Chapter 2 – Chapter 2

"Are you living alone, or have you—?"

"Yes, I'm still alone," Miles answered. "After Paul, there didn't seem to be anything else for me. I'd lost all ability to find someone, and scrutiny in the school system made any looking dangerous."

We had walked into the woods on a path that I hadn't remembered as being there in my youth. But we hadn't been able to go too far into the forest before Miles was winded and had to stop. Where we stopped seemed to be at the same tree where we'd paused briefly to pick up the kickball so many years ago. But I was probably just being overdramatic in thinking that.

"You do know what it meant that I was living with Paul, don't you?" Miles asked. "That we were lovers."

"Yes, of course," I answered.

"And you're still talking with me? You walked into the woods with me?"

"Yes. It doesn't matter to me."

"It seems to matter to the rest of the family."

"Well bully for them then. But I'm surprised you came to the reunion. I know you've been cut off from the family. I'm just sorry I stopped exchanging letters with you. I didn't mean to. Life just caught up with me."

"I understand perfectly. You had a normal life to establish. I've seen photos of your wife and children. I envy you your normal life. I would have liked to have had children. But, as a teacher, I guess I managed to do that anyway. I didn't really want to come to the reunion, but my mother wanted me to come. I've been such a disappointment to her that I owed bringing her over here every day. It's the least I could do." He smiled wanly at me. He was sitting on a log and I was standing near him, my foot raised and resting farther down on the log.

"You envy me? That's funny. I've always envied you."

"Me?"

"Yes. You know we all thought you were a god when we were growing up. You were so handsome and capable and always smiling. And you were a cousin, but you were older than we were, able to do all of those things we wouldn't be able to do for years."

"And then I shocked and disappointed you."

"Not a bit of it. I continued to envy you. You were making choices and following them, come what may. You were being brave and living life on your own terms."

"My, you were idealistic."

"No. I was in love. Would it shock you to know that I wanted that sort of attention from you—or that I tried it out when I was in college?"

"Yes, of course," Miles said after a long pause. And I could tell from the expression on his face that indeed it did. "And you acted on it?"

"Yes, with someone who looked just like you. But he wasn't as nice as you." I was touching his knee with my hand.

"I think you are just feeling sorry for me, David. I know I must look like a sad wreck now. That's very kind of you . . . but I think we should be going back to the house now. Mother will be tired and wanting to go home."

He struggled to get up from the log and I reached down to help him. But he shrank away from me.

"I'm sorry that I said anything, Miles. I went beyond bounds. But it's such a surprise to see you, and I've held that in for so long."

"It's OK . . . it's OK. But let's go back now."

We didn't say anything on the way back, and he walked, stooped over a few paces ahead of me. I didn't try to come up to his level. All of my life I'd tried to come up to his level, but I knew that it wasn't to be.

As we emerged from the woods, we saw his mother, Frieda, standing on the porch, looking very concerned. And the curtains in the parlor window were shaking enough for me to know that there were several sets of eyes lurking just beyond them. I almost laughed out loud.

Sensing the attention as well, Miles leaned away from me. But I locked my arm in his and pulled him closer as we walked back to civilization.