Chapter 3 – Chapter 3

Chapter Three

My relationship with Luke got off to a cold start. He had wanted to go to UT and so was not happy to be going to Rice, a choice his parents had forced on him. And, he blamed me for it, accusing me of convincing his mother to force Rice on him. Apparently, she had referred to "Evangel" so much during the recruiting and selection process that it became a toxic reference to him. He was curt and direct in his emails with me, and he was only responsive; he never initiated contact.

Sammies and their subjects had to arrive on campus before everyone else. Luke and his parents showed up for orientation as a threesome. The Blacks were the only parents participating in the process. The rest of the parents moved their children in, helped them get settled, and said good-bye. The Blacks were not going to say good-bye until they absolutely had to.

Luke and I had worked on his schedule via email, and he was happy with it. As a scholarship athlete, he'd be taking a lighter load by one, giving him time for practice and for the mandatory study sessions we were to share. I was pensive about those. I was not sure how to repair the rupture my role in recruiting him had caused.

Each Sammy had a private meeting with his or her subject during orientation. Fortunately, Luke was too polite to let his pique show. He shook my hand and smiled broadly. I still see that smile in my mind's eye. It was a conversion smile. If you weren't sure about Luke before, you were after.

Our meeting was very businesslike. Luke made it clear his primary focus was on baseball, aiming to help Rice win the CWS and to position himself to be taken number one overall in the MLB draft. But, he'd be a student also, as his parents had already decided he'd be staying at Rice all four years, regardless of if and when he was drafted. Their public pronouncements on the subject were well-covered and would have the intended effect. No MLB team would waste a high draft choice on a player it knew it couldn't sign, and the Blacks were adamant they would not be persuaded into an early departure.

As we spent time together, Luke warmed up and filled in his backstory for me. He was an only child. He had almost killed his mother during birth, and his father was convinced she had been saved through the power of his prayers in the hospital chapel. His conviction led them to God, but quietly so. They were humble people, so they eschewed any outward sign of their religiosity, other than to refer to Luke's arm as a "gift from God." Still waters run deep, and their religious conviction was deep.

While I had rejected – at least internally – my parents' religiosity, Luke embraced his. He was as devout as they were, and he immediately joined the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and the campus Christian Students Association. He was surprised I was not a member of the CSA. He raised it with me during one of our mandatory sessions.

"Luke," I warned, "the CSA is the only hotbed of intolerance on campus. They picket and protest constantly, whether it's a speaker who happens to be pro-choice or anything else they deem un-Biblical. They are judgmental and intolerant, and it's tough to tolerate their intolerance. I went to a couple of meetings, but they weren't for me."

"Do you recommend I avoid the CSA?"

"No, not at all. I think you should find out for yourself whether they're for you or not. They just weren't for me."

"What is for you?"

"That's a loaded question."

"I've heard rumors about you."

"They're probably true."

"My mother would be so disappointed."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"No. She adores and trusts you. She'd feel like she got suckered into forcing me to Rice."

"She didn't. Everything I told her was true. And, there are gay people at UT, too."

"I know. I'm not a rube."

"I didn't say you were."

"You implied it. It may have been subtle, but there was definite implication."

"I hope you don't feel like you got suckered."

"I don't. I feel like I got forced, but not suckered."

"You'll have a great career here. And, you'll get a great education in the process."

Luke took my hands in his and asked me to pray with him. We kneeled, still holding hands. While he prayed, I noticed that his nails were perfectly manicured. I have no idea what prayer he offered. For all I know, he prayed that I turn from the devil, marry a woman, and have children. I heard Charlie Brown's teacher as I inspected his hands. Wah wah wah wah wah.

I answered his "Amen" with one of my own. I then asked if he got manicures. "Sure," he said. "My parents don't trust them to me. An ingrown nail is as dangerous as a pulled muscle."

Wow, I thought to myself. This boy had been coddled.

We left after the prayer. All seemed good.

So, I was surprised – to say the least – when Coach Grantham called me to his office the next day.

