Chapter 27

When William stirred awake, Est was already dressed, standing at the foot of the bed with his back to him. The early morning light spilled in through the sheer curtains, casting Est in a dull glow – like something caught between night and morning, guilt and restraint.

William pushed up slowly, sleep still clinging to him.

Est turned when he heard the movement, and his face was unreadable – except for the faint shadow under his eyes and the set of his jaw.

“I’m sorry,” Est said, voice quiet. “About last night. I drank more than I should have. That was – reckless.”

William’s chest ached, but he kept his voice calm. Gentle. “You don’t usually drink.”

Est didn’t reply.

William swung his legs over the side of the bed. “Are you okay?”

Est flinched at the question.

William let the silence sit, then tried again. “Why did you stay away all those nights, Est?”

He didn’t say I missed you. You said you loved me. And hated me. He didn’t say you scared me. He didn’t say you kissed me like you were falling apart.

But Est heard all of it.

He hesitated for a long time, fingers curling at his sides. Then –

“I just needed space. To gather my thoughts.”

“That’s what you said three nights ago.”

Est turned slightly, not facing him, not quite turning away either.

William spoke softly, though his chest was tight. “You’re not just gathering your thoughts. Something happened. And I think I deserve to know what it was.”

Est’s shoulders tensed.

He didn’t look at William as he said, “Dylan kissed me.”

The world stilled.

William blinked. “What?”

“It was the first night I didn’t come,” Est continued, voice low. “I was on a walk after dinner. Ran into him near the training yards. He said some things I didn’t want to hear. Provoked me. I punched him.”

William’s brows lifted slightly. “You – punched him?”

“He kept going. Said I was delusional if I thought someone like you would ever be mine. Said that if you really wanted me, you wouldn’t have needed a contract to keep me close.”

Est looked down at his hands. “And then he kissed me.”

William’s face darkened.

“I didn’t kiss him back,” Est said quickly. “But I didn’t stop it either. Not right away. I let it go on. Longer than I should’ve.”

William’s heart clenched. “Why?”

Est’s jaw tensed. His eyes flicked to the ground, shame coiling in his expression.

“Because… I wanted to know if I could move on. If maybe… maybe it would be easier to want someone who could actually want me back.”

Silence.

“I was trying to see if maybe it would be easier,” Est said quietly. “To be with someone I could actually have. Someone who doesn’t – make me forget who I am. Or who you are.”

There was a long pause.

When William finally spoke, his voice was almost gentle. “And did it help?”

Est closed his eyes and exhaled shakily. “No. It didn’t help.”

William stood from the bed slowly. His voice was hoarse. “And after that?”

“I couldn’t face you. Not after what I let happen. And not with what I was feeling. I thought – ” Est’s voice broke a little. “I thought if I distanced myself, maybe I could kill whatever this was before it killed me.”

William stared at him, emotions tangling like wires in his chest – jealousy, confusion, betrayal… but also something more fragile. 

“You should’ve told me.”

Est looked up at him finally, eyes shining. “I was ashamed.”

William crossed the space between them. He didn’t touch him. Just stood there, gaze unwavering.

“Est… You think I don’t want you?”

Est swallowed hard, eyes flicking away again. “I don’t know what you want.”

William tilted his head, studying him. His voice was calm, but not kind. “That’s the question you asked yourself?”

Est nodded, unsure.

William’s gaze darkened. “And after everything I’ve given you – everything I held back to make sure you never felt used or overpowered – you still weren’t sure?”

Est’s brows drew in slightly. “You’re being… strangely calm about this.”

William let out a sharp breath and looked away, jaw tense.

Est blinked. “I thought you’d be furious. I kissed someone else.”

At that, William laughed – sharp, sudden, bitter.

And then he turned, eyes burning.

“You think I’m calm?”

Est froze.

“You think I didn’t feel it? Every goddamn night you didn’t come?” William’s voice rose, cracking open. “You think I didn’t wonder if you were with someone else? If I’d crossed a line by wanting too much?”

“William – “

“No, don’t – don’t interrupt.” William stepped closer. “I’m calm, Est, because I have to be. Because if I say what I really want to say, I’d sound insane. Possessive. Unreasonable.”

Est stayed still, breathing uneven.

