Chapter 4 – Chapter 4

"You'll make it." Paul said with certainty. "I'm sure of it."

"Thanks man. I hope so. It's kinda been a dream. I drove down to Onteora High School with my dad to talk to one of their reps who was in the area. The brochure was awesome! My dad's brother went there too and he said he'd write me a letter, you know as an alumni." Dylan had forgotten that trip till just now.

"Alumnus." Paul said.

"What?"

"Alumnus. Alumnus is one former student, alumni are many former students."

"How did you fail your classes?" Dylan asked, again impressed with Paul's new change.

"Being stupid. I didn't pay attention. It was my fault."

"Yeah, well it's a shame. I bet you could have gotten into college easy! Maybe even with a scholarship. As it is, my dad's gonna have to take out loans for me to go."

"What is it that you want to do?" Paul asked.

"I don't know." Dylan laughed.

He hadn't known until half way through his sophomore year when he was working construction as a side job.

"I just know that I want to go to Duke University. Kinda dumb, huh?"

"No. You'll figure it out when you get there." Paul said.

"Hopefully. I'd like to do something where I could make some money. Seeing my parents struggle with bills and stuff hasn't been easy."

"No." Paul agreed.

"Makes me kinda wonder if I'm going to be able to support a wife and kids when I grow up." Dylan said remembering the early years just after college. He and Jessica had put off getting married for years till they felt they could afford it.."You ever gonna get married?"

"No." Paul said and seemed certain..

"Why not?"

"It's just not for me."

"Even with that girl you were talking about before?"

"Dylan, I have to tell you something." Paul took a steadying breath before continuing. "There is no girl."

"Oh, you were just bullshitting me? Dude, you don't have to do that. What, are you a virgin?"

Paul blushed a bit and looked away.

"Yeah, actually I am but that's not what I was talking about. I am in love with someone, very much, just not a girl." Dylan couldn't say anything or even breath. `He's gay.' he thought.

"I'm gay, Dylan."

"Oh shit. Really?" Dylan finally forced out and felt himself thicken in his shorts.

"Yeah."

"Oh wow. Um… ok." Dylan felt very unsure of what to do. He was torn between his own desire, his own uncertainty and the fact that he was basically a fifty year old man and Paul was eighteen. "So you like sex with men?"

"Yeah. I mean, I will. I mean, I don't know yet cause I'm a virgin but I'm sure that when the time comes I will." Paul shook his head.

"That's weird, dude. I never would have thought you were….. gay."

"You say `gay' like it's a bad thing. It's not. It's just a different way." Paul sighed. "Dylan, there will come a time when most people think it's okay to be gay. That it's just another way to be and that it's just another expression of love."

"Is it love?" Dylan asked, truly interested. He hadn't found love with his wife or the women he had been with before or since. Maybe the love of a man was what he needed.

"Oh, seriously?!" Paul sighed. "What's that? More bible shit? Look, the bible was never meant to be taken literally or even seriously. It's a historical document which tells the story of a particular peoples rise into a society. It only tells of their own primitive identity and should not be taken as the word of God. I mean, if you came to know God from the bible you'd have to know him as a sadistic and egotistical megalomaniac with dissociative identity disorder."

There was a pause as Dylan took in what Paul had said. He had never remembered Paul being so eloquent and knew himself to be a reasonably intelligent man, but Paul's psychological evaluation of the Almighty had left him confused.

"What?" He asked.

"The bible is just a story and love can't be defined as something which only happens between a man and a woman. It's bigger than that."

"So, you're in love with a guy." Dylan asked.

"Yeah, I am." Paul answered.

"Who?" Dylan thought he knew who Paul cared for and felt a tingling up his spine as he waited to see if his guess was right.

"Don't ask me that, Dylan." Paul pleaded.

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Who are you in love with? Just tell me." Dylan found he needed to know.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because isn't an answer." Dylan said with a bit of strength behind his voice. "What man are you in love with, Paul?"

"I'm in love with you, Dylan." Paul said simply.

Dylan remained silent for a good many minutes as he let what he was just told sink in. Dylan was right and felt a tightening in his stomach.

"How long?" Dylan finally asked.

"Seems like years." Paul answered. "I think the first time I admitted it to myself was today though."

"What do you expect me to do about it?"

"I don't know. I can only tell you how I feel. How do you feel about it?"

"I don't know. Weird, I guess. I've never had a man tell me he loves me before except my dad and that stopped when I was ten." Dylan said, feeling like he was moving into uncharted territory without a map.

"I'm pretty sure your dad meant it in a totally different way than I do." Paul added.

"Yeah."

"Do you-." Paul paused for a moment. "Do you think you could love me back?"

"I guess I love you as a friend. I don't know how I would love a man…. as a man though."

