Chapter 2 – Chapter 2

"You can tell him now, Dan. You should tell him," Jeff told his older brother. "You've always said you didn't because he'd be disappointed the family line wouldn't go on. But Elaine's pregnant . . . and the doctor's said it's a boy . . . so the Wilson strain won't stop."

"It's Christmas, Jeff. I can't tell him now—especially with Mother having gone at Christmas. It would kill him."

"He's strong as an ox, Dan. We shouldn't be keeping secrets from family like this. It weakens us. And how long have you been living with Zack now?"

"Two years."

"Are you being fair to him?"

"We manage. He doesn't care. He doesn't complain." Dan winced at the lie he'd told. He knew that Zack cared.

"I just don't like a secret like that being held back from Pop. He's not an ogre. Besides, he may know already. I guessed before you told me."

Dan set his chin in the way Jeff knew there was no more discussion to be had, and their father was signaling anyway that he had found "the tree."

The two brothers had been standing at the edge of the small fir tree lot their father had devoted to growing Christmas trees years ago, when both were barely out of diapers. It was one of the family's Christmas traditions. The three of them came out to the tree lot, their father picked out the tree for that year, and the two boys felled it and dragged it back to the truck. The family women—in this case Elaine, since both their mother and grandmother were gone now—were to be back at the house baking Christmas cookies. After lunch they'd then all drive into Harrisonburg and pick out the Christmas tree decoration for that year.

The Christmas tree decoration had been a tradition that their mother had brought to the family, but it was one that their father now insisted they continue even though the tree groaned with the weight of the mounting ornamentation.

The boys went upstairs to clean up for lunch while their dad sat at the kitchen table and worshiped his daughter-in-law, having just been told the night before of the pending addition to the Wilson family.

After Jeff had clumped down the stairs, Dan drifted into his parents' room. It still seemed to be his parents' room, although the smell in the room now—a musk sort of after shave smell—was all masculine. His mother's stuff was still laid out on her dressing table just as it had been the day before she went to the hospital for what was supposed to be a routine operation—but that wasn't. She had wanted to put the operation off until after Christmas and Dan's dad has insisted that she not wait any longer then she had to get that tumor out of her. Dan was sorry now that they hadn't waited. Apparently her condition was much worse than she'd revealed. She had wanted one last Christmas and they hadn't given it to her.

If only she hadn't kept the seriousness of her condition secret from the family.

Dan shuddered and felt as much as heard his sob. What was it that Jeff had said earlier in the day about keeping secrets in the family? He shook his head. He wouldn't think about it. He went into the walk-in closet, meaning to touch something his mother had worn that he could remember on her. But nothing of hers was here. The closet was full of clothes, but none of them were women's clothes. It was strange that his dad had bought so many clothes. But he was known to be absentminded. Maybe he just bought them out of habit. They were nice clothes, though.

The thought entered Dan's mind that maybe his dad was courting a woman again. What did he think about that? He'd be sad, but he wouldn't show it. His dad deserved any happiness he could find in companionship. Everyone did. That was one of the last things his mother had told them all—to continue with their lives, and to find companionship as good as she and Dan's father had known for twenty years.

Dan had to sit down on the bed in his parents' room for a couple of minutes to compose himself before going downstairs. Zack had been right. Same with Jeff. He needed to tell his father. His father would just need to be reminded of what his mother had said about each of them finding a companion for the rest of their lives. Jeff had his and maybe their father was stepping out too. Dan had his, but Zack had been right, having each other in secret wasn't full commitment. They needed others to know they had each other—especially family.

Just not at Christmas. Maybe after New Years.

Their dad was being unusually persnickety about a Christmas tree ornament this year. They went to several gift shops in Harrisonburg. Their dad was well know and well liked in the community. And he was flirty with the sales women in the stores. He would introduce Dan and Jeff to any of the women they didn't know, although they did know quite a few, including several who obviously were setting their hats for Mr. Wilson senior.

More than once Dan wondered if this or that woman was "the one." Dorothy Stulz in the Christmas shop on Port Republic Road ranked high on that list. Dan even overhead his father tell Dorothy he'd see her at New Years. Neither of the boys would be home for New Years. Dan hadn't wondered before what their father was doing for New Years, but now he was wondering.

Their dad settled on a Christmas tree ornament in Dorothy's shop but, upon leaving, he said he wanted to check out an antique shop in Dayton just south of Harrisonburg.