William’s voice dropped, low and rough. “You kissed him. You let him kiss you. And you’re standing here asking if I wanted you? Est, I’ve wanted you since the first night you looked at me like I wasn’t a crown. I’ve ached for you in rooms full of people. And I’ve stayed quiet about it because I knew what this meant to you – because I didn’t want to make you feel trapped.”

He stepped even closer, now only inches between them. “But don’t mistake silence for indifference.”

Est’s breath hitched.

William stared at him.

Then he stepped closer, his tone sharpening. “Was I that forgettable?”

“What?”

“Was I that easy to walk away from?” William’s voice was soft, but there was venom laced beneath. “Three weeks of restraint – for you. You said you needed time, so I gave it. I waited. I ached. And you – “

He cut himself off, turning away like the words tasted bitter in his mouth.

Est tried, quietly, “I didn’t think you even wanted me.”

That did it.

William turned back, his eyes cold and fire-bright. “How fucking dare you.”

Est froze.

“You don’t get to say that to me. After everything. After I held back every fucking thing I wanted – every touch, every word – because you flinched at being owned.” William’s voice dropped, deeper, almost guttural. “I let you set the pace. I gave you space. I gave you everything. And you thought I didn’t want you?”

He took another step forward, and Est instinctively leaned back.

William stared, voice shaking now. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been holding back? The things I’ve bitten down just to keep you comfortable?”

“I didn’t know – “

“No. You didn’t want to know.” William’s lips curled, hurt laced with rage. “Because if you did, you wouldn’t have gone to someone else the moment it got too hard.”

Est swallowed. “I – “

“You want to know why I’m calm?” William spat. “I’m not. I’m fucking boiling. But I have to hold it in, because if I don’t – if I let myself feel everything I want to feel – “

He leaned in now, low and dark and inches from Est’s face.

” – you’d never walk away again.”

Est looked like he couldn’t breathe.

William’s gaze flicked down to his mouth, then back up. “You’re mine,” he whispered. “You always were. And I’ve been polite about it. Patient. But don’t test me again.”

Est stood in the middle of the room, breath shallow, fingers curled slightly at his sides. “I just… I didn’t know what to do with how I was feeling. And Dylan said things that – made me think I was being delusional.”

William laughed – cold and joyless. “Delusional?”

Est flinched.

“I pulled away so you could have space,” William said, voice trembling with restraint. “So you’d know I wasn’t using you. That I wanted more than sex. That I was serious about you.“

He stepped closer – not to touch, but to burn with the weight of his words. “I let you go every night for three weeks. Do you have any idea how much that killed me?”

Est stayed silent, jaw clenched tight.

“I kept my hands off you. My heart wide open. And you still thought I didn’t want you?” William’s voice dropped, low and sharp. “What the hell else was I supposed to do, Est?”

Est’s eyes widened slightly, caught off guard by the rawness in his tone.

“Maybe,” William said bitterly, “you just didn’t want to believe it.”

“That’s not true – “

“No?” William snapped. “You let him kiss you. You let it happen. You thought you could move on. That it would be easier.”

His voice broke a little.

“You were supposed to be mine.” He stepped back like he couldn’t bear the sight of him. “But maybe you never were.”

Est looked stricken. “I am. I was – “

“You were?” William shook his head. “Then why does it feel like I’m the only one who’s been fighting for this?”

He turned toward the window, unable to look at him. “I don’t want to say something I’ll regret,” he said tightly. “So go. Please.”

“William – “

“I said go.“

There was a pause. Long enough to make William think maybe Est wouldn’t leave after all.

And then –

“…You say you don’t want me to doubt your feelings,” Est said quietly, voice raw and barely above a whisper. “But the contract still exists.”

William froze.

Est lingered a second longer, breath catching in the silence like he wanted to say more – but then he turned, and the door closed behind him.

And William stood there, stunned.

The words echoed in his chest like a slow, cold drop of water through a crack he didn’t know was there.

But the contract still exists.

As if all his restraint – his patience, his care – meant nothing because he hadn’t torn it up.

As if love could only be proved through destruction.

And suddenly, all the things he thought he’d done right felt… not enough.

Not to Est.

Not if he still believed he was only wanted because of ink on paper.

William sank onto the edge of the bed, staring at the floor.

His hands were trembling.