"Do you think you could try?" Paul whispered and Dylan felt his gaze in the flickering fire light. His body was frozen while he thought of what to do.

"How would I try?"

"Can I hold your hand?" Paul asked.

"I guess." Dylan said quietly.

Paul reached out his hand and wrapped it around Dylan's. They clasped fingers and held very still as if both unsure what to do next.

"It's weird. Your hand's different than a girls. It feels more like mine." Dylan felt a charge rush through his hand at Paul's touch. "This isn't so bad but I don't think I love you yet."

Paul chuckled.

"No, I guess not. It's not horrible though, is it?"

"No. It's okay"

"We could do something else." Paul offered.

"What?" Dylan tensed a little.

"We could hug." Paul said and stood, pulling Dylan up with him.

Both stood for a minute, Paul unsure of Dylan's reaction and Dylan unsure if he wanted to let this go any further. But both moved closer and wrapped their arms around each other.

"This isn't so bad either, I guess." Dylan said.

"That's cause you're hugging me like you'd hug an aunt."

"Well, how the hell am I supposed to hug you?"

"Like you'd hug a woman. Put your arms around me just like you'd put your arms around a girl that you like." Paul suggested and Dylan tightened his arms around the man in them.

Suddenly the two young men were chest to chest and stomach to stomach. Paul moaned softly and Dylan felt like moaning too but stubbornly refused to.

"Is this getting to you?" Dylan asked. His voice trembled a bit.

"Yeah. This is getting to me. Is it getting to you?"

"I don't know." Dylan lied. It was getting to him but he wasn't ready to admit it.

Paul moved and Dylan felt his bulge rub against the front of his pants. At the sharp intake of breath, Paul looked into Dylan's eyes and saw that they were wide and nervous. Dylan felt his hard dick rubbing against Paul's own through their clothes. The rapid tempo of their hearts beat against each others and their desperate gulps of air matched each others heightened state of arousal.

`Oh my God!' Dylan thought. `I want him!'

Paul leaned his head in and lightly brushed his lips against Dylan's. He felt Paul's tongue on his own and moaned at the pleasure of it. Paul caught the moan with his mouth and matched it with one of his own. He felt arms tighten around him and tightened his own, he felt his own desire reflected in the man in his arms. Paul broke the kiss to stare into Dylan's eyes. They were no longer nervous but filled with heat and desire.

Dylan needed to taste Paul again and moved his head to capture Paul's mouth with a tentative uncertainty. Paul moaned again as his lover shyly explored his lips and tongue. Dylan drew in a ragged breath as they pulled themselves closer and deepened the kiss. Dylan felt Paul's hand run over his body, and his body tingled everywhere that he touched. Dylan felt Paul grab his ass and pulled it closer mashing their groins together and couldn't help but moan.

"Oh God! That feels good." Dylan said, when they broke for air.

"It can feel perfect when it's with the right person." Paul answered, a little breathlessly.

Paul placed his hand lightly on Dylan's flat stomach which jerked in response at the touch. Paul pressed a little harder and caressed the soft downy hair that led into his bathing suit.

"Oh God, Paul!" Dylan said and placed his forehead against Paul's.

"Are you okay with this Dylan? We can stop whenever you want." Paul asked and Dylan felt that nothing in the world could make him stop now. "Dylan?"

"Don't stop, Paul. Please God, don't stop!"

Paul lowered his hand and slipped it into the front of Dylan's suit to grasp his large erection. Dylan let out a breath which sounded like a cross between a moan and a sigh. He jerked the large cock in his hand until he couldn't wait to see it for himself. He slipped Dylan's shorts down his hips and was rewarded with a full naked view of the man he loved. He was beautiful in every way.

Paul knelt down in front of him and Dylan felt his hot breath on his cock and groin. He knew his dick was leaking precum, he could feel the warmth of it on the head of his dick just as he felt Paul take him slowly into his mouth. Dylan moaned and took hold of Paul's head to guide and stroke his fingers through his hair. Paul bobbed his head into Dylan's crotch tasting his lover and pleasing him. Both of them moaned their pleasure and Dylan felt that he was getting close.

"Dylan, I know this is all new to you but there's something else I'd like to show you, something else I'd like to give you." Paul said, standing and pulling Dylan to him again.

"What's that?" Dylan asked, his voice thick with need.

"My virginity." Paul answered.

"You mean you want to…" Dylan couldn't believe what he was hearing or what he was thinking of doing but his cock pulsed at the thought of slipping into Paul's warm, hot body.

"Yeah." Paul said.

"Yeah. I want it. I want you."

Dylan watched as Paul shucked his own clothes and stood naked and proud in front of him. He let his eyes travel up and down the body that was so different from his usual sex partners and found he was more than pleased. Dylan nervously reached out to touch Paul but stopped and looked for approval. Paul smiled and nodded. Dylan laid his hand on his chest and felt the hard, smooth muscle and skin covered in curly chest hair. He smiled.