Dan was glad he'd been brought here. The proprietor, an old school friend of his father's named Ted, who Jeff and Elaine also seemed to know, had gathered very interesting items, and, while his father and Ted conversed, the younger Wilsons crawled all over the store.

When they'd worked their way back to the front of the store, Ted was wrapping a delicate porcelain angel.

"I've found the perfect ornament," Dan's father said—with Dan wondering how their father had found it, as he hadn't been looking around the shop. But as if he'd read Dan's mind, his father continued. "It was right here under my nose all of the time. Sometimes we don't see for looking. And did you know that angels were male? This one is authentic. Isn't he handsome?"

Dan had to gulp when he saw the angel figurine. The features were the spitting image of Zack. "Yep, he sure is handsome."

Dan's father was still working his own thoughts, though. "Elaine, I'd like you to take the other ornament I bought. I'd like to start a family tradition of giving one to my grandson every year. By the time he gets married, he'll have a nicely decorated tree. And then when—or if—other children come along, we'll set up their own Christmas traditions for them too."

Everyone but Dan was in a convivial mood on the way back to the farm. Dan didn't know why he couldn't get into the mood. That was a lie, of course. He couldn't get in the mood because Zack wasn't with him for Christmas. Dan felt so torn. Here his father was making yet another Christmas tradition. Dan felt trapped by family Christmas traditions. It was like it was Christmas traditions that were holding Zack at bay. But he knew it wasn't about anything that Zack was doing. He could kick himself, because it was all his fault. All his weakness.

He was buried within himself after they'd gotten home, the fire had been lit in the fireplace, Jeff had brought out the wine, and Elaine had appeared with a plate of freshly baked cookies. Dan went through the motions but all could tell he wasn't mentally or emotionally in the room.

"What's the matter, son?" Dan's father suddenly stopped and said in the middle of a conversation he was having with Jeff. They were all gathered around the fireplace. There were two empty places—one on a sofa and the other an easy chair—and Dan felt the absence of not only his mother but of Zack as well.

"Nothing, Dad. Everything's great."

"Well, not everything's great with me, Dan. We have about ten minutes, maybe less, and in that time I think we need to clear the air."

"Ten minutes? Clear the air?"

"Yes. When are you going to tell me about this young man of yours? Are you going to keep it a secret for another year?"

Dan glowered at Jeff.

"Don't look at Jeff like that, son. I've known what your preferences were for years. Yes, Jeff and Elaine have talked to me about this airline man of yours, but I had to beat it out of them. You were so on edge last year at Christmas, and I made them tell me why you weren't having as good a Christmas here as usual."

Dan mumbled something that none of the others could decipher and not even he knew what it was.

"Jeff says his name is Zack. Does he have anywhere to go for Christmas?"

"No," Dan said after a strangled pause. "No one is left in his family. He's back at his . . . our apartment in Northern Virginia, I think."

"You think? You don't know?"

"No, not for sure."

"You aren't afraid he'll be out finding someone who wants to be with him for Christmas—who isn't afraid to be with him at Christmas?"

Dan's head went down and he swallowed a ragged breath. He hadn't even thought of that.

"Well, son, I understand you've been living with him for a couple of years. That makes him family in my book. So, in a few minutes, why don't you go get that cell phone of yours and call him and see if he'll come down here for Christmas?"

Dan stood up, tears of gratitude and relief in his eyes. Just like that his father had cut through all of the fog. Of course he wanted Zack here for Christmas. His family would love Zack.

"I said in a couple of minutes, son. Something else is going to happen first."

"Something else?" Dan looked toward Jeff and Elaine, but they were both giving him knowing smiles. Whatever was happening, they knew about it.

The doorbell rang, and Dan's father stood and said, "Ah, right on cue."

He opened the door to Ted from the Dayton antique store, who stood there, his arms full of wrapped Christmas presents.

"This is the first and last time you have to ring that doorbell, Ted," Dan's father said and then turned toward Dan. "Ted has lived here—with me—for three years, Dan. You weren't the only one who couldn't come clean. Every Christmas he went and slept in his shop while you were here—and I let him. But when I heard you weren't bringing your partner home for Christmas, I realized how unfair I was being to mine. OK, you can go make that call now. And, dammit, welcome home for Christmas, Ted. You can put those present up in our bedroom. We'll bring them back down after we have the tree trimmed."