—–

William didn’t leave his chambers the entire day.

No breakfast sent back. No requests to the attendants. No knock at Est’s door, no summons, not even a glance through the corridor window.

Est waited.

And when the sky dimmed and the halls fell silent, he still didn’t go. He knew better now.

That night, William’s door stayed shut. And Est’s own chambers were too quiet, too cold. He stared at the ceiling until morning.

The next day, Est dressed for duty as usual – freshly shaven, polished boots, back straight – bracing himself for whatever William might throw at him.

But the guards at the wing entrance stopped him.

“The prince left before dawn, Sir.”

Est blinked. “Left?”

“Official travel. No details were disclosed. He took a different set of guards. Captain Lin briefed the schedule.”

Est’s stomach dropped. “He didn’t – ” He wet his lips. “He didn’t say anything?”

“No, sir.” The junior guard looked uncomfortable. “He said you had the next few days off. You’re… welcome to go home if you want.”

That wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

Whenever William left the palace without him – rare as it was – he always sent word. A note. A scribbled message. A rose pressed between pages. Something.

This time – nothing.

Est’s fingers clenched at his sides. “Which guards did he take?”

The other soldier checked the logbook and read out a few names.

Dylan was one of them.

And just like that, Est couldn’t breathe.

He nodded, numb, trying not to show it. “Understood.”

He turned sharply and walked away before anyone could ask questions – made it back to his quarters, sat down on the edge of the bed, and stared at the floor.

He’d told William not to let him doubt his feelings – and now William was gone.

He could’ve fought harder last night. Could’ve begged. Could’ve said something more.

But all he’d done was whisper a truth William didn’t want to hear.

Est didn’t breathe until he reached the barracks hallway.

Dylan.

He’d heard the name and the rest had gone quiet – blood rushing in his ears, dread swelling under his ribs.

William had taken Dylan.

No letter. No explanation. No warning.

Just… gone.

And Est knew William well enough to know this wasn’t coincidence. William had a temper, but worse – he had restraint. He could smile at someone while plotting their ruin. Could stay silent for days and then, with a flick of his fingers, shatter someone’s career.

Est had seen it before.

He clenched his jaw, pacing back and forth in his room, heart pounding.

What was William going to do?

Confront him? Punish him? Use him to get back at Est?

Was this about jealousy?

Or betrayal?

Or proving a point?

He tried to tell himself that William wasn’t cruel. But he also knew how hurt he’d been. The look in his eyes when Est whispered about the contract – it hadn’t just wounded him. It had changed something in him.

A cruel prince was one thing.

A betrayed lover with power was another.

Est sat down, buried his face in his hands.

Dylan was arrogant, yes. Careless. But he didn’t deserve to be caught in the fallout of this.

Est didn’t know what William might say. What lies he might let Dylan believe. Or worse – what truths he might twist with that quiet, commanding voice and that royal title.

He had to do something.

But what?

He wasn’t summoned. He wasn’t wanted. And if he tried to follow William uninvited…

His hand hovered over the palace communicator. The seal still cold. Unsummoned.

He swallowed.

In the end, he packed a bag – not because he wanted to go home.

But because he couldn’t stay still.

He needed to think. To figure out what William was doing. And more than anything – how to stop him if he was going too far.

Because Est wasn’t afraid of William.

He was afraid for him.

And for what this might turn them both into.

—–

Est returned to the palace on a cool, quiet morning – refreshed, at least on the outside. His mother had pressed a kiss to his forehead. His sister had braided his hair and tried to make him laugh. He’d slept in his childhood bed, eaten warm soup, watched the sky change without waiting for orders. But the worries never left. They sat low and heavy, coiled in his chest like something waiting to break.

He hadn’t expected to see William’s carriage pulling in just as he stepped through the palace gates.

It was unmistakable – the royal crest painted in deep navy and gold, the silver wheels polished even after travel, the guards straight and sharp at attention.

And then William stepped down.

Beautiful as ever. Poised. Untouched by exhaustion or grief.

He looked like someone carved from stone – his cloak heavy with road dust, his chin lifted high, not a hair out of place. Cold, immaculate, and unreadable.

Est froze.

And then Dylan followed.

Laughing at something one of the footmen said. Smiling, relaxed, very much alive.