"Yeah, this is really different from a woman." `It was better', Dylan thought.

"Different in a good way, I hope?" Paul smiled.

Dylan's hand slowly made it's way down into the curly bush above Paul's own large member and grazed the base of it. Paul drew in a sharp intake of breath.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm perfect." Paul admitted. "You can touch it if you want."

Dylan's hand slid down the length of Paul's penis and grasped it's hard length.

"Wow. I've never touched another man's dick before in my life."

"Well, you're only eighteen." Paul said and noticed an odd look come over Dylan's face.

"Yeah, I guess." Dylan had a moment of guilt over the fact that he was so much older than Paul, but he had long passed the point of walking away.

The heat in his hand surprised Dylan as he gently stroked Paul's uncut cock. He was fascinated by the foreskin, which Paul's head was already pushing it's way out of and kept pulling it back and forth. He was amazed by the feel of it and by the fact that he wasn't freaking out. A small gem of precum appeared on the tip and Dylan licked his lips. He was caught up in wondering what it tasted like. Dylan knelt down in front of Paul as Paul had in front of him.

"Dylan, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I want to." Dylan said, opened his mouth and took Paul's dick inside.

Paul warned Dylan to watch his teeth as he tried to mimic the motions that Paul had used on him and after choking and gagging a few times, found a rhythm which pleased both of them. The taste of Paul was entirely masculine and heady making Dylan want more, but Paul soon pulled away.

"Was I doing it wrong?" Dylan asked.

"No, baby. You were doing it perfectly. I was about to come and didn't think you'd want that. Besides, I want to come with you inside me." Paul said and lowered himself to the ground.

He opened his legs wide and had Dylan kneel in between them before lying back. Dylan looked down at the beautiful man before him and could barely breathe. His dick was so hard it was swollen harder and bigger than it ever had been before.

"We don't have to do this if you're not ready, but I want you so bad."

"I want you too, Paul." Dylan admitted. "What do I do?"

"Put the head of your cock on my asshole and rub against it. Lube it up with your precum."

Dylan did as he was told and Paul moaned at the glorious feel of the large penis head pressing against him. He marveled in the feeling of Paul's soft hole on his dick head.

"Now, push forward. Just like a pussy." Paul added.

"Like a man-pussy?" Dylan smiled and Paul laughed.

"Yeah, like a man-pussy. Just go slow. You're a bit big."

Dylan felt a surge of pride and slowly pushed himself till he was just inside Paul's ass. He saw the man under him grit his teeth against the pain and clenched his fists.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just go slow. I'll be fine." Paul said and Dylan slowly slid his long length into his body.

Dylan stopped when he was fully inserted into Paul and closed his eyes. It was so tight and hot and warm around his cock. Dylan opened his eyes and saw Paul nod that he was ready. He pulled out and slowly pushed back in causing a rush of feeling to build in Paul and rush up his spine.

"Oh God." Paul whispered. "How does it feel?"

"It feels fucking incredible!" Dylan answered as he continued to fuck Paul's ass. "I can't believe I've never done this before."

Dylan knelt in between his legs as he thrust his cock into Paul's body and watched his face with each slam of his hips. He felt their bodies crash into each other only to divide and crash again. The feeling built within him and his balls tingled with every thrust. The expressions on Paul's face drove Dylan into a frenzy as he knew he was causing the pleasure he was witnessing. Dylan's face was sweating with the heat, the exertion and the pleasure of making love.

Dylan gripped Paul's legs and used them as leverage as he pushed forward and pulled back. He looked down to watch his cock slide into and out of Paul's ass.

"Oh God, Dylan I'm going to come soon!" Paul yelled.

"Me too, Paul. I'm gonna come." Dylan said and felt his balls tighten against his groin.

Paul reached up and brought Dylan down to cover his body. They were face to face, staring into each other's eyes with Dylan still pumping furiously.

"I love you, Dylan." Paul said and watched as Dylan's eyes widened and his face wrinkle with his orgasm. Dylan felt that Paul's words had pushed him over the edge and didn't stop fucking as he came. His cock released streams of cum into Paul as Paul's own cock spurted over their bodies. They collapsed together, in each other's arms, still attached by Dylan's slowly softening cock.

They stayed like that for some time as they rode the waves of their recent climax. Dylan caught his breath and laid on Paul's chest as he felt a hand gently stroke his back. Reality started crashing into upon him. He wondered what he had just done and thought of what was at risk. Was this real, was this a dream? Was he supposed to love a man now? An eighteen year old at the beginning of his life, while he was a fifty year old at the end of his? If this was real, what of his life? Would it be gone? Would it just disappear? What of Jessica? What of- No, he decided. He wouldn't let that happen. His heart broke but he would leave. At least he had known love once, even if he did have to sacrifice it for others. He broke their connection, stood and picked up his towel and shorts.

