” puna ko habang papalapit sa lamesa.

​”Sino nagluto nito? Ikaw, Stacey? Himala, hindi sunog,” biro ko.

“Si Mikha… I mean, Janna,” sagot ni Stacey habang naglalagay ng juice sa baso.

Napatigil ako. What?

“Oh?” tanong ko, kunwari hindi apektado pero ang totoo, nagwawala na ang mga paru-paro sa tiyan ko.

“She came here early. Nag-drop by ng food. And oh, may lunch ka na rin pala d’yan sa lamesa. Initin mo na lang daw mamaya, but that’s freshly cooked this morning kaya don’t worry daw,” dugtong pa ni Stacey.

Talaga? This early morning? Pumunta siya rito para lang siguruhing may pagkain ako bago siya pumasok?

“Hallaaa… kakilig! Ito na ba ‘yun? The effort is real!” pangaasar ni Maloi.

Narinig ko ‘yun, pero dedma lang ako. Dumiretso ako sa pag-sandok ng pagkain na niluto ni Janna. My heart felt full, and it wasn’t just because of the food.

“Mapapa-sana all ka na lang talaga,” sabi ni Stacey habang umiiling-iling.

“Sana all? She didn’t even like me,”

 I murmured, almost to myself. Naisip ko kasi yung pakikitungo niya kay Stacey kagabi. Baka nga obligasyon lang talaga ‘to para sa baby.

“Halaa! Si Ate Aiah, gusto ma-Like!” sigaw ni Maloi. Nag-apir pa silang dalawa ni Stacey habang tumatawa nang malakas.

I felt cornered. I felt vulnerable. And then, it just came out.

“I like her…”

Silence.

Literal na huminto ang mundo sa loob ng unit namin. Sabay na nanlaki ang mga mata nila. Stacey almost dropped her glass, and Maloi was frozen in place. To be honest, kahit ako… na-shock sa inamin ko. Did I just say that out loud?

Maya-maya, biglang nabulabog ang buong condo.

“GAY!!! Hala, gay na siyaaa!” sigaw ni Stacey. Napatayo pa sila at parang mga batang nagtatalon sa tuwa. Si Maloi naman, nilapitan ako at niyugyog ang balikat ko.

“Sabi na, eh! Sabiii na ehhh! How can you not fall for that Janna? Bato lang ang hindi mafafall doon!” Maloi shrieked in excitement.

Napakunot ang noo ko. Something hit me. “What do you mean? Tell me guys… do you like Janna too? Like as I do?”

Biglang natahimik ang dalawa. Nagkatinginan sila.

“Umm… ahh… well, she’s attractive. Let’s be real, she’s a total package,” simula ni Maloi habang mabilis na kinukuha ang phone niya. “But I’m dating someone else! Safe ka sa akin!”

Lumingon naman ako kay Stacey. Itinaas ko ang isa kong kilay, waiting for her explanation.

“Ammm…” Napakagat ng kuko si Stacey at napa-peace sign sa akin. 

“Yes… I mean, crushable naman talaga siya. But – but now that you said you like her… she’s all yours! I surrender! AND I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE PART OF THE CLUB NA!” pag-iiba niya ng usapan habang tumatawa nang malakas.

Napailing na lang ako habang nararamdaman ang pag-init ng mga pisngi ko. I’m part of the club now?

But I like Janna just her…