Est couldn’t breathe.

He’d spent three days dreading this moment – imagining blood, exile, silence. William was capable of many things when hurt, when cornered, and Est had crossed a line he wasn’t sure he could uncross. But Dylan looked… normal. He still wore the same uniform. Still had both his eyes. Still walked beside the prince like nothing had changed.

Est didn’t know what to feel. Relief. Confusion. Shame. Hope.

It didn’t matter – because that evening, a message arrived. No letter, no note in William’s hand. Just a summons.

The prince requests your presence.

When Est entered William’s chambers, the air felt wrong. The fire was burning low. The heavy drapes blocked out the moonlight. There were no decanters of wine out, no music playing, no soft laughter echoing from the next room. It was quiet. Too quiet.

William sat at his desk, fingers laced together, elbows resting on the polished wood. He didn’t look up right away.

In front of him lay the contract.

Est’s stomach turned.

“Sit,” William said quietly.

Est obeyed.

The silence between them wasn’t hostile – it was worse. It was distant. Weighted with the kind of restraint that came just before a blade was drawn.

William didn’t speak for a long time. Just watched him.

Then, voice quiet:
“You saw him before you saw me.”

Est didn’t answer.

William gave a sharp, humorless breath through his nose. “That’s fine. Maybe that’s who you wanted to see first anyway.”

Est opened his mouth to respond, but William cut him off.

“Don’t,” he said. “Just – don’t lie. Not tonight.”

Another pause.

William stood slowly. Walked toward the window. His hands were clasped behind his back.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said after a long pause. “A lot. About us. About the last few days. The last few months.”

His voice was unreadable. Low. Composed. But there was something tight around the edges.

Est said nothing.

“I realized something,” William went on. “But it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I’ve let you get away with so much, Est.”

There was no anger in his tone. No venom. Just… exhaustion.

“I’ve let you throw me around. Bite me. Pin me down. I’ve let you take every frustration you had with the world and bury it in me.  In bed. In every silence you weaponized just so I’d speak first.”

His voice caught – not with emotion, but something closer to disbelief.

“I never hated any of it, you know.” William said, a bitter laugh tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I liked it, Est. The way you touched me. Even when it hurt. Even when I knew you were angry, or scared, or trying not to feel anything at all – I never hated it.”

He shook his head faintly. “But it’s not enough. It can’t be enough anymore.”

His eyes locked on Est’s, unflinching.

“Do you know what it’s like to want someone even when they’re hurting you?” he asked softly. “To crave their hands even when you know they’re not touching you out of love but out of something darker they won’t name?”

Est looked away.

But William wasn’t done.

“I let you,” he said. “Because I thought if I gave you enough space – if I gave you me – you’d eventually figure it out. That you could trust me. That you didn’t have to punish me just to get me close.”

The silence cracked like ice between them.

William sat back, eyes glittering now.

“But you haven’t figured it out. Have you?”

Est didn’t answer. His jaw was tight. His hands curled into fists at his sides.

William let out a breath. “You still think I’m playing some long game. That I’m keeping you around out of convenience. Lust.”

His voice dipped lower.

“But if that’s all it was, do you think I’d let you do the things you’ve done to me?”

A long pause. He stood now – slowly. Walked over to Est.

“Do you think I’d let someone I didn’t care about throw me down and spit cruel things in my ear while fucking me hard enough to make me cry – and still come back the next night like it was nothing?”

Est’s breath caught.

William stood in front of him now, arms crossed loosely over his chest. Not defensive. Just holding himself together.

“I’ve let you use me,” he said, voice steady, low. “Not because I’m weak. But because I thought you needed it.”

He tilted his head slightly, expression unreadable.

“But I need something too.”

He let the words hang.

“I need you to stop pretending this is just sex. That you’re just blowing off steam. I need you to see me, Est. Not as a prince. Not as your job. Not as some twisted outlet for your shame.”

A long, hard pause.

“I need you to admit that you want me, and it scares you. Because it means you’re not in control anymore.”

Est looked like he was holding back something – words or anger or panic – it was hard to tell.

But William pressed on.

“You want me to fall apart,” he said, almost gently. “Don’t you?”

That made Est flinch.

“You want me to shatter,” William whispered. “So that it matches whatever story you’ve been telling yourself in your head. That I’m a selfish little prince who never tried. Who just took and took and left you nothing.”