"Dylan? Where are you going?"

"I'm going home."

"Why?" Paul asked, and Dylan's heart ached at the hurt in his voice.

"Because I'm NOT a faggot like you, Paul! I'm not gay!"

"What?" Paul asked, confused.

"Dylan, I'm sorry." Paul said, standing up still trying to come to terms with what happened.

"No, I'm fucking sorry! I'm fucking sorry I ever talked to you!" Dylan said and before Paul could react, he was gone.

Dylan walked away and made his way down the mountain in the dark. He was grateful there was no more light than that of a half moon and no one there to see the tears he shed the entire walk back to town. He snuck into his house and crawled into bed without being seen. Dylan felt like throwing up at the thought that he had finally found love and was leaving it behind. It was hours before his eyes finally drifted closed and sleep claimed him.

Dylan opened his eyes and saw his bedroom as it was before his sojourn to nineteen seventy nine. Apparently nothing had changed in two thousand and eleven. The memory of it came back to him, but was tinted with a good deal of disbelief. `It couldn't possibly have happened.' Dylan thought. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number, praying as it rang.

`Be there! Please God, be there!'

"Hello?" Came a young woman's voice.

"Hey baby."

"Dad! What are you doing calling so early?"

"Is it early? I'm sorry. I had a crazy dream and just wanted to make sure you were all right."

"Are YOU all right?" She asked.

"Yeah, I am." He lied.

"Really?" His little girl was getting old enough to know.

"No, but I will be. I'll be fine." He said. "I love you, Robin."

"I love you too, Dad. I'll call you over the weekend."

"All right, baby."

They hung up and Dylan gave a sigh of relief and offered a silent pray that she was safe and that he hadn't fucked things up.

Dylan walked into the bathroom and checked himself in the mirror as he turned on the hot water for his shower. His eyes were bloodshot as if he had been crying lately. He frowned but again chalked it up to a dream. `It was going to be a weird day', he thought and got ready for work.

Over the next couple of days, he couldn't get the memory of his time with Paul out of his head. He even was tempted to do an internet search for him but wasn't certain of what he would do should he find him. He worked longer hours, getting to the office before everyone and not leaving until at least seven. He would watch t.v. until too exhausted to stay awake and even that didn't guarantee that he would fall asleep. One such night found him at midnight, checking some work emails and filing out some needed paperwork when he received an email.

Dylan, Oct. 11, 2011 I hope this is the Dylan Boch from Denniston N.y. that I grew up with. My name is Paul Stark. I don't know if you remember me. I came across your page and thought I'd say hi and ask how you were doing. Would love to hear back from you. Paul P.S. If this isn't the same person, I apologize.

Dylan reread it a number of times before he could finally believe it. This was Paul. Paul Stark and he had found him and written him. What were the odds that he had just dreamed about Paul and here he was. Dylan nervously emailed back and found out that he was only an hour away. Within a few conversations they exchanged cell phone numbers and were planning on meeting for a drink tomorrow. Dylan went to bed and tried desperately to fall asleep but a mixture of anxiety and excitement kept him up.

Dylan was talking himself into and out of meeting with Paul the entire ride down but when he realized he was in New Paltz figured there was nothing he could do about it now. He parked in the municipal parking lot and walked around town for a bit before heading into the bar / restaurant where they had planned to meet. He was early but sat down and ordered a beer hoping it would calm his nerves. He had gotten halfway through it when something made him look to the door and he saw Paul Stark walk in. Dylan felt like he had gotten punched in the gut. He was older, Dylan noticed, but still handsome and sexy. Paul had always had a quiet strength within him that made people resent him. It was like they knew he could take anything they had to give and come out the better person. `God, he looks good.' Dylan thought.

Paul looked up, saw Dylan staring at him and felt his mouth automatically curve in a smile. He sat at the bar looking as beautiful as ever and he was there to meet him. Paul's heart skipped a beat and he forced himself to walk forward. Dylan got off the stool and met him halfway.

"Wow." Dylan said.

"Yeah." Paul answered.

"Jesus, what's it been? Twenty five, twenty six years?" Dylan asked.

"Thirty two."

"No. Can't be."

"Fraid so."

"Wow." Dylan said.

"Yeah." Paul answered. "You hungry? Want to get a table?"

"Yeah, let me just grab my beer." Dylan went to get his beer and take a moment to quiet his nerves as Paul sat at a table overlooking the busy street and get a hold of himself.

"So," Paul said as Dylan sat down across from him. "I guess you got into Duke."