"What's going on with Jet?" he asked.

"Nothing. Why?"

"He asked for a new Sammy."

"Seriously?" I asked, angry and hurt.

"Yes, seriously. I don't know what you did, but you have to undo it. We need that boy to be happy here. If he is, others'll follow him here."

"I can't undo it," I said, explaining that I thought the issue was that Luke had figured out I'm gay.

"Did you hit on him?" Coach Grantham asked.

"No, I didn't hit on him," I responded, incredulous. "He heard rumors. He asked about them. I confirmed them. That's it."

"Well, if that's all it is, I'll take care of it. Stay on him."

"I will, Sir."

*****

Luke was not surprised when I showed up for our daily meeting. Apparently, Coach Grantham had told him he could not have a new Sammy.

I tried not to let on that I knew he had asked for a different one. Luke raised it.

"Look, I know Coach talked to you about my request. I'm sorry, but I didn't think I should be fraternizing with a known homosexual. I thought people might get the wrong idea."

"Like what, that you're not an intolerant bigot."

"No, like there was something going on between us."

"Are you serious? It's 2009. People understand gay people and straight people can be friends without 'something going on'."

"I've never been friends with a gay person."

"Well, I've never been friends with a pitcher. I guess there's a first time for everything. God forbid you'd open your closed mind just a little."

"It wasn't personal, you know. I like you, Evangel. A lot. You seem like a great guy."

"I am a great guy."

"I just don't want innuendo and rumors to tarnish my reputation. I have a lot to protect."

"No one wants innuendo and rumors to tarnish their reputation. You're not unique in that. Everyone has a lot to protect."

"You know what I mean," he answered, defensively. I decided to press.

"I don't. You think you're singular, but you're not. You can throw a ball. Big deal. I can solve quadratic equations. We all have talent. We all have fears. None of us are singular. And, we can't control what people say about us. We can only control what we say about others. And what we think about ourselves."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Apology accepted."

"Are we good?"

"Sure, we're good. So, let's get to work."

After we studied for awhile, Luke asked "Does it worry you, being gay?"

"No, why would it worry me?"

"You're a Christian, and the Bible's clear that homosexuality is sinful. Christians can't lead sinful lives."

I had been carrying a copy of The Children Are Free for just this moment. I pulled it out, and handed it to Luke. "It's not as clear as you think. Read this. Then we can talk about it."

I didn't expect Luke to read the book. But, I wanted the onus to be on him.

The next time we got together, Luke announced "I read your book."

"It's not my book. It's Reverend Miner's book. But, what did you think?"

"I don't know. It was pretty compelling, but I wondered whether it was manipulated. It seemed like it was trying to muddy some pretty clear water."

We did no work that night. We talked about the Bible, including my questions about the selection of books to be included, the rejection of other books, and the agenda behind those who wrote the books that were included. I challenged Luke to tell me what Jesus preached about homosexuality. I knew he couldn't, because Jesus never once mentioned it. This issue that modern Christians treated as the most salient issue of the day and the biggest threat to their piety didn't even register for Jesus, even though there were clearly homosexuals during His time.

We talked about Occam's razor and my concern that I was on the wrong side of it. But, I also explained why I couldn't be on the other side of it, and what it would mean for me if I was.

We talked about my personal struggle, and how it left me choosing between God not loving me and me accepting that I was created in His image. I explained how easy that had made my choice.

We talked about whether being gay was a choice. He said he had always assumed it was, and I challenged him to explain why someone would choose to be different than everyone else, especially when that choice had the potential to tear a family apart. Or, in his world, consign them to a life of celibacy.

We talked long past our session was supposed to end. We talked as we walked to his dorm. We talked as we stood in front of his dorm.

"I should go," I finally said.

"Yeah, me too. I have work to do."

"Good night, Luke."

"Good night, Evangel," Luke said, giving me a bro hug. "I enjoyed the discussion. Thank you for being so honest and open with me."

"It's who I am."

"I'm glad."