His voice hardened.

“But I have tried. Every fucking day.”

He stepped back, breathing harder now.

“I’ve begged with my silence. I’ve offered myself to you in ways I never have to anyone. And still, you look at me like I’m just another obligation you regret not running from.”

His chest rose and fell with emotion he was trying, and failing, to contain.

“I keep asking myself what more I could do. What more you need me to prove. Do I have to cry for you? Bleed for you? Burn down the whole fucking court just so you’ll stop pretending you don’t feel anything when you look at me?”

Est looked stricken.

William’s voice dropped again, quieter, more broken now.

“But it won’t matter, will it? You’ll still hold back. You’ll still resent me. You’ll want me and hate me. Even when you’re inside me. Even when you’re kissing me like I’m your last breath.”

A bitter smile.

“You want to hate me, but you don’t. And that’s what’s tearing you apart.”

He turned away then – suddenly too tired to keep speaking. One hand dragging through his hair. The hurt settling back into his shoulders like a weight.

“I’m so fucking tired of being the one trying.”

The silence stretched – loud and unforgiving.

Est still hadn’t moved. He sat like a man carved from stone, like he hadn’t heard a word… but the tremor in his clenched jaw said otherwise.

William turned back slowly, eyes wet but blazing.

“You know what hurts the most?”

He didn’t wait for an answer.

“It’s that I’ve given you so many chances. To tell me. To reach for me. To just… stay. Not because of the contract. Not because of duty. But because you wanted to.”

He reached toward the table and picked up the folded parchment – the contract that bound Est to him, that started this whole mess. The one William had once offered with a teasing smirk, masking the tremor in his heart.

He held it up between two fingers. His hand didn’t shake.

“I thought this would make you feel safe,” William said. “That it would give us rules. A boundary. A way to exist inside something… less terrifying.”

His voice cracked slightly as he added, “But it just gave you another excuse to hide.”

And then, without fanfare – without even looking at Est – he tore it in half.

The rip was deafening in the quiet.

Once. Twice. Again. Until the contract was in shreds between his fingers. He let the pieces fall to the floor like ash.

Est finally moved – just barely – like he might reach forward, but stopped himself.

William looked up at him.

There was no cruelty in his face. Only heartbreak.

“I’m done begging for scraps,” he said softly. “You don’t get to keep me in your life like this. Half-wanted. Half-tolerated. Like I’m something you hate needing.”

He took a step closer – close enough that Est could feel the heat of him, see the pain etched deep beneath the bravado.

“You want me in your bed but not in your heart. You want me to soothe you, ache for you, break for you – but gods forbid you ever admit I mean something.”

He swallowed hard.

“So I’m making it simple for you, Est.”

His voice lowered to something quiet and final.

“No more contract. No more rules. No more halfway.”

A pause. Then:

“You don’t have to stay,” William said, quieter. “I’m not going to hold you here. You’re free.”

A beat.

“But if you do stay,” he continued, “I need you to be sure. I need you to mean it. No more hiding behind duty or guilt or fear.”

He gestured faintly toward the floor where the contract lay in pieces.

“You’ll keep your position. Your rank. Your place in the palace. That’s not what this is about. I’m not punishing you. I wouldn’t do that.”

His voice softened, wounded but honest.

“This isn’t about your job, Est. It’s about me.”

He stepped back, giving Est the space he’d always offered – but this time, it was carved in heartbreak.

“So choose.”

Another pause.

“Not because I need you. Not because I begged you. Not because I waited. But because you want to.”

The words echoed.

“I won’t chase you,” William whispered. “Not after tonight. I’ve already given you everything I have.”

His fingers, curled at his sides, were white-knuckled. His eyes gleamed, not with anger, but desperation softened into grief.

“It’s your move now.”

—–

I’m sure this took more of a sinister turn than any of you guys expected. But again – it needed to happen. They both need to choose each other explicitly.

Anyway, hope y’all enjoy the chapter. I’ve slept barely 3 hours for the past two nights, completing case reports and I can barely keep my eyes open but I still wrote. 

For you all. 

Please have patience and wait for the updates. Daily updates are nearly impossible now, but I’ll continue to try my best to update as frequently as possible.