"I did." Dylan said laughing. "Yeah, I did. It was everything I had hoped it would be."

"And engineering?"

"Yup. I was working part time with a construction crew and got to know the engineer real well. He showed me some things and by the middle of the semester I was declaring a major."

"It apparently worked for you. You own your own company."

"Well, my partner and I do but yeah. It's pretty great. I love what I do."

"That's great." Paul said. The two sat smiling at each other unable to help it.

"I still can't believe you wrote me." Dylan said. "I was thinking about you for the last few days and then all of a sudden there you were."

"Yeah, that's kind of how it happened for me too." Paul took a sip of his beer and thought of what he should say and what he shouldn't. "I was thinking about you and wondering what you got up to and then I did a search and found your company so I thought I'd send you an email and here we are."

"Yeah, life's crazy huh?" Dylan said.

"Life is definitely unwell." Paul agreed.

"So what have you been up to?" Dylan asked.

"I went to New York after graduation. Well, after you guys graduated, I got my G.E.D. and took some remedial courses to help kids get into college. I got a full scholarship to Columbia."

"No shit?!"

"No shit."

"That's great!" Dylan said. "I don't mean to sound like an ass. I always knew you were smart and could do it, but you-."

"Had a lot of challenges to get through first." Paul finished for him. "Yeah. It was tough but I made it. I got a business degree and worked for some pretty interesting people. I made some money and figured I'd get out of it while I still had a heart, you know?"

"That's great. I'm glad for you." Dylan smiled. "Looks like we both did really well for ourselves, unlike most everyone else from Denniston."

"Do you hear from anyone?" Paul asked.

"Every once in a while, someone will give me a call or send me a letter. Sometimes they just stop by the house but I don't have anything in common with them anymore so, no not really. A lot of them have sad stories, some of them made out ok."

"How's your sister, Laura?" Paul asked.

"Good!" Dylan smiled. "She's married with kids and is the principal of a high school down in Long Island."

"That's great! I always liked her. Tell her I said hi."

"I will. I'll actually be going down to see her for Thanksgiving." Dylan said.

"You're parents?" Paul asked but realized at their age it was a tricky question.

"They both died."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, dad had Alzheimer's and mom's heart wasn't so good toward the end. They had some nice years in Florida so I think they were happy." Dylan knew he had to ask but wasn't sure if he should. "What about-."

"Dead. Eddie died in the flood, pissed drunk as usual and mom died a couple years later of cancer."

"I'm sorry."

"We weren't close."

"No." Dylan understood. "Still… sorry."

"Thanks." Paul said as the waitress came to take their order.

"Are you married?" Paul blurted out after she left.

"No. I'm divorced. You?"

"No. Never married." Paul said and Dylan nodded.

The conversation suddenly seemed to lag with them both realizing the topic they wanted to ask each other about but neither could bring themselves to.

"How do you like New Paltz?" Dylan asked, desperate for something to break the silence.

"It's great. I have some friends who live nearby and kept coming up from the city to visit them. I figured it'd be nice to have a place so I didn't always have to stay with them or get a hotel. I found a nice house and just started spending more and more time up here. Then I decided to leave the city for good. How do you like Albany?"

They spoke of their lives and things which had happened over the years but both of them realized that it was better not to delve too deep. After sharing a good meal and a few more beers their caution began to wane and they edged closer and closer toward the topic which loomed before them. Paul told Dylan a favorite memory of taking a trip with Todd and Eric to New Orleans where Eric had inadvertently insulted a voodoo priestess who ran after them throwing dried chicken parts at them and cursing them in Creole.

"I felt so bad but we didn't know it was her mother's grave." Paul said chuckling and saw Dylan wipe tears of laughter from his eyes.

"That's awesome. And she threw a chicken at you?"

"Well, it was like chicken guts, feet and stuff. I guess, if you counted it all up it'd make a whole chicken but we just wanted to get the hell out of there." Paul laughed.

"So Todd is Eric's boyfriend?" Dylan asked. Paul felt a little nervous but figured it was time to be honest.

"Yeah."

"You're gay, Paul?"

"Yeah, Dylan. I'm gay." Paul watched Dylan's face, but he just nodded. "Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, Paul. I'm fine with it." Dylan smiled and picked up the check. "I've got lunch."

Paul just smiled as he left to pay. He still wasn't sure whether or not they shared a memory but at least he had a friend. At least he had Dylan again in his life.

"Are you ready?" Dylan asked.

"Yeah." Paul and he walked out into the crisp fall evening and realized they had sat talking for hours. "Do you have to get back to Albany?"

"Not right away." Dylan said. "Is there anything in town you feel like doing?"

"Well, it's not fun but I have to do some shopping. If you feel like coming, we can try to think of something to do after."

"Sure!" Dylan said, got his car from the parking lot and followed Paul to the grocery store.

Paul and Dylan walked up and down the aisles talking and laughing as Paul filled his cart with items on his shopping list. Paul felt more comfortable talking about his past now that Dylan knew he was gay and accepted him. Dylan enjoyed listening to Paul talk about the things he had done since they had last seen each other but felt little licks of jealousy every time Paul mentioned one of his lovers. Even though Paul never spoke of them in detail, the very thought of them spending time with him that Dylan hadn't somehow irked him to no end. Dylan wondered if he should just bring up the "dream" or forget it and try to begin something new entirely. The desire and emotion that Paul evoked in him made him certain that he wanted something more from Paul than just friendship but he was certain how to go about that.

Paul was certain that Dylan was straight. He had been married and divorced and though he knew plenty of men who had done that before making the switch to men, Paul just couldn't allow himself that Dylan would be one of them. He tried to resign himself to being just friends who Dylan, though his heart felt just as stomped on as when he dreamed Dylan had left him alone in the woods. He had been wrong in thinking the dream would have healed something inside him, for the need for Dylan was just as strong now as it had always been. Paul looked forward into his life and saw it being a lonely one as Todd and Eric had warned him about, but the only solution to that was standing next to him and as unreachable as the farthest star.

Paul turned down the junk food aisle and was listening to Dylan tell him about a prank he had pulled on his frat brothers when all of a sudden he stopped in mid-sentence. Paul looked over, curious to see what had caught his attention.

"I love Chips Ahoy cookies!" Dylan said and picked up the bag.

"You gotta love 'em." Paul answered, feeling a strong case of deja vu. "They're perfect."

Dylan looked back at Paul, his eyes wide as he remembered being atop the mountain sharing the bag his mother had packed for the swimming trip.

"Even better than my mom's." They both finished.

"You remember." Dylan said.

"I thought it was a dream." Paul answered.

"It was a dream. Or I thought it was a dream too."

"You dreamed about me?" Paul asked.

"Yeah. A few days before you wrote me. It was the weirdest thing that ever happened to me!"

"I woke up in my parents shack in nineteen seventy nine." Paul said..

"I woke up in MY parents house in nineteen seventy nine." Dylan answered.

"That was you."

"You were there."

Both took a steadying breath, trying to gain control of their emotions. Paul's heart filled with confusion and hurt. It hadn't been the scared eighteen year old Dylan who had rejected him but this man he stood with now. Dylan felt joy fill his heart, Paul had loved him not only back when he was nineteen but now as a fifty year old man. He stole a glance at Paul and thought, `this man loves me.'

"I think we should have a talk." Paul said. "An honest one, finally."

"I think we should too." Dylan agreed.

"Follow me to my house?"

"That's fine."

Paul paid for his groceries and they both loaded them into the car.

"Thanks." Paul mumbled.

"No problem." Dylan offered, got into his car and pulled it in line behind Paul's.

They made the trip to Paul's house and ten minutes later, were pulling through the gate at the end of the drive. Dylan whistled as he saw the house.

`Holy shit!', he thought. `Paul Stark did well for himself.'

Dylan parked his car behind Paul's and got out to help him bring the groceries in. After they had finished Paul put what perishables he had bought away, took a look at the rest of it and said `fuck it'.

"Coffee, tea or something harder?" Paul asked.

"Something harder." Dylan said.

Paul nodded in agreement and led the way into his living room to fetch the scotch from the bar. He poured two fingers of a very nice twenty five year old single malt and downed his in one shot. Dylan's only response was to raise his eyebrows before following suit. Paul refilled their glasses, sat down on the couch and set the bottle on the coffee table before him. Dylan sat at the other end of the couch and took a sip.

"So what do you think happened?" He asked.

"I don't know." Paul sighed. "I was going to either get confirmation from you that you had a memory of that night or that it never happened and it was just a dream."

"How were you going to get confirmation?"

"I was going to mention… the night on the mountain and see how you reacted."

"And if I didn't remember?"

"I was going to see a shrink."

"But I do remember."

"Yeah, you do."

"So what now?" Dylan asked.

"Fuck if I know. I didn't think much passed getting confirmation." Paul said. "I have no idea what to do now."

Dylan nodded and downed the rest of his drink before reaching and grabbing the bottle for another two fingers. After he had poured his, Paul held out his glass to be refilled.

"Can two people share a dream?" Dylan asked and Paul suddenly realized that besides a quote about chips ahoy cookies, neither knew what the other thought happened that night.

"What exactly do you remember?" Paul asked.

"I remember I had a really shitty day, came home and went to bed. When I woke up I was back in Denniston, in my parents house. My mom was there and my sister. Jesus! Laura was so small and young!" Dylan smiled and Paul found himself smiling in return.

"I saw your mom and Laura when I went back. Laura told me that you were up at the swimming hole." Paul said.

"My mom was there too, huh?" Dylan winced imagining how that meeting took place. She had never liked Paul or the fact that they had been friends, but she couldn't convince her husband to deny Dylan from spending time with him.

"Yeah, she was." Paul said and let his tone convey the gist of what happened.

"I'm sorry."

"It was no different than I remembered. The whole town thought I was scum."

"Not the whole town, Paul." Dylan said and Paul glanced over to see bright green eyes looking into his.

"No, not the whole town. You, Laura, your dad were all pretty good to me." Paul smiled. "It doesn't matter, Dylan. What else do you remember?"

"Well… "

Dylan told Paul all about waking up and cursing his mother out, heading to the store to spend time with his dad and then heading up to the Baker's pond to go swimming.

"And that's all you remember?" Paul asked.

"More or less." Dylan lied but he wasn't ready to let Paul know that. "So what happened when you woke up?"

Paul recounted his own time back in nineteen seventy nine, with waking up and finding his mother alive, getting sent to Mrs. Welch's house and then also going to Baker's pond to see Dylan. He left out the part about his father backhanding him onto the floor though. Some things were definitely better left in the past.

"… and then Sarah and your friends left." Paul ended, not sure if he should continue with the rest of the story. He glanced over and saw Dylan nodding but he wasn't sure if he was nodding because he accepted the story, knew it was a lie, or just happy not to talk about what happened between them.

"It was a crazy fucked up day." Paul said. "Or dream. Or day. Whatever the fuck it was."

"Yeah." Dylan agreed and Paul picked up their glasses to bring them into the kitchen.

He had just rinsed them off and placed them in the dishwasher when he heard Dylan's voice from the kitchen doorway.

"I remember we stayed up there after Sarah and the guys went back to town. We swam more, right?"

"Yeah, I remember that too." Paul said, feeling surprised to find Dylan so close when he thought he was still in the living room.

"And you couldn't go home cause your father was up at his stills and would be drunk when he got back."

"Yeah."

"I remember I stayed with you cause you were going to sleep at the pond overnight. You hadn't had anything to eat that day. We shared sandwiches and chips ahoy cookies and talked about colleges."

"Uh huh." Paul said and turned around to find something to do with his hands.

`Fuck! Why can't I have a dirty dish or something!' Paul thought as he started scrubbing the very clean counters.

"I remember we held hands." Dylan said from just behind Paul.

"We may have done that."

"I remember we hugged and then you kissed me." Dylan said and turned Paul to face him. "I remember I kissed you back. I remember making love to you and you telling me that you loved me right before we came."

Paul couldn't tear his eyes away from Dylan's as he was hypnotized by his voice and his words.

"I remember I hurt you after that. I called you a faggot and I left you up there alone." Dylan said and gently stroked Paul's jaw. "Do you remember that Paul?"

"Yes, I remember that."

Dylan took Paul's face in his hands and looked deep into his eyes.

"I am so sorry."

"Why did you do it, Dylan?" Paul asked as a lone tear betrayed him by slipping down his cheek. "I've loved you for so long and you did that to me. How could you?"

"I don't know. I was confused. I didn't know if it was a dream or real. I thought if we changed too much in the past that might effect the future."

"You're marriage and your ex-wife?" Paul asked disdainfully.

"No, Paul. I would have gladly given up my marriage and my time with Jessica for you."

"Then what?"

"My daughter, Robin." Dylan said simply. "I didn't know if we had already changed too much for her to exist. I couldn't do that."

"I can't really argue with that, can I?" Paul asked.

"You have a right to be angry, Paul. I can't and won't take that away from you. Do you think you'll be able to forgive me?"

"I forgave you as you walked away." Paul said with a sigh. "I had gone there to tell you I loved you and I did. I didn't expect anything more from you."

"You came all that way to tell me you loved me." Dylan said.

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"I'm glad you did, Paul. I love you too." Dylan said and leaned in to take Paul's mouth with his own. Paul pulled back surprised.

"What's going on?"

"I'm kissing the man I love after being separated from him for thirty two years." Dylan smiled.

"Paul, I always had feelings for you. I just thought it was friendship. And I guess I've always been a little attracted to guys. But I did what I thought I was supposed to and that was get married to a woman. When we went back that night and you said what you do to me, my feelings changed. All I knew was that I wanted to be with you but I couldn't change anything because then my daughter wouldn't have been born. I'm not saying I understand what happened or that I did the right thing but I'm here now."

"So I'm just supposed to believe that you want to start a whole other life with me now?"

"I hope you believe that because that's what I want and I pray to God that's what you want to." Dylan said, letting his hands stroke Paul's forearms. "You've loved me for so long, why can't you believe I love you too?"

"I want to Dylan, it's just that-."

"You're scared." Dylan finished for him.

"Yeah. I'm fifty years old and should be settling into my comfortable life, not starting something that could end in disaster when the man I love realizes he made a mistake and is really straight."

"Paul, I don't know what I am other that I'm in love with you. If that makes me gay, then I'm gay and will be for the rest of my life." Paul still looked unconvinced. "Don't you think I'm scared too? I'm as old as your are babe, and I'm wondering how I ended up starting a new relationship, not only a new relationship but one with a man. I'm going to have to come out to my friends and family. Jesus, my daughter! But the one thing that calms me down, the one thing that makes me realize this is the right thing for me to do is that I'm starting it with you. The thought of you being by my side for the rest of my life makes me feel happy and safe and confident and excited!"

Dylan smiled and Paul saw a glint of that eighteen year old boy in his eye. He smiled back and felt the same.

"Take a chance on me, babe."

"You sure you want me?" Paul asked.

"I'm sure." Dylan said.

"Then you got me."

"And I'm not going to let you go." Dylan said and took Paul's hand in his. "Let's go to bed, baby."

They went upstairs to Paul's bedroom and stood in the doorway staring at the bed.

"Are you okay?" Dylan asked.

"Yeah, it's just the last time you saw me naked I was a buff eighteen year old."

"So was I, but that's not the point. It wasn't your body that really got to me Paul." Dylan said and turned his lover's face to his. Bright green eyes stared into bright blue ones. "It was you."

They stood next to the bed and watched each other as they slowly disrobed. Their bodies were different but the attraction remained. Dylan pulled Paul to him and sighed at the naked touch of his lover against him. They kissed as they lowered themselves onto the bed and slid their hands over each others skin. Paul slid down and took Dylan into his mouth as he moaned and ran his hands through Paul's hair. When Dylan had had enough, their mouths met again in a passionate kiss while Paul straddled Dylan's lap. He took Dylan into his body and closed his eyes as his lover's length slid in to the hilt. Paul happily bounced on Dylan's cock as the man beneath him thrust upward.

"Oh Jesus, Paul. You feel so good. You feel the same as you did back then." Dylan said and pulled Paul closer to nuzzle his neck.

"So do you, Dylan. I can't believe it's taken us this long."

"We have now, baby." Dylan said and dropped Paul onto his back as he took to his knees. "And I'm going to take total advantage of that."

Paul laid back on the bed as Dylan covered his body with his own and continued to fuck him with all he had. Paul moaned as his body was invaded again and again.

"You want that, baby? You want me inside you?"

"Oh God, yes! Fuck me Dylan!"

Dylan slammed into Paul with increasing vigor until the sensation built to hot to handle and he felt his body begin to release.

"I'm coming, babe!" Dylan said and began to pump faster.

They both climaxed together as they crashed against each other in search of giving and receiving pleasure. Afterward, they lay on the bed intertwined and kissed.

"I'm going to love being with you." Dylan said and sighed.

"I just going to love you." Paul answered.

"You better, babe."

Epilogue

A year later, Paul stood out on the back deck of Todd and Eric's house chewing a piece of carrot. He had finally, after more years than he'd care to remember, kicked the smoking habit and replaced his oral fixation with vegetable sticks. The autumn wind blew unseasonably warm and Paul took off his jacket and set it on the railing. The evidence of his latest birthday sat in the October sun. The door to the house slid open but Paul didn't have to look back to know who it was.

"Hey baby." He said.

"Hey yourself." Dylan answered and slipped his arms around Paul. "Eric and Todd are wondering when you're coming in for cake."

"Soon, I guess. Then I'd like to get home and open my present."

"You already got your presents." Dylan said in confusion.

"I didn't get birthday sex."

"Oh." Dylan chuckled. "We still have to take care of that, don't we?"

"Yes, we do." Paul said with a smile. "How's Robin doing?"

"She's good. I think she's starting to understand us finally."

"I'm glad. She didn't do well with the whole gay dad thing at first."

"Yeah, no." Dylan thanked God that his daughter had come around. "Laura never had a problem with it."

"Laura knew I wanted you way back then."

"She did?"

"Oh yeah."

"Wow. Go figure." Dylan said and turned as Todd came out onto the back porch.

"You look happy." Todd said to Paul.

"I am."

"Not alone and not lonely."

"No."

"I'm glad." Todd turned to Dylan. "I'm glad he finally found you."

"Me too." Dylan agreed.

"Well come in for cake." Todd said and walked back inside.

"Are you?" Paul asked. "Are you happy I found you?"

"I'm the happiest and most complete I've ever been, Paul. But we found each other." Dylan took Paul's hand. "Let go get cake."